A Renewal of Hope-Happy Easter

Happy Easter Everyone! 

My hope for all of us is that today was filled with the Renewal of Hope that is found in The Resurrection!

We started our day in Church with Donna and her family...We took up an entire pew!  The music today was really incredible!  Uplifting, Celebratory!  A reminder of what today means! 

As I start this week, I want to focus on a Renewal of Hope, A Renewal of Spirit and an energized soul that will tackle the rest of this Journey knowing that Ultimate Love and Undying Hope lies in The Resurrection. 

I have basically 4 months to go...4 months until our Big Volleyball game and charity event.  I want to make the best of it!  I want to embrace it fully, learn from it, overcome it and I want to succeed in whatever way that takes form. 

I made it through the Easter feast with only a few minor bumps and am ready to get fully back on track and work hard. 

Again, I will need your support.  I will need to be willing to be vulnerable, trusting, confident and completely turn this Journey and the results over to God....fully knowing that His plan is Perfect.


John 11:25-26 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” 

 

 I hope all of you have a wonderful week...I hope for you all a Renewal of Hope!  Happy Easter! 

 

 

 

 

Easter People...My Peeps

Hi to all...I hope you are all enjoying all the joys of this Easter Weekend. 

Today (the day before Easter) is the day my family celebrates Easter together..Most of us!

It is a great day because I get to spend at least a little time with my extended family.  You see as an only child, only grandchild...I obviously have no brothers or sisters and I have no 1st cousins.  However, I have been completely blessed by the fact that I have relationships with my Mom's (My grandmother's) side of the family. and though we don't necessarily get to spend tons of time together...we do get to see each a few times a year.  I cherish that!

It is one of my favorite times of the year...Lots of laughter, kids, dogs, Easter egg hunts and lots of food (of course). 

Today was no exception.  Though not everyone made it today...It was a great day!  We have a whole new "crop" of  kiddos and of course I am still fond of the old "kiddos" too!  These are some of the Old Kiddos!!

 

And here are some of the newer kiddos!

 

 

I am proud of my family. My Peeps!!!

  We live in Faith...We love a good laugh...We are huggers...or at least tolerate the huggers!!!. :) We can do some talking and we LOVE to eat!!

As I have said many times in this blog...My family has been and continues to be, amazingly supportive of my efforts.  Having support of any kind is wonderful...however, having a supportive family is key to this Journey for me! 



Again, I am proud of my family...We put our trust in God's Love...we make mistakes, we have victories, we overcome challenges and we rise above...We are not perfect but we know that Christ's Love IS!  We believe in the Resurrection...We are Easter People! 


"Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song."
Pope John Paul II

The Ultimate Act Of Love

Good Friday to you all!  It is a good Friday...Weigh In #32 has gone well.  I lost 2lbs this week.  I am happy with that.  I am NOT at work...another reason for this being a good Friday. 

I woke up this morning, got dressed and headed out to work out and go spend a little time Donna and Emily and then get in my park time today since the rest of the weekend will be busy!
On my way to Donna's, I get a phone call...on the line is a small, sleepy voiced 12 year old who really wants some fresh donut holes from the bakery around the corner....REALLY!!  So being the good Aunt that I fancy myself to be, I turn around, head to the bakery and purchase a dozen, warm, sugary balls of Fluffy Girl Kryptonite for the child!
I tell her, as I relinquish ALL of the donut holes to her...This, my child, is the Ultimate Act of Love!

As I sit here on this cloudy day...as I try to make sense of all the thoughts zipping around in my brain...I am so very aware that today is Good Friday.

I must confess...it has always been challenging to grasp as a Christian why today would be called "GOOD" Friday.  Today is the day that Christ died an unimagineably painful death on the cross. However, I read the below today and thought that this explains it perfectly for me

"Celebrating Good Friday means you understand the crux of Christianity. Good Friday is good because that is the day that we celebrate and honor the fact that Jesus Christ chose to die for us."~faithprovisions.com

THIS is The ULTIMATE Act of Love!

Today I can celebrate this Journey with all my imperfections, missteps, and misguided moments because Christ died for me.

This is a Good Friday!

SAVE THE DATE

Happy Thursday...BIG NEWS TODAY!!!!

SO...We have been,behind the scenes, planning for the BIG volleyball game/charity event. 

Once again...I am amazed at how God continues to bless this Journey.  Mom has been sending out emails to various volleyball facilities in the Houston area that have the court space and size to accommodate what we are hoping is a successful...BIG event.  One of those clubs is close to us in the Willowbrook area (NW Houston).  Today, we found out that the Willowbrook Sports Complex will be DONATING their facility for our use!!!  Completely thrilled!!!

So SAVE THE DATE-SATURDAY-AUGUST 24, 2013 will be a day to celebrate, play volleyball and give back!!  I am so excited and thrilled that we have a date and a place. 

There will be lots of details to follow.  Next week will be a big week for finalizing charities, time, event name, logo...etc...I have a great core team to work on this and will be looking for additional help along the way. 

