I can ONLY Change Me...with God's Help!

The Fluffy girl is REALLY tired...but am trying to stayed focused at work, at work outs and make sure that when I do get home...that I get as much rest as possible. 

I am finding myself a little sad today...not something I say a lot...stressed...yes, grouchy...yep...wired...absolutely...weepy...strangely...yes as well.  But not really a person that gets really sad..However, I think with the recent losses, illnesses, etc..of close friends and their family members..I am just a bit sad today. 

Also, today I am battling with self doubt.  Self-doubt for me is a sneaky little feeling that has a tendency to get bigger and bigger until it permeates everything I am doing (if I am not careful).  I really work on self doubt.  Again, this is one of those uncomfortable admissions that seems to somehow be a necessary part of this Journey...much to my personal dismay. 

But I have...for as long as I can remember...been a person that doubts myself..even in those moments where I am generally confident, there is a voice in my head saying..."Are you sure about that??". 

So as I work on losing this weight and changing so many facets of my life...I am confronted with self doubt.  I have talked about it before and trust me, it will come up again.  But I find myself wondering things like...am I working out enough or correctly? Am I eating the right foods...enough or too  much?  Am I really doing all that I can do?...I call it the squirrel cage! 

My biggest problem with self doubt is letting it get bigger than reality!  I am an absolute genius at worrying about things that have not really happened yet...creating an issue when there is not one...making a mountain out of a mole hill...

If there were awards for that...I would clean up!!! 

But I must say...I really am working on my self doubt more as a part of this Journey than I ever have...I have daily conversations with God and am owning up to it here and directly with people in my life.  IT is SOOOO uncomfortable..but I really believe that meeting the issue head on...BOLDLY and tackling the doubt...well...I choose to believe that I can conquer that along with the weight,  healthy eating and exercise doubts!!!!  So I found this quote today...I sent it to a couple of friends...along with the question...Who the hell is Publilious Syrus? 

In doubtful matters boldness is everything.
Publilius Syrus

A friend answered my question and here is who Publilius is...

Publilius Syrus

Writer

Publilius Syrus, a Latin writer of mimes (maxims), flourished in the 1st century BC. He was a native of Assyria (Northern Iraq) and Assyrian by race, he was brought as a slave to Italy, but by his wit and talent he won the favour of his master, who freed and educated him.

 

He was credited with the old proverb...A rolling stone gathers no moss...

 

So there you go...NOW my question is...what the hell is a maxim??? 

 

 

So...before I go...I recently posted the Serenity Prayer...My friend Mary C. sent me this version and I so LOVED it that I thought I would share...It really speaks volumes to me...I cannot change others...I can ONLY change me...and I can ONLY do that with God's help!!! 

I am Transformed...Even on a Monday

Oh...it is Monday...in a big way...I don't know if Monday's are really worse than any other day or if my attitude is just worse on Mondays...I am betting the latter is more likely true than the chance Monday is somehow an inferior day to all other days of the week.  Whatever the case..Today is a true Monday (as defined by me).

I am going to spare you all of the gore...but let's just say that it is a comfort food kind of day!  I am reminded of a song lyric

What a difference a day makes
24 little hours...

Yesterday...and the weekend...were good days...a victorious day!  I beat the cravings...I beat the temptation! Then with the setting and rising of the sun...BOOM...Monday is here and so the roller coaster starts!

This is one of those downward dip days on the roller coaster...the kind where it feels like my stomach is lodged in my teeth!  So...of course, my inclination today is to want to eat!  The good news is I am not (at least not badly), the bad news..is that even 8 months into this Journey...a bumpy day can send me into the addiction...crap! 

I prayed all the way to work today...for strength, for courage...I made a point to pray for others...and mostly I prayed for God's Will in the lives of all of us. 

I think that if I read my blog from another's perspective...I might judge that I may have a few too many mood swings...LOL!  But the truth is that I have expressed my experience of life using the whole "roller coaster" analogy from early on in this process.  The ups and downs for me can change from day to day and sometimes from moment to moment.  Though it continues to be really uncomfortable for me...it is in fact, how my experience along this particular part of my Journey has played. 

