Tomorrow is Another Day

On some days it would be nice if losing weight was easy as Pie...It would be nice if losing weight was a "piece of Cake"! 

However...I probably just gained 5lbs because I used the words Pie and Cake...that is my reality. 

So...I am super busy these days...leaving little time for self discipline! 

Today has been a lousy food day for me...not horrific but certainly lacking any self discipline...and quite frankly...I am dragging my feet on starting work with the nutritionist/personal trainer that I am hoping can guide me through the next 20lbs...Remember...My next goal is to lose another 20lbs before the August 16th, 2014 -RALLY TO SERVE-PLAY IT FORWARD EVENT!!!!

So...I am posting...confession is good for the soul...Right?  Hopefully, it is good for the waist line too!!!

However...on some days...I just have to laugh at myself...So as I began to write this post...I decided to search for some great inspiration quote to address this day...

Instead...I have chosen the following...Forgive Me.

 

The above is SO True for me!!!! 

 

 

 The below...is also very true....Running is torturous for me...and I am betting...torturous for anyone who happens to see me run!!!!

 

 

 

So...I think it is good to have goals and deadlines and of course, I set a big one when I stated that I wanted to lose 120lbs in one year!!!  AND...because I am competitive...NOT reaching that goal is a challenge for me.  BUT...every time I see the below quote...I think that nothing seems to be more true for me on this Journey....

 

MOVE...A very important part of this Journey...To Physically Keep Moving...AND...Being Busy does not always leave room for MOVING!!! 

 

The complicated part for me...IS MOVING Physically and Being Patient...spiritually!!! 

 

 

 

 

Here is the Good News...Tomorrow is a new day...

 



Be Strong and Take Heart

So I received this from a friend over the weekend...a friend who by the way, is a gift of this Journey...we have become friends through this blog and our equal admiration for Kerri Lee Walsh Jennings!!!!

 

 

As I was reading this scripture...there was one phrase that I particularly heard in my heart! 

 

 

be strong and take heart!!!!

 

First...for me...strength takes heart...a dig down deep...way down deep in my soul kind of heart!  So when I read this scripture this really stood out for me...and of course it IS bolded in the text. 

 

Since this Journey began, I have invited change into my life...even when I thought better of it!! :)

I have asked God for help in "reshaping" my body AND my life.  Almost daily...that scares the hell out of me!!! 

 

Almost daily...I think...HOLY TOLEDO...what am I thinking. 

BE STRONG....TAKE HEART!!! 

 

In some way, shape or form, I reach for those words...that mindset every day...either of my own accord or at the urging of others...Again...thank God for the Others...and almost every day of this Journey...I have needed a different kind of strength than I ever have had before!

 

Right now, my life has a lot of moving parts...and right now...I again, am outwardly, purposely and knowingly inviting change into my life. 

 

And I continue to freak out daily!!! 

 

I still absolutely know that I am destined to be on this Journey...and I absolutely know in my heart that Change has to happen for the "Reshaping" to continue and I further know that the "Reshaping" MUST continue.  I am not done yet. 

 

I have weight to lose, wisdom to gain, people to meet, challenges to face...I have a bigger purpose in a "littler" body!!!

 

So....BE STRONG...TAKE HEART...IS A MUST!!!

 

But here is the deal...there are 5 WORDS....AFTER the Be Strong and Take Heart part...5 Words that are essential to "Reshaping" this girl's life...5 Words that I should have tattooed on my forehead...

 

AND WAIT FOR THE LORD....

After reading this scripture several times...I realized that the Strength that I need...The Heart that I need...is about Waiting...Watching and Being Willing to fully see and fully embrace God's guidance.

 

The impatience that I have feeds the "freak out" moments...

 

So again, A LOT of moving parts in my life right now...and as I have eluded to in others posts...on just about every single level of my life!! 