I sent out the following information on Facebook and via email. 

EXCITING NEWS!!! In the next week, I will be announcing the details of a Charity Volleyball Event that will be held at Willowbrook Sports Complex at 12539 Perry Road, Houston, TX on AUGUST 24TH, 2013. PLEASE SAVE THE DATE!

We found out today that Willowbrook Sports Complex has been gracious enough to donate their facility to us!!! AMAZING!!!So I was too excited to wait to announce the date!!!

As some of you may know, I have been on a Journey to lose 120lbs in 1 year and play Volleyball again!!! Given all of the extraordinary blessings I have received in just 7 months on this Journey, I decided to make this an event that Gives Back!!! I hope you will save the date and will join us for a day of great fun, celebration, volleyball...and continued De-Fluffing on my Fight To LIGHT!!!

PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, TOTAL STRANGERS!!!

God Bless and I promise, more details to follow soon.

 

 

I can tell you this...we NEED volleyball players!!!  If you are interested in playing...please contact me at

 

fluffy2lite@gmail.com

 

Also, I can tell you there will be food, drinks, t-shirts...and a SILENT AUCTION  to help raise money for our charities.

 

I will make formal announcements regarding the charities next week. 

 

In the meantime, I have to continue to focus on losing weight...moving my feet, sharing my heart and growing my Faith!!! 

 

Your continued support and words of encouragement will keep me moving the right direction!!

 

Jaime!!!!

Mid Life Makeover- Or Not?

It is another Hump Day...Another day closer to Weigh IN Day...Another day of learning opportunities. 

I had dinner last night with a good friend...a friend that I do not get to see very often, but one of those friends that I always just feel comfortable with...no matter the time in between visits.  We had a ton of catching up to do...I have not seen her since I started my Mid-Life Makeover and because I was so ill last year, I could not be there for her when her mother suddenly passed away.

It was good to sit with her...talk (we can do some talking), reconnect and try to make sense of all of the life stuff we are both experiencing...She is a thinker...a ponderer, like me!  WE both might over analyze a wee bit...but, we manage!!! 

She is an incredibly strong person with strong feelings to go with that and she is smart as a whip.  It is always good to bounce ideas and thoughts off of her...she has wonderful insight! 

So I really enjoyed my time with her and my visit with her provided another opportunity to talk about this Journey with gratitude and again, I was reminded how much I have been Blessed...how life changing this Journey really has been so far and how much more there is to learn! 

As I was talking to her...I was tempted to call these changes in my life a Mid-Life Crisis...but I thought...this is no crisis...it is anything but for me...I have been in crisis a lot over the past several years and certainly have been at other times in "younger" day...no, this is more like a Mid-Life Makeover!  Now as I said that to her last night...I knew it was probably not as "original" as it felt in the moment.  But I liked it...

So I Googled it...and something quite humerous happened...I Googled (Google Images) Mid-Life Makeover and about 500 photos of CARS popped up...It seems that Mid-Life anything is directly linked to the automobile industry...Which made me think...If my life was judged by my car...I am DEFINITELY in crisis...and well beyond Mid-Life! 

So, after deciding that my car was NOT, in fact, a reflection of my life...I moved back to the whole Mid Life Makeover...I kinda like that...I thought about Mid-Life Do-over...Nah...Mid-Life MOVE over...made myself chuckle...As I played around with different ideas of what to "call" this change..I realized...

This is my LIFE...I have no idea whether I am in mid life, late life...get a life...whatever...I am in the smack dab middle of MY LIFE...EVERY day and ALL day...I just now know that I must LIVE it...to the best of my ability...old car and all!!!  Embrace it, Hug it, Seize it, Feel It , "Lose" it, Laugh with it and most importantly,  LOVE it!!! 


Speaking of Love...here is another "Love" song that I Love...too much????  LOVE-by Sugarland (link at the bottom of the post)


Is it the face of a child?
Is it the thrill of danger?
Is it the kindness we see in the eyes of a stranger?
Is it more than faith?
Is it more than hope?
Is it waiting for us at the end of our rope?

I say it's love!
I say it's love!

Is it the one you call home?
 Is it the Holy Land?
Is it standing right here holding your hand?
Is it just like the movies?
Is it rice and white lace?
Is it the feeling I get when I wake to your face?

I say it's love!
I say it's love!

Is it the first summer storm?
 Is it the colors of fall?
Is it having so little and yet having it all?
Is it one in a million?
 Is it a chance to belong?
Is it standing right here singing this song?

I say it's love
I say it's love

(I say it's love!)

Is it a veil or a cross?
 Is it the poet's gift?
(I say it's love!)

Is it the face that has launched over thousands of ships?
(I say it's love!)

Is it making you laugh?
 Is it letting you cry?
(I say it's love!)

Is it where we believe that we go when we die?
(I say it's love!)

Is it how you were made?
Is it your mother's ghost?
(I say it's love!)

Is it the wish that I'm wishing for your life
For your life, for your life the most?