But there is one particular thing that has become consistent in the past 8 months...something that I can count on and something that if I stop and think about it...has been nothing but a blessing.  This is it.

Everyday, God is Transforming my life.  Everyday I am given the opportunity to do things differently...to accept changes with a mindset that life can be better...that I can be better. 

As I write this, I am listening to a sermon that I missed last Sunday by one of our associate pastors (Lynda Zelenka)...Yes...I can write AND listen to a sermon at the same time...I got skills!!! 

She says the following in a sermon about Jesus's transformation  of Zacchaeus...you the "wee little man..the wee little man was he"...She said the following:

"Don’t timestamp people. Don’t look at someone and say,

“That’s who he is and that’s who he always will be.” With the grace of God, anyone can become completely different."

I am going to go out a limb and say that most of us have thought that about someone else..or even have thought it about ourselves...

Here is what I know...I have spent the last several years of my life unhealthy...really sick...stuck in the idea that "this is my life"and trying to think of ways I could "survive" my  life...not live it! 

In less than one year...the transformation that has taken place is quite unbelievable..I have gone from trying to "survive" to learning to "thrive"...It is not easy...It is amazing though. 

So today ain't so great...many of the same nagging things that I don't love about my life are still hanging around...but I am transformed and will be further transformed...By The Grace of God.

I joked earlier in this process about having a "mantra"...I think I have found a new one...I AM TRANSFORMED...Even on a Monday.

Automatic 5lb Deduction

Hi to all...I hope this weekend has been filled with many great moments...lots of love and good times.  This has been a busy weekend and today was equally as busy...Church...crazy crowded HEB...home and then off to Mont Belvieu to celebrate my Aunt Lois's 87th birthday! 

A big day to celebrate...lots of family, fun, kids, cousins that I only get to see a few times a year and a BIG TEST for the fluffy girl...HOMEMADE ICE CREAM!!!

Yes people...homemade...freakin....ice cream.  First...for those of you that have not eaten homemade ice cream...well, I am sorry!  For those of you that have not eaten my family's homemade ice cream...I am REALLY sorry!  This frozen concoction is the single most fabulous, wonderfully delicious frozen treat on the planet!!  I am so not kidding...

PLUS...there was THE CAKE...my favorite chocolate cake on the planet.  So...no problem..I just did not have any ice cream and had 2 very small bites of cake.  NO ICE CREAM!!!  Are you kidding me...I deserve an automatic 5lb deduction for not eating the ice cream...but alas, that will probably not happen!  But it was a show of will power that I am planning on bragging about for possibly years to come! 

I am serious about this Journey..I further proved that to myself today!  I will keep looking ahead...trusting the process, working toward my goal and just saying no to the temptations that present themselves along the way. 

I have a busy week ahead...and need your prayers to see me through.  I have some challenges to tackle this week and trust that God has a plan and though I may not see it clearly today...I WILL see HIS plan in due time. 

Here is a prayer I say a lot...I am sure most of you know it...but I need to write it here for me..as a reminder.

God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot Change
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the Difference. 

Here we go...Another week closer!!!

Feeding the Craving

Hello to all..Good Saturday evening to you all.  Today has been a day to just hang out...I laid low...really low...like couch low...until around 1:00 pm today!  Then...I threw on my workout cloths...fluffy girl style...and headed to walk.  Did about 2.6 miles and burned roughly 380 calories...so not too bad. 

Donna, Mom and I met to discuss the Play It Forward...Rally to Serve Event..we are planning what we need to plan..LOL!  Our "committee" is coming together and hopefully we will be in full swing shortly.  I am truly excited and a bit nervous about pulling this off but know that there will be many great gifts and lessons to learn! 

DON'T FORGET...AUGUST 24TH, 2013 1:00 TO 5:00 AT THE WILLOWBROOK SPORTS COMPLEX. 

