Accountable to Me...

Hi there...this post is just about accountability for me...to me....

I am still really fighting this migraine....but more significantly...am fighting a feeling of defeat!

I need to keep in perspective that this too shall REALLY pass...no doubt...no ifs, ands, or buts...

I am letting this minor setback...be a major roadblock...

I needed to write down here that this is temporary....This is only a bump in the road...and God has got this handled.

I love the below saying!

I needed to remind myself.

Frayed Knot

A Joke:

A String walks into a bar...sits down on a barstool and orders a drink.
The Bartender looks at the String and says, "Are you are String? The String replies, "Yes"...Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve Strings here"
The String leaves the bar...but REALLY wants a drink...so he sneaks back into the bar...sits down and orders a drink.  "The Bartender says "Hey, I told you, we don't serve Strings here!!
So, desperate,  the String leaves...goes outside, ties himself into a knot....messes up his "hair", walks back into the bar...sits down and again, orders a drink.  The Bartender looks at him closely and says..."Hey, aren't you that String?" The String looks at the Bartender and says
"Frayed Knot"

Sorry...but I love that joke!

So, I have a reason for sharing this joke today...I am hanging on to the frayed knot at the end of my pain tolerance rope.
I am out of the hospital with a good report on my ticker!  My heart palpitations were induced by the ass kicking pain of the monster migraine!
For those of you that have been on this Journey well beyond the past 18 months,  then you know that my Migraine headaches have been debilitating for me...and I have gone through extensive treatment over many years.
As part of this Journey,  I have seen diminished migraine attacks...for which I am profoundly grateful. I am getting quite used to NOT having them!

So truthfully....I have been experiencing headaches quite a bit lately....and this beast of a migraine is hanging on...

So...I hate feeling this sick...and I refuse to be stopped in my tracks...and though it may sound dramatic....The knot I am hanging on to is dwarfed by the size of the knot in my stomach! THAT KNOT...the one in my stomach...is the fear of a chronic migraine cycle...hospitals, meds, shots, nausea and more nausea.

So here is what I am doing....I am talking about the knot in my stomach in hopes of making it smaller and hanging on to my hope "knot"...hoping that the ground will rise to meet my dangling feet!

That knot I am hanging onto is my Faith...it has to be larger than the knot in my stomach!

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.- Psalm 63:8

Bottom line...I am feeling afraid...sick and overwhelmed...Today! But am I giving up? FRAYED KNOT!

Pray vs. Worry-I am working on THAT!

Tools For Survival

Good evening...As I post this I am, unfortunately, in the hospital!

I woke up this morning with a serious migraine...not the every day, run of the mill migraine. ..but a real beast!

I stuck it out until about 1:00 PM or so...then decided I needed to make a trip to the ER. Along with that migraine....came some heart palpitations that have landed my fluffy self in the hospital! 

I have managed to be "hospital free" since June of 2012.  I was hoping to stay that way for a long time. So feeling a little disappointed tonight.

But you know....I am in God's hands...thank God

This Journey continues to be just that...a Journey....through all kinds of experiences...blessings, challenges, powerful moments and it seems...a hospital stay!

I learn something new everyday....I am loved everyday and I am a recipient of God's Grace Everyday!  Today...the only difference is geography! Today all of the above happened....just in a hospital room!

This too shall pass...
I continue to Ask...Seek...Knock!

Prayers are welcome...needed...and are the best tools for survival on this Journey!  That...and a migraine relieving "cocktail" have gotten me through this leg of my Journey!

Goodnight my friends!

Pray Vs. Worry

Happy Friday...I hope you all are geared up and ready for the weekend!

It has been an interesting week...another wild rollercoaster ride!

On the physical front...Lindsey and I walked 6.1 miles Tuesday night...the day AFTER I decided to do squats, lunges and the bike....
Let's just say that I may have cried a little bit on my way home that night...and laughed...because I cried!

Wednesday...all I can tell you...is that any movement I made was accompanied by a sound much like that of a dying humpback whale! 

Suffice it to say....I did NOT workout on Wed.

The gift hidden in the agony of the 6.1 miles...great catchup conversation with my Lindsey and the burning of 794 calories!

In the middle of all of this...my sweet friend Camille had to make a trip to ER...which of course, being the excellent "worrier" that I am...freaked me out!

She sent me these words...

Pray vs worry! If you worry, replace it with prayer. God can help us both that way.

Love her! Now my friend...with an already amazing heart...has a turbo charged  heart of Gold! Please keep her in your prayers as she recovers! 

I have thought a lot about her words....Pray Vs Worry...

When I started this Journey, I knew that I would have to replace unhealthy food..with healthy food...
Replace unhealthy inactivity with healthy activity. Those were no-brainers!

As this Journey has progressed,  I am learning to embrace Faith vs. Fear, Feelings vs. Food, Victories vs. Failures. These present a few more challenges for me!

Worry...is and has been just a part of whom I am for as long as I can remember....

Pray Vs. Worry...when I first read my friend's words...I thought...if I prayer instead of worry...I'll never stop praying....

Maybe that is the point!

Again...another way in which God offers the opportunity to see and feel His abundant Love...

Next week my life gets VERY busy...as I will be Coaching 2 girls volleyball teams...playing on a co-ed sand volleyball ball team...and planning for Year 2 of Play It Forward-Rally to Serve! 

I am FORGING ON!

Still my prayer is for Clarity of mind...of direction...and of heart!