 
LOVE-Sugarland

Settle Your House

Happy Tuesday...I hope today is filled with lots of wonderful, warm and fuzzies!!! 

We had our 1st Volleyball practice of the Spring Season last night and let me tell you...We are going to be a tough team!!!  My girls are BEAST!!!

 

 

They will be fun to work with and I am looking forward to learning and growing as a group!!! 

 

 

As I said last night our Team Motto is officially:

 

MOVE OUR FEET

SHARE OUR HEARTS 

GROW OUR FAITH

 

 

Of course, one of the biggest bonus factors in coaching Emily's volleyball team is getting to spend time with my girl.  She is growing up and I am loving every minute I get to spend with her...

 

She is bright, funny, loving, headstrong, goofy...generally, just precious!  I have always called her my Precious Girl...I still, to this day, ask her...Are you my Precious Girl?  Which I have been saying to her since she was tiny...She always says yes..only now..she adds a roll of the eyes!!! 

 

Our conversations to and from Volleyball are the best 20 minutes of my day!!! 

 

 

Tonight I am having dinner with my friend Mary...who is also quite precious!!  She makes me laugh, she makes think and is quite inspiring...She works in the same industry as I do...only she goes to Medical school on the side!!!  Wow!!! 

 

I am feeling better this week...my workouts are going better and I am starting to think this week will see another weight loss...I am hoping the Good Friday weigh in is a winner!!! 

 

 

I received a note from an old college friend...she was always very funny, very smart and was an absolute dynamo in college.  I have not seen her since we graduated (just last week...lol) but am Blessed to have reconnected with her via Facebook....She wrote this to me: 

 

 

The lesson in today's Sunday School was Adjusting to God's Will ~ and adhering to that direction. We had a mixed bag in the audience....some were: "We have to take care of our family, our community first, and through Him, we can minister in our community"...Some were" We have to be willing to sacrifice, like God" our family to truly be a servant". I'm with the first. You can't serve God if your own House isn't settled...So Jaime - stick with your mission. Settle your House. You are amazing to be committed to your health and The Lord. Those are both HUGE missions. God's Speed.

 

Really cool words...really hit home for me...Settle Your House!  Though I never thought of it using those very words...this is so very true for me.  My relationship with God...My House...must be settled before I can be all of the other things I want to be...

 

I am surrounded by Amazing People!!!  I am surrounded by God's Love!

 

Thank you LeeAnne!

 

 

Have a great evening and God Bless! 

 

Jaime

The Fluffy Seeker of Approval

IT IS MONDAY....In every sense of my normal reality of Monday...I am just choosing again to ignore the fact that Monday has reared its ugly head. 

I, however, can CHOOSE my Monday Attitude!  I choose to keep my head down, eyes on the road I am on and to just keep movin'!  Don't worry...my head won't be down so much that I miss anything around me!!! :)

So I have neglected to share that starting tonight, I will be coaching Emily's Volleyball team again.  New group of girls and a new season.  It should be fun and lots of learning for all of us!!! 

Our 1st practice is tonight!  I know that this will be another opportunity for me to Move my feet, Share my Heart and Practice my Faith!

As a matter of fact I think that will be our Volleyball Team Motto...Move our Feet, Share our Heart and Practice Our Faith!!! 

I am aware of something that I want to address...I think many of us in this society associate vulnerability with weakness.  Quite frankly, for me, it can feel like a weakness...I think that is why creating this space...this blog...and sharing so much at times does not "feel" good.  Other times it feels fabulous and it can really be freeing!!!  I think the key for me is that my vulnerability cannot be shared with any attached expectations of how it will be received or responded to..in any way.  I have to share it from a place of Truth....expectation free!! 

That for me my friends...is a challenge.  I am a seeker of approval...not a trait that I love about myself. I am the dreaded "people pleaser" of sorts!!  Not always...but when I am in that mode...not much good happens.  So...another layer to the weight I carry...my being vulnerable (willingly) can lead to disappointment for me...which can lead to shame for being vulnerable in the first place..which can lead to a big meal followed by a big piece of CAKE!!!

So a few things are making sense to me...by being vulnerable without a food crutch...well... it can feel crippling...but in the same breath...I will use the word "compelled" often when I put myself in a place of vulnerability...because I truly feel that this "vulnerability" displayed in this blog, in my relationships, in my current life...are "compelled" by God's will...I don't say that lightly.  It does not roll of my fingertips as I write this...it is another moment of vulnerability for me. 

Relationships are profoundly important to me...I work for them...through them and I need them.  My relationship with God...is just that "a relationship".  It is THE relationship that allows me to build all other relationships in my life and it gives me what I need to fight this battle I am in...BUT...I have to be vulnerable...NOT weak! 

I came across this except from a book (Daring Greatly) by  Brené Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W.  She is a graduate of The University of Texas and The University of Houston.  She is currently a professor at UH. 

She said the following:

"The perception that vulnerability is weakness is the most widely accepted myth about vulnerability and the most dangerous. When we spend our lives pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived as too emotional, we feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on. We’ve come to the point where, rather than respecting and appreciating the courage and daring behind vulnerability, we let our fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism..."
"..Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living."