Tonight, Mom, Emily and I went to dinner so that the child's parents could have a night out!  I always enjoy hangin' with my girls! 

Here they are:

 

 



I actually had a slight splurge at dinner tonight..I have been totally craving a burger...so I had a turkey burger...no mayo, no cheese...with lettuce, tomato, and mushrooms...and I had some sweet potato fries...not completely healthy..but not the worst thing in the world...It was yummy and satisfied my craving! 

Every once in a while..I have to feed the craving...not too much....but just enough to keep it happy!!! I think that is one of the hardest things for me...I have surprisingly become adjusted to eating healthy and not having all the grease, cheese, bread...you know..the really tasty stuff!  But, I must admit that I do have to find reasonably healthy substitutes to satisfy those cravings...so that I don't fall off the proverbial wagon! 

I also cannot fall into the trap of feeling guilty afterwards either...that just leads to trouble.  So tonight a good test..not the healthiest but certainly a departure from my unhealthy eating habits of 8 months ago!  No guilt! 

Before I go, I have a couple of things to share...first...my volleyball girls lost in another close match last night!  Bless their hearts...I hate to see them disappointed!  They worked hard but just fell a little short! 

Lastly...my cousin sent me the following today via text...I considered it blog worthy immediately!  Given some of the roller coaster moments over the last several months...this thought is actually pretty applicable at times.  Pardon the off color language!

 

 

 

 

 

Tomorrow is a busy day...Here is to the next week in this Journey...I am feeling the need for a battle cry!!!

 

MAWA!!!





Born to Be Real

It is Friday....A weigh in day, the last day of another work week, the end of a week of triumphs, pains, loss, laughter..hormones...another week in the Life of the Fluffy Girl. 

I lost another pound this week...which I will take.  Another step in the right direction.  Another mini-victory in the Battle of the Bulge. 

Again, I have received some really amazing support...I have seen a lot this week.  There have been multiple opportunities to learn and for that I am eternally grateful.

I have received some really kind, supportive messages from you guys this week..I thought I would share a couple...This first one..I really love...Given that Life can be overwhelming and messy at times...I find this comforting and so true.  Despite my shortcomings as a human being..I know that I have an amazing Life Guard constantly protecting and helping me keep my head above water!   Thank you Mary C. for sharing it!

 

 

 

I came across the next one on Facebook...I needed to hear this and know that I have several people in my life that might need to hear it too...

 

 

Now...I do not that think that many would accuse me of being a perfectionist...nope!  I do know though that as I daily take steps along this Journey...I really do not want to disappoint, to let anyone down or be anything less than my best at this undertaking. As I take this Journey though...I have come to realize that being perfect is not my goal...but I REALLY want to be authentic..real.  I think that is part of my Journey..to practice authenticity...So the above really touched my heart. 

 

So many of  you share your hearts with me...just know that is so inspiring, so brave and so appreciated. 

 

I continue this Journey knowing that Faith will be my saving grace...that I will need every ounce of faith I can muster...knowing that Prayer and Love will see me through.  As I was writing this, I heard two songs...For me..one is about Faith...about believing what you don't always see and knowing that I don't have to see it to believe it. 

 

Here are the lyrics by Chris August

 

I Believe

 

I don't need a rainbow to know who made the rain
Don't need the waters parted to know who made the way
And I don't need a healing to know who is the cure
Of this I'm sure

 

CHORUS
I believe that there is something more than I can see
I believe that there is someone holding onto me
Sometimes I won't feel it, but that don't change a thing
'Cause it's by faith that I believe

 

If you had some heartache that made you cry a thousand tears
Then let me tell you now I know just how you feel
And that heavy weight of sorrow that you've carried for so long
Will soon be gone

 

'Cause I believe that there

 is something more than I can see
I believe that there is someone holding onto me
Sometimes I won't feel it, but that don't change a thing
'Cause it's by faith that I believe

 

You might see a miracle and give praises to the Lord
Don’t let a touch from heaven be the thing you're waiting for
Blessed are those who don't see but still believe, do you believe?