 

I am Staying In Motion...Seeking Clarity...and know that while lots of changes are happening, there are plenty more changes needed...giving me tons of opportunities to Be Strong and Take Heart and Wait for the Lord!

 

 

Before I go...here are a few pics from Mother's Day...I got to spend it with my sweet Mom...

 

Facebook was filled with all kinds of great "Mom moments" yesterday...I loved seeing all the Love!!! 

 

Here is my contribution!!

 

 

 

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day...to All of the great Moms that occupy special places in my life. 


I am surrounded by strong loving Moms who are and have always taken the time needed to be the teachers, healers, huggers, fixers to the amazing kids they are raising or have raised.  I am blessed to have them as examples in my life...I am blessed to have them as friends.

I, of course, am blessed to have a wonderfully funny, kind, strong woman for a Mom...the Mom of all Moms...Everybody's Mom!!! So here is a bit of a pictorial homage to my Momma! Happy Mother's Day to my Sweet Tone Tone!!

My Momma with her Momma and My Momma and Me!

 
  

Pacing the Cage

This may be one of those posts that leave both you and I scratching our heads about the heck it is I am talking about...All I can say is that I was driving home last night from work...listening to a Spotify play list and the below song came on.

Like I have said many times...sometimes music is the perfect conduit for feelings...some I did not even know I had. 

Music can speak to me in a different language than just words and when it does...as in this case, I feel compelled to share. 

Pacing the Cage-Bruce Cockburn

Here is one thing I know...music and lyrics are wonderfully open to interpretation.  I am pretty sure that when Mr. Cockburn wrote this song...he was writing about a larger global meaning probably intermingled with his life...his own meaning.

I am further sure he was not writing about a fluffy girl's view of her weight loss/life journey.  Of THAT, I am completely confident.


As I listened to this song...the lyric "Pacing the Cage" really struck me. 

There have been many different "pacing the cage" stages for me on this Journey.  Firstly, I think for me the "cage" represents the limitations of my life...typically self-imposed...some societally imposed...some imagined...but all feel very real. 

Being overweight is a cage...It is a limitation.   For me, it is also protection...from risk, from change...from others. Not necessarily consciously...but truthfully.

I am finding that as I shed the pounds...I find freedom and discomfort...a juxtaposition of who I have been and who I am becoming.  I find myself pacing within the limits of the cage...traveling between the two. 

As I read the lyrics of the song...there were several lines that rung true for me in context to this Journey...

Certainly on my sickest days...I felt like I had lived too long...and the days seem to creep by in a perpetual state of sluggish.  On those days, pacing was not even an option.  On those days I often put on a façade so that I could survive in the busy world around me.

As this Journey began...the inspiration I felt stirred a deeper, unbelievable desire in my gut...to lose my gut...and I began to mentally pace the cage I felt that I was trapped in...the pacing was good...it was motion...it was different. 

So as this Journey has progressed the "pacing" has become more about letting go of my old habits and transitioning to a new lifestyle...to a "new me".  Of course...that is a good thing.  AND...within that transition comes uncertainty...change...energy...clarity...all things that strangely can be overwhelming...too new to understand. 

As this Journey progressed from just about losing weight to all about gaining a better life...the pacing continues...I find myself constantly pushing the limits of the "cage".  Like I said earlier...the limitations placed on our lives can also be comforting and I believe, limitations within reason, protect us from the not so great stuff in life.

And for me...change brings discomfort...growing a new skin...is painful and wonderfully invigorating all at the same time. 

I love one particular verse of this song. It really speaks to finding my way along this Journey.

Sometimes the best map will not guide you

You can't see what's round the bend

Sometimes the road leads through dark places

Sometimes the darkness is your friend

So it is in this Darkness that I find having a relationship with God is essential. For me...it is in this Darkness that I find the Light of God.  That makes the darkness my friend. 

Though this all may be overly introspective for the reader...for me...this is a great message to get as I continue to pace the cage that exists in the form of my fluffiness. 