"..Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path."
I love the above...It helps redefine vulnerability for me!

So..though I still feel afraid, nervous, emotionally exposed....I am going to continue to practice embracing vulnerability...I feel "Compelled" to do so!

Have a great evening...

I Will...with God's Help

Happy Sunday!  I hope your day is as beautiful as it is here in Houston, TX today!
This is the 3rd Sunday that I have taken some "me" time or some "be still" time in the park...to post, read, listen and provide myself some time to prepare my heart and mind for the next "right" step in this Journey! 
I have very quickly become very fond of this time!  Today the air is crisp, there are lots of people out, kids, dogs, some REALLY happy birds and me...sitting at a picnic table...below are a few pics of some of my favorite things I see!  Beautiful flowers...blue skies...and my beautiful diet cherry limeade from Sonic!  Lol!
Today...I sit here praying for renewed strength, revitalized courage and a powerful, abiding Faith!  I pray that I can be an example of God's Love...that I trust this Journey, show gratitude to those around me...respecting their Journey and share my desire to love, learn and grow!
I received a message from Kerri  Walsh on Friday...addressing "plateaus"
She said (I am paraphrasing)...
Plateaus are such tough tests...but are necessary evils to get the changes you are making to become habit.
I really love that...I need to "reframe" the "plateaus" into a more positive light.  There really are things to learn in every single moment of this process...It may take me a few times around the block to learn them...but I will catch on eventually!!

Kerri also encouraged me to "keep pushing"...I will...with God's Help!

Week #32 will be filled with more opportunities to lose the fluff, grow the Faith and share the Love...

Saturday SIMPLICITY and Skinn(ier) Jeans

Everybody needs a day off...even Fluffy girls...Today was one of those days...no workout...no deep thoughts...just hanging out...sleeping...watching NCAA basketball on TV....playing with the dog...simplicity...
We spontaneously decided to drive up to Montgomery and have dinner with our friend Patsy...had more grilled chicken...Thank Goodness I love dead bird!!  I am beginning to cluck...
I wore my new "skinny" jeans tonite...struttin' my fluffiness around Montgomery. 
So here we are...still hangin'  No big ephiphony's to share...just tired...needed a day like today...
I had a funny dream the other night...a relatively odd dream. 
First a little back story... Let's just say that I am aware that as I lose weight...my skin is NOT exactly "bouncing" back...so...having said that...I dreamed I was a Sharpei...yep, a Sharpei...a big, wrinkly, Chinese dog!  In the dream...my name was Sharpei as well...I was really kind of a mix of human/wrinkly dog...with REALLY saggy skin...unfortunately...that part...the saggy skin part may be a reality! LOL!  Don't worry...I will NOT POST PICS!  However...below is a pic of me in my "skinny"  jeans!  OK...so not exactly "skinny"...but skinnier!

Weigh In #31----I BELIEVE-I BELIEVE-I BELIEVE

Happy Friday..OK...it is Weigh In #31 and I am stuck on a plateau it appears...Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!!! 

I told my Aunt Charlotte earlier today that the Fluff and I are at a stalemate...hopefully not...there is still progress to be made...I just have to stay the course. 

I received some sweet encouragement from my favorite Olympic Gold Medalist this week...Really feels great having her in my corner...I asked her for a few extra prayers this week and this is what she sent me...love the words, love the message, love the support and love her!

 

 

It goes without saying that the last sentence seems to hit me the hardest...I gotta keep the Faith...it has gotten me this far!!! 

 



 

 

 

 

I have to Keep Walking in God's Will...Even when I want to "take over"...

 

Just about everyday...My Mom sends me a text (or tells me) that ...Jesus Loves You and So Do I...she has been doing that for years...I even have a ceramic coffee mug she made that has those very words painted on the bottom!!  Yesterday she wrote this:  "I ask Jesus to bless your day abundantly!  He loves you and so do I. Xoxoxo Mom"  Another reminder that I am loved...loved beyond measure! 

 

 

I find myself really focused lately on being in relationship to people, things, places,etc... that remind me that I am on a path that requires complete faith and trust.  I am opening my heart and mind and allowing myself to be vulnerable, inspired, tentative and at the same time, brave!  I like the fact that I have people in my life who are clearly on their own Journey and I am grateful to have people in my life that have the space to really grasp what I am trying to do and can be a source of strength to me.  I hope I can for them as well.  I actively "pursue" those people, things, and places...even when I feel kinda funny doing so...I know that is part of God's plan...

 

It is time for me to shake things up!!!  To get back to the very thing that started this Journey...Unexpected Inspiration"!!!  I crave that inspiration! 

 

I speak often about my faith and the relationship of that Faith to accomplishing my goal.  Again...let me say...that I really did not truly know that was how this all would go down! Yes... I knew that I could not accomplish this without my faith in God and I knew that I would need others support...as much as humanly possible!!  I knew that I wanted to lose weight so that my health would improve and I knew that there would be peaks and valleys...