If you see me...head down...eyes closed...hand clasped....Don't worry...just pray for me...that is what I will be doing!

Pray Vs. WORRY....Go Fluffy Go!

That's All A Girl Can Do

So on March 6th, I wrote a post called Embracing the F.A.T...and I created my own definition of F.A.T.

F.aith

A.ction

T.ime

• Losing weight...takes Faith (more than I could have ever have imagined)
• Losing weight-takes Action-Food choices, exercise, attitude...being in Action creates the energy needed to make big changes
• Losing weight takes TIME...and Patience!!!  For me, it has been a slow, methodical, amazing, and at times, overwhelmingly frustrating process.

So...many of you know about my Mom's Garage Door Signs...they have been part of this Journey from the beginning...Olympic signs...Overcomer Signs...Birthday Signs...So it will be no surprise to anyone that after I created the F.A.T. acronym...a Sign was Born:

 

Lately...this whole Journey has been about Signs...and the opportunity to have the Faith it takes to hear and see the importance of those signs...The opportunity to take the necessary Action in heeding those signs..and the always challenging (for me) Time and Patience it takes to embrace those signs!!! 

 

 

Today..I am just looking for a little Joy...a few victories!

 

...I lifted weights last night for the 1st time in a while...SQUATS...and TODAY...my hind end and legs are ANGRY!!  But...I lifted AND got in my cardio as well.

 

Tonight...I will be walking/running (according to my own personal Jillian Michaels-(Lindsey) at Memorial Park (one of Houston's biggest green spaces)...We will be doing "The Loop" there...at least it is a lovely day here in Houston!!  Good to be outdoors! 

 

Here are a few Joys from this week:

 

My Em and I went to see the Mr. Peabody movie...in 3D of course

 

 

I went to see Maroon 5 at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo..Me and 65,000 other people.

 

The sky last night...as I left the gym!

 

 

Riley and I...taking Selfies

 

 

 

I continue to seek that magical Clarity...To Seek that sometimes Elusive knowledge that everything is already OK...To Seek the even more Elusive loss of a lb or two...

 

AS the Sign above says...FORGE ON!!!  That's All a Girl can Do!!!  That....and pray with conviction...believe with Faith and Love with a full heart!!!

 

Still De-Fluffing...in more ways than one!

 

Thank you to ALL of the Champions of  this Grateful Fluffy Girl!

 

 





 

 



 

 

 



 

I am Listening

My last two posts have been about Surrendering...My will, My way, My Life fully to God and the difficulty I have doing so...

I discussed the Faith that it takes to truly surrender.

I shared the lyrics to and older hymn called "I Surrender All"

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior

This morning...as Church service ended...the worship leader began to sing

I Surrender All

I have not heard that song in Church in more years than I can remember....

As I sat there somewhat stunned at how clearly God is speaking to me...I thought...

Ok...I am listening!

I found this quote in the Peter Scazzero book I am reading.  He says:

Journeys involve movement, action, stops and starts, detours, delays, and trips into the unknown.

I am willing to move and BE in action...I am living the stops, starts, detours and delays...

It is the trip into the Unknown that gets me...

That is where the need to Surrender lives for me...

And here I am and I am Listening....I guess that is a start!

The Faith it Takes to Surrender

I Surrender All...those are the lyrics I quoted in my last post.

Easier Said than Done.

Surrender requires an immense amount of Faith..at least for me.

I confuse it with Giving Up.

Funny enough...I am quicker to Give Up than to Surrender...go figure.

After experiencing a big disappointment this week, getting my feelings hurt badly by someone I am close to and feeling as emotionally raw as ever...I again..struggle with wanting to give up and give in!

But not Surrender. 

But I found this posted on Pinterest:

 

 

 

This is the spiritual definition of Surrender:

 

To surrender in spirituality and religion means that a believer completely gives up his own will and subjects his thoughts, ideas, and deeds to the will and teachings of a higher power.

 

 

Here is the definition of Giving Up:

 

to cease doing or attempting something especially as an admission of defeat : 

 

There is a Hope in Surrendering that does not exist in Giving Up...

 

I am Asking, Seeking and Searching desperately for the knowledge and the understanding it takes to Surrender and to find that Hope. I am needing the Faith it takes to Surrender

 

In the meantime, I continue to move forward in this Journey...I am not giving up...just thinking about it a lot! Not thinking so much about Surrendering...and therein lies the problem.

 

I found this prayer...

 

Please hear my prayer. I go along each day, trying to run my life my own way. I forget to let go and give you control. I wonder why things aren't going the way I want them to go. I forget to stop and ask what you want, Lord. Please help me to give you control, Jesus. I want to follow you. I want what you desire for me. Help me to realize that when you close one door, you open the one you want me to walk through. Help me also to realize that what I desire may not be what is meant for me, or what is best for me. Maybe it will lead me away from what your great plan is for me.Lord, let me accept each day as a gift. Let me follow the path you choose for me. Help me to be thankful for what you give me and not to worry about my needs. I trust you will take care of all my needs.

 

I received these words from a dear friend today...unsolicited..no particular context. Completely out of the blue.

 

What ever it is, it's okay!

 

As she sent them...I was praying for the strength and faith to surrender and to trust that all will be OK. 

 

She said she had no idea why she sent them...other than it was on her heart to do so.

 

I know why!

 

Surrender!

 

May God Bless and Keep each one of you!

 

Jaime