This song...and the way it touched me..provided me with a good Change of Pace.


Pacing The Cage

Sunset is an angel weeping
Holding out a bloody sword
No matter how I squint I cannot
Make out what it's pointing toward
Sometimes you feel like you've lived too long
Days drip slowly on the page
And you catch yourself
Pacing the cage

 

I've proven who I am so many times
The magnetic strip's worn thin
And each time I was someone else
And everyone was taken in
Powers chatter in high places
Stir up eddies in the dust of rage
Set me to pacing the cage
 

I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing
It's as if the thing were written
In the constitution of the age
Sooner or later you'll wind up
Pacing the cage
 

Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend
Today these eyes scan bleached-out land
For the coming of the outbound stage

Being In Motion

Being in Motion!!!

 That is one very important part of this Journey for me! 

Move Everyday in Some Way!!!

Now...generally I mean physically.  After years of immobility, lethargy, illness...MOVING in some way each day has been key to overcoming a tired body.  AND...overcoming a tired body...Every Day for the past 19 months...has been one of my biggest challenges.

As I began to move physically...I began to Move Emotionally as well...

I quickly found that as I my body began to change...to move...so did my feelings!!! 

For me...both are intrinsically linked for me.  I have found that I must be willing to BE  IN MOTION on all levels...so that means physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally....Moving forward...maybe even moving backward on some days...but always with the intent to Move Forward.

In order for me to fully embrace this Journey...I must MOVE!!!

As I write this....this quote comes to mind!

For me...not moving...means feeling Stuck...trapped in my body...my mind...a relationship or a circumstance...does not matter which...there must be movement.  Feeling Stuck is a lousy place for me! 

So everyday of the last 19 months...I set out to move!  Again...sometimes that movement is not forward...sometimes it feels like I move in the "wrongest" of wrong directions and other days I can feel the power of movement as I take a step forward...a step closer to my goal.

Today was a day of movement for me...on many levels...Today...I stayed in Motion.  Today...I took steps to advance this goal and today...I embraced this Journey. 

As always, with that comes some trepidation, some reservation and some hesitation...and I kept moving!!!

But...when I started this Journey...I could not walk...so I crawled...and that crawl has slowly progressed...and though I may not be "running" yet...I am willing to learn how to...and some day...This Fluffy will fly!!! 

In the meantime...I will Stay In Motion...I will Ask, Seek and Knock...

In the meantime, I will seek the courage I need in the Place God Leads...

Believe Beyond Reason

Happy Sunday...

One of my dear friends gave me this wonderful gift last week...

She gave it to me, I think, because she knows that it is something I need to hear, read, remember and live...

As you might imagine, when I started this Journey...I had to tap into a "Belief Beyond Reason" to even start this process. 

It was NOT reasonable to believe that I, this "morbidly obese", chronically ill, tapped out, middle aged woman, would quite suddenly say...I am going to pick myself up and start working out and lose (or at least try to) 120lbs in a year.  It was Beyond Reason to believe that was even possible.  I had been almost completely debilitated with chronic pain..and further defeated by ALL that comes with chronic illness...emotionally, physically and spiritually!!!  So  who would possibly believe...what reasonable person COULD believe that I, after literally 20+ years of living this way...would just GET UP and Begin this Journey...

Funny enough...It was ME who believed first (right after God)...through an absolute miracle...It was ME who believed when it was BEYOND reason to Believe! 

Then...others began to BELIEVE...the minute I spoke the Dream...Other Humans began to Believe that this tired, old, ragged, fluffy girl...Could change the trajectory of her life...Could stop traveling down a Dead End Road and find her way on this unbelievably different path...This path to Light...in more ways than one!!!

Another dear friend sent me this today:

 

Funny enough...though it was ME who Believed First...It is ME who lets FEAR slow me down...It is ME and me only, that thinks about Forgetting Everything and Running...BUT...Because I am now surrounded by Believers...Those that truly Believe Beyond Reason...that I even have the strength to Face Everything and Rise. 