 

I did not know that my spiritual growth would be more important than my diminishing girth!!!  I did not know that my life would be changed by the people I am meeting...I did not know that I would sit down and write some of my most personal feelings...on the INTERNET!!!  I did not know this would be soooo difficult and I certainly did  not realize the blessings that God had in store for me. 

 

I am not sure that I believed what I was going to undertake would have any value beyond getting healthy  ( though that is certainly valuable)! 

 

Now that I am 7 months into this Journey...I am not sure I believed it was possible to lose the equivalent of another human in terms of weight...still struggle with that.  I do not know what lies ahead.  I do believe that God is with me at all times...I do believe that God is giving me opportunities to completely be the very best person I can be...I do believe that God works through others! 

I do believe in HOPE...I do believe in LOVE and I do believe that if I BELIEVE that I can BE!!!

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

I BELIEVE...I BELIEVE...I BELIEVE!

 

 

 

 

OK...Week # 31 is in the books...Week # 32 lies AHEAD!!!

 

 

MAWA!!!!  LET'S ROLL...

Building Hope and Strengthening Faith

Addiction...there are lots of definitions of addiction.  Just Google it and see...but I found one that I like..it is simple, to the point and for me, says it as clearly as possible.

Addiction:

The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

I don't know about you...but I, over my lifetime, have associated addiction with substance abuse, particularly drugs and/or alcohol.  It has been compartmentalized in my brain as an issue that applies to those who misuse  substances...of course...I never really thought about food addiction. 

In college, I was a Resident Assistant (RA) in the dorm I lived in and we were required to take a class that addressed different forms of addiction...drugs, alcohol AND Anorexia and Bulimia...I suppose that though I knew about both illnesses...I did not really associate them to food but more with body image issues. 

I think that if someone had said to me at that time that plain ole overeating was a form of addiction, I would have said they were off base.  As part of our training as RA's, we were required to look for signs of these addictive issues...behavior, substances, unexplained illness...

But nobody ever said watch for the girl who eats cheese bread sticks every night...drinks a 6 pack of Cokes daily...and thinks that Ding Dongs are a food group!  That was perfectly acceptable behavior..well maybe not..but it was certainly not anything anyone was immediately concerned about and it certainly was not covered in any class I took.  It was instead just considered bad eating habits...and certainly compared to the other covered addictive behaviors..the short term effects were not nearly as potentially life threatening.

However, overeating is an addiction...bad eating habits are a form of addiction...I don't speak to this as an expert or trained professional...I speak to this from a place of experience as an over eater. 

Here is my reality...I have struggled with the thought that overeating is an addictive behavior for most of my life.  It was just not something I wanted to accept.  For me, it represented weakness, a weakness in character, a flaw and that was not something I really wanted to embrace. 


Now I am not going to launch into a further discussion about addiction here...I am neither inclined to do so or qualified to do so...but here is what I know about myself....I use food as a crutch, an emotional enabler...a filler for things that are missing from my life...a stress reliever, a reward!  Food is celebratory, soothing, comforting...etc...in my world. 

The reason I mention this now...I find that as I struggle with a few things...Food continues to be one of my go to's for relief.  I still struggle with late night eating (when my brain likes to ponder all possible life scenarios)...I still think of food as a means of relief from any discomfort, pain (physical or emotional) that I may have...

I do continue to work on it and I am continuing my efforts to seek help with my Journey. 

I saw a nutritionist yesterday and was able to be really honest with her about this process...the issues that I have with food and I told her I needed a food plan.  I need someone to help me with my food choices.  Not really easy for me to admit...but truly it something that I  need at this point. 

I did so well while on "the cleanse" and I got it that I had a very strict plan to follow and I knew with that plan in place and the measures I have taken to have accountability checks in place...I succeeded.  I need help to suceed...

Addiction is an ugly word...It is not pleasant and nobody likes to admit the addiction...whether it be drugs, alcohol, food, work, exercise...facebook :)

Nobody likes the way it feels to admit that we are not strong enough to overcome our weaknesses alone. 

This is when I know that I have to keep my Faith in Focus...I have to trust that God is giving me the tools to overcome..no matter how long it takes or how many times I fall. 

Again, I have had the opportunity to invite all of you into the Journey...I have been given the strength to allow you to see the all of the parts of this Journey...warts and all.  I am finding support in places I would have never expected it...in places that I knew would provide that support...I have been up and down...I have been victorious, thrilled, disappointed, lost and yet...all of it seems to make sense. 

Not only do I have the opportunity to share my weight loss Journey with all of  you...but I have the opportunity to share my faith...as it grows...and I am blessed to have others around me who are experiencing their own growth...I cherish the trust that comes from sharing our experiences.  It Builds my Hope and Strengthens my Faith. 

Thank you for your patience as I plod along....I did find this funny cartoon...thought I would share...Gotta Keep Smilin'!

Meaningful "Words"

Hi...Happy Wednesday...I hope all is well in your world. 