 

I believe that there is something more than I can see
I believe that the arms of Jesus are holding onto me
Sometimes I won't feel it, but that don't change a thing
Cause it's by faith that I believe
I believe, I believe

(Chris August / James Thiele)

For me, the next song is about Love... the Love that goes beyond Life.

It was written and performed by Carrie Underwood...but I have attached a version by American Idol contestant Kree Harrison...It really touched my heart.  




See You Again-Kree Harrison


I hope you all have a glorius weekend...Please say prayers for my friends that are grieving the loss of a loved one today...

God Bless

Life is Precious

Hello...I am having a late lunch...sitting quietly...thinking about life.

LIFE...a word that is used often...in many different contexts...we use phrases like "get a life", "enjoy life" "life's work", "livin the life", "life is good", "life is like a box of chocolates"...
But today I was reminded of one particular phrase..."Life is Precious"

I sat in a chapel today...at the funeral of the husband of one of my former teachers and now my friend.  She lost her husband suddenly on Monday and today he was laid to rest. 

In that very short time, her life changed dramatically.  I'm  sure I could not even begin to speculate how she must feel...I can only  imagine. 

This chapel/funeral home I was in today is a place that I am all too familiar with....the place where I have experienced the loss of my grandmother, my cousin Kay, mothers and fathers of close friends, brothers and sisters of friends and several others.   Quite frankly, it is a place that I dread going in to...it is a place filled with painful memories...I have sung in this place, spoken of the painful loss of my younger cousin in this place, cried in this place, consoled others in this place and have been consoled by many in this same place.

Always though I leave with the following phrase on my mind and in my heart...Life Is Precious!

I love life...the word and the act of living it!  It is a gift...a gift that has been given by God...that we get to share with others for as long as we are on this earth and one of the most amazing by-products of life is Love.

At every funeral/viewing I have been to in this dreaded place...Love is always present...God's Love, the Love of family, friends...all present at the loss of life.  Love lives well beyond physical life...

I am taking this Journey to create a better, healthier life for myself.  But I hope...My Hope... is that this Journey...my life...serves as a reminder of how precious the gift of Life really is and how important it is to share that gift with others.

All my love, Jaime

When I Reach The Place I'm Going

I am having a few physical struggles...It appears that I have some kind of abdominal muscle strain..or have injured an existing hernia...who knows...but whatever it is...I do not have time for it!!  :)

I am really working to stay very focused on the next 3.5 months...I want to make sure I stay on my food plan AND my fitness plan...However, just in case you don't know...the whole abdominal strain thing is not so pretty good!!! It is definitely slowing me down this week.

However, I did get my walk in last night...2 miles...2 miles closer to the finish line!  I was thinking how much I have walked over the last 7 months...I was going to try and calculate how far and make a list of all the cool places I could have walked to...however, I thought about the math and decided the best answer to that question was simply...a Long Damn Way!!! 

That is not even counting the time on the Evil Elliptical or the bike...The Fluffy Girl has been on the move. 

I have no idea how I injured myself...I just know that I am going to have to avoid lifting any weights for the next week or so...So I guess I'll just keep walking, riding and elliptilizing...who knows where I will end up!!

That reminds me of one of my favorite songs of all time...by Wynonna.  Here are the lyrics!!!

When I reach the place I'm going?
I will surely know my way
And I will turn and look inside me
And bid farewell to one more day

Every light begins with darkness
Every flower is once a seed
And with the sun and wind to test us
We are bound to be released

And I will fly beyond this valley
I will open up the gate
And when I reach the place I'm going?
I will surely know my way

We have hands to hold our sorrow
And we have tears to heal the pain
And though your eyes ask many questions
On your lips I hear my name

And I was born without a whisper
And I was born beneath the rain
But when I reach the place I'm going?
I will surely know my way

I will surely know my way
And I will surely know my way


Despite the injury...I feel good about the next 3.5 months...I feel confident that if I keep pushing and I keep believing that All things are possible through Christ who gives me strength...I will reach the place I am going!!

Much love to all of you!!