It is because of the unbelievable Grace God has placed in my life...that I even can conceptualize Believing even when it is Beyond Reason.

As I sat in church this morning...I heard a sentence that truly touched my heart.  The sermon (generally) was about Living IN Christ...Living in Relationship with Christ and the concept that God created with intention that Spirituality is ALWAYS worked out in terms of Community...WE need each other...WE are better together...As the minister spoke (His sermon was much more in depth and cohesive that I am presenting here) he said a single sentence that struck a chord in me...that touched me...

He said, " We can't be who we are meant to be without each other". 

We are a community...A community in Christ and we need those in our lives that Believe When It is Beyond Our Reason to Believe.

Though I cannot fully explain here...at this very moment...I can share with you that this weekend...God has given me the Opportunity to Remember that I am capable of Believing When It Is Beyond any conceivable Reason to Believe. 

This weekend God has shown me, through my own community of Believers, through His community of Believers, that we are meant to be, work, live, trust and BELIEVE together...

WE are better together...ALL of us..

As I continue on this Journey...I am reminded that I started this Journey because God gave me an opportunity to Believe Beyond Reason....I have been able to continue on this Journey because others Believed Beyond Reason.

 As this Journey...This Fight To Light continues...The same Unreasonable Belief will be key! 

Thank you to all of my own...faithful...Believers in this Journey...

Today...thanks to my Guardian Angels (you know who you are)...for literally breathing a new brand of inspiration into this Journey...Thank you for Believing Beyond Reason...in me!

A Beautiful Life to Embrace

Life is funny...It is unpredictable, exciting, scary, laughable, enjoyable, hugely challenging and profoundly rewarding...it can be tiring and rejuvenating all at the same time! It is complicated! Life is Good and Bad...but...It is always better than the alternative for sure!!! In the words of someone very dear to me...No matter what...Life is Beautiful.

These past few weeks have been challenging for me...challenges I really could not comfortably share here...or anywhere for that matter. 

My faith was stretched to the opaque...til it was barely visible...and yet, again, I am on the "other side"...I, in the last week, have truly thought that this Journey was bigger than me...more than I could take...only to be reminded that this Journey IS bigger than me...But not bigger than God and the amazing, unrelenting, power of His Grace. 

I wish I could write that I will not ever again doubt God's unyielding love...but truth is, I probably will...
I  am flawed that way! 

Truth is while I was  busy being angry about those that underestimate me...I underestimated God.  Again.

So...I have some work to do...Everyday! 

Today, I reached out to a personal trainer/nutritionist.  I need a boost along this weight loss Journey...so, I am asking...seeking and knocking on someones door!  Asking for help, seeking some wisdom and ready for the change.

It is May 2nd!  In less than 4 months, I, along with a dedicated group of friends and family, will be hosting the 2nd Annual Play It Forward-Rally To Serve event,...AUGUST 16TH, 2014!

I want to lose 20lbs before that event.  It has been a while since I set a goal within the goal!  So I am setting one today. 

In the midst of ALL of the many growth opportunities I have encountered on this Journey lately...I need to Get Back to Shrinking!

I will need help doing that! 

So while life has seemed crowded with faith testing moments lately...God has literally blown me away...and placed some amazing Angels in my life! 

So 20lbs in 3.5 months...20lbs less of me to worry, to fret and 20lbs less to haul around! 

Again...this place will be key and so will your support! 

Lastly..Truth is for me...Life does not always appear outwardly beautiful.  At times, my limited vision keeps the beauty hidden and I can feel lost in the mess...but I have realized that in order to fully embrace this Beautiful Life...one must not only open her arms...but equally important open her heart, her eyes and mind to the possibilities that exist in God's Big World..Possibilities that far exceed the imagination.

I have work to do...I have shrinking to do...I have a beautiful life to live...a beautiful Life to Embrace!