I slept 20+ hours yesterday...I guess I had some kind of 24 hour stomach bug...needless to say, it knocked on my hind end!!  Strangely, I am feeling tired today!  I guess too much sleep!!!

I have been thinking about "words"...I heard a song today called "Words"  Here are the lyrics...

They've made me feel like a prisoner
They've made me feel set free
They've made me feel like a criminal
Made me feel like a king

They've lifted my heart
To places I'd never been
And they've dragged me down
Back to where I began

Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

You can heal the heartache
Speak over the fear
(Speak over the fear)
God, Your voice is the only thing
We need to hear
(We need to hear)
Words can build us up
Words can break us down
Start a fire in our hearts or
Put it out

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You
(Back to You)

Let the words I say
(Let the words I say)
Be the sound of Your grace
(Sound like Your grace)
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

I wanna speak Your love
Not just another noise
Oh, I wanna be Your light
I wanna be Your voice

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You






 

As I fight this battle against all of the things that keep me overweight...that keep me unhealthy...I want my "words" to have meaning.  I want my "words" to reflect God's Grace and I want my "words"  to express how much this Journey depends on the Strength, Faith and Love of God and of all those who are helping see me through this battle. 

It feels like a battle today.  But I know that it is a battle I can win...I hope you read my words and know that I am fighting this battle with all of my heart...I hope you see God's truth in my words...

Today I feel like David against Goliath...but I am ready to continue the fight...only because of God's words...

I decided to post several passages of scripture that see me through rough days...mostly for me today!! 

Thank you for  your continued support.  Your "words" have been reminders of God's Love!


"For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe." ~Psalm 61:3

Isaiah 41:10   fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

 

Knocked Out

Hi to all...It is late Tuesday and I have not been operational today! 

Today was all about being sick!  Completely wiped out and in bed.  A virus I guess..but whatever it was..it knocked me out!

I got up today...got dressed and left for work.  Got about 10 minutes away and knew that I was not going to make it!  So, I turned around and came home...went to bed and here I am.  This is officially the only thing I have done today. 

So...I will start again tomorrow.  I am hoping that this day of forced rest will pay off and that tomorrow will be better. 

Please keep this Journey in your prayers. 

Here is to a better day tomorrow. 

Persistence Will Pay Off

Hello...It is Monday...again...I am just ignoring the fact that it is Monday...I think I still have Sunday on my mind. 

I really did not mention my day yesterday...too busy trying to get off the roller coaster ride...but my Sunday was good.  Started the day with Church....got to see the weary travelers (Donna and Emily)...after church...Mom, Em and I had a nice lunch...Emily told us her skiing stories, talked about fun with her friends and her new ski friends.  She got to have lunch at the Ski lodge with JUST her friends...no adults..she got to order her own food AND according to her...she made healthy choices...grilled chicken and Frito's...hey...there is corn in Frito's...I love her!!!  Her friends ordered M&Ms and Skittles...no corn in those...OK...maybe corn syrup!!!

After lunch...We dropped Emily off at home...I took Tone Tone home and I headed to the Y!  Did a fast 15 minutes on the elliptical...did another 35 minutes of weights (legs and upper body/back).  I felt pretty strong.  Walking has become my go to lately...mainly because I was preparing for hiking AND because I really have wanted to be outside.  I guess walking is good though...because I felt strong!

I am aware that pretty soon...this Fluffy Girl will not want to be anywhere there is NOT near an air conditioner...I don't do hot!!!  So I am taking advantage of the great weather we have been having!!!

I spent some "me" time in the park...blogged...got to have a semi uninterrupted conversation with Donna about a few things that have been going on with me. 

In the afternoon, Emily and I took a walk and played some volleyball....again...did I mention that I love her!!!!   She is quite funny...so getting to spend some lengthy time with her does my heart good!  She is at the age where she is still at times a little girl...and at times, she is a young lady...not an easy age necessarily but such a sweet combination to watch!  I am grateful that she likes to still spend time with her Aunt Jaime! 

I got to step off the roller coaster for a little while...not knowing how long that will last...I enjoyed my afternoon.  I was with people I love all day.  I started my day focused on God...with music...with my Mom, Donna and Emily...with the knowledge that I am loved...with the belief that God is with me even when I am standing on Shaky Ground! 

I received some really supportive comments yesterday...from a high school friend that I have probably not seen since she graduated!  She was a teammate of mine...an amazing athlete by the way...who sent me a message on Facebook that she read my blog for the first time Friday and that she went back and read all of the posts from the beginning...WOW!!!  Bless her heart!  That took some time.  I am amazed!  I got a message from Kerri Walsh Jennings too...always makes me smile...

Again...just when I think this Journey maybe getting too big for me...Just when I think that I do not  have the courage to continue...I am reminded by someone or several someones that I can...it will continue to be work...but I can do this.  I continue to be blessed by new friends...old friends...and of course my sweet family.  I am still taking risks..being honest, sharing my heart and praying for the right words...praying for wisdom and trusting my gut!!! 

Someone said this to me earlier...Persistence will pay off!  I believe her...I have seen so many miracles along this Journey so far...I believe that my willingness to trust this Journey...to trust God's plan and trust the people he puts in my life...will propel me to my goal.  I must be Persistent!

Never Let Em' See You Sweat

"Never let em see you sweat!" 

I don't know if you guys are familiar with that slogan...I think it was a deodorant ad campaign back in the day.

But it has a different meaning for me...

I have been thinking about how I have been feeling in the last few days...you know...exposed, vulnerable...a little too seen and a little too heard...kinda of like being naked in public...without the horror and the possibilty of an arrest!!

So...it made me think about a question someone asked me YEARS ago...this person said to me..."what does your weight protect you from?  What are you hiding from?  Now at the time I was asked that question, I was in my early twenties...and my initial thought was..HUH? I have no idea what you mean and I am thinking I SHOULD be hiding from YOU...CRAZY!  Seriously...I thought the question was nuts!

I thought it was a crazy question for quite some time...UNTIL I began to get the answer...the Answer began to slowly enter my mind. Unsolicited. Unwanted and very much Unappreciated.

Now I have to tell you that I will not really be addressing the answer here today...in small part because it is intensely personal but in larger part because I really don't KNOW the whole answer...not yet...or at least not in a way I can verbalize yet!
But here is one thing I am getting...the answer is in this Journey...the problem is that I have to be willing to hear it, accept it and trust it. 

Here is where the never letting people see you sweat part comes in...Somewhere along the way I adopted that "slogan" as a way of life.

Don't let people see your weakness...don't let anyone see you sweat! 
Over the years, I have been "forced" to break my own rule...to let people see me at my weak moments...it is painful, embarrasing, generally yucky!  But I have learned to do it. 

Lately...I have been sweating my butt off and everybody knows...everybody is watching...ok...maybe not EVERYBODY...but it feels like it!

Part of the Answer to that crazy question...well it requires that I let others see me sweat ...that much I know...now I just have to Accept the Answer and Trust It....

We are 7 months into this Journey today....there is a lot more sweating to be done! 

Mawa!!

Pants on the Ground

Hi...Hope your Saturday has been good.  Mine has been good.  Feeling better today.  After really talking about how I was feeling last night, crying about it (literally) and getting some needed air...I decided to shop!  Yep...retail therapy was in order!  I need pants...finally, my body shape and size is changing enough that my pants (particularly dress pants) are just too dang big...like almost falling on the ground big...Which makes me think of the Instant Classic from American Idol....

Pants on the Ground
Pants on the Ground
Lookin Like a Fool which cha pants on da ground!



OK..I digress...My friend Lindsey told me last week..."Go Buy Some Pants"!!!  So I am feeling lousy but decided to take the risk of trying on clothes with a bad case of low self esteem...could be risky OR could be a boost if the clothes are a size smaller...

So my Mom and I headed to shop...I really had no idea what size to try on...so I just started grabbing smaller sizes...I began the trying on process...I really prayed before I went...hoping that shopping for smaller sized clothing would not advance my case of low self esteem and overexposed emotions...but instead provide a needed boost.  GUESS WHAT...4 pair of pants later (plus 2 shirts as a bonus) I was the proud owner of smaller clothes with dress pants that are 3 sizes smaller than the last pair of pants I purchased!  Not bad for a fluffy girl!!!  Not bad for the Fluffy Girl Blues either! 

It did not backfire!  I could actually see the results right before me...and though I am very aware that I have a long way to go before looking in the mirror is not painful...It hurt a lot less in smaller pants!!! 

As usual..I was provided with an opportunity to see the bright side of this Journey in the midst of a dark moment.  Just as the overwhelm and painful parts of this Journey began grabbing hold...I get a boost..I get to experience a blessing.

As my Mom and I sat at dinner (after shopping), I received a text from a friend. A friend who has had a significant impact on my Journey in a very short period of time...and I have taken risks with being forthright and honest about that impact with her...and that has been a little scary for me.  But last night, she shared something very special with me...something very important to her.  First, the absolute joy of the story itself was uplifting...and secondly, the fact that she chose to share such a special, personal story with me was so touching...amazing really.  I felt honored and I felt the presence of God.   It immediately served as a reminder to me that God is right there...right in the middle of any dark moments or scary turns..right in the middle of my insecurity and fear! 

The roller coaster is scary...is represents extremes and I don't like extremes...especially when I see them in the mirror...I wrote this about the whole "roller coaster thing" back in an October post in this blog.  I was talking about my uneasiness with the "ups and downs" of this Journey...I found it interesting that this came from my mouth...considering what I wrote yesterday...Had to share it again.

'But the view from the top of a roller coaster is wonderful and the drops can be so exhilarating!! I have committed to the ride...I think I just need a little pick me up...'

I got my "pick me up" last night...in the form of smaller pants and a special friend and I am Committed to The Ride...even if it gets scary!!!

I felt compelled to post these song lyrics again ( I posted them a month or so ago)...I love them!

I came up, out of the water.
Raised my hands, up to the father
Gave it all to him that day
Felt a new wind kiss my face
Walked away, eyes wide open
Could finally see where I was going
It didn't matter where I'd been, I'm not the same man I was then

I got off track, I made mistakes
Back slid my way into that place, where souls get lost, lines get crossed and the pain won't go away
I hit my knees, now here I stand
There I was, now here I am..Here I am.
Changed.

I got a lot of "hey I'm sorry"s, the things I've done, Man that was not me
I wish that I could take it all back, I just wanna tell 'em that.. tell 'em that
I've changed for the better.
More smiles, less bitter..I'm even starting to forgive myself
I hit my knees, now here I stand
There I was, now here I am, here I am, here I am
I'm changed. Yes I am.. I've changed for the better
Thank God, I changed.

Weigh In #30-It's Complicated

First...Let me say-- TGIF!

Second... Today, I am acutely aware of how much of a Roller coaster ride this Journey is!  A little too acutely for comfort.  I do like being comfortable!  Today I am not. I can never decide what part of a ride on a roller coaster is scarier for me...the slow ticking upward...up the hill...the anticipation of the big drop or if the big drop is actually the scariest part for me...and YES..I am a big chicken when it comes to the roller coaster! 

So...for me...I have had a series of slow..upward climbing moments during this Journey...and I have have had some free falling moments...straight down...both have been scary, arduous, glorious, overwhelming, joyful..blessings in their own unique way.  So far...I would not trade any of the moments...they are all teaching me things. 

However, some days the roller coaster catches me off guard.  As I have said before...some of that may be hormonally induced!  :)  Some is just part of the Journey.  I woke up today tired, knowing that my day is full.  It is also a weigh in day and instinctively I knew this weigh in would not be great.  I am fairly in tune with how my body feels on good weeks...and this morning I did not have that "good" feeling.  So...I gained a lb last week.  I remember when I started this Journey back in August, a friend who has already gone through this process told me to prepare for weeks where I did everything "right" but the scale would not reflect any results.  Generally, I have been able to roll with that...and I will roll on from here too!  And it is just a reminder that this is hard work.  Hard work, that I have avoided for years!! 

See... when food is tied directly to emotions...it is never just a simple process.  It is complicated.  It is difficult because one thing "feeds" off of another and for those of us that struggle with that aspect...the stress eater...emotional eater thing...well, the roller coaster ride gets a lot scarier if there is nothing to satiate the fear. 

Obviously, this is when having faith, courage, strength...all of those good things...can come in handy...I know this about me...I can have all of those things...all the good traits..but if I am not careful...the negative traits will ease their way right back in to my daily life.  So it is hard work!!! 

I am also aware that allowing myself to be vulnerable can be a double edged sword.  When I started this process...I did not actually think too much about starting this blog...I went with my gut (so that I could lose my gut...hahaha)!  If I had spent hours processing whether or not this was a good idea..it would have never happened.  This level of honesty scares the  hell out of me (everyday).  Oh...it is a good thing...but it is the biggest, scariest roller coaster I have ever been on!!!  It requires a level of honesty that makes my head hurt!  It is not that I was a dishonest person before I started this process...let's just say though that I may have omitted much of what I say here...

I wrote the following in my February 4th post:


I share things here ( in writing) that I have not been able to verbalize in the past. I did not know HOW vulnerable I would allow myself to be here and I can tell you that at times I have major risk remorse after sharing some of what is happening on this Journey.



Today this is SO true for me...You see...I have not only been painfully transparent here...but it is bleeding over into my daily interactions.  I think it is part of my Journey...I think allowing myself to be seen by others is part of  my process of losing weight. 

Deep thoughts!!!  Don't nod off...I am almost done!

 Here is what I have come to reluctantly know about myself...My weight is directly tied to my behavior...emotionally, physically and spiritually...I get this on a deeper and deeper level everyday.

This shedding of pounds is not just about putting down my fork and the fried chicken...it is about shedding all of the things that keep me from me being the best person possible...AND it is about being real...real honesty, real emotion, real truth and as a bonus...real healthy! 

This may not make sense to some of you...or you might think that it is way too deep for a weight loss blog...I think that at times...I think...look... just do more sit ups...run an extra mile and stop eating...that oughta do it!!!  But...that does not cut it...It is Complicated! 

But you know...I am trusting my gut...while I try to lose my  gut!  My gut says...this is the way!  It IS complicated...IT is tough...IT is a Roller coaster and It IS important enough for me to do..even if I feel uncomfortable and exposed! 

I heard this song today...It made me feel better!  Here are the lyrics and the link the song is below. 


93 million miles from the sun,
People get ready get ready,
Cause here it comes it's a light,
A beautiful light,
Over the horizon in to your eyes

Oh, my my how beautiful,
Oh my beautiful mother,
She told me
"Son in life you're gonna go far,
If you do it right you'll love where you are.
Just know that wherever you go,
You can always come home"

240 thousand miles from the Moon
You've come a long way to belong here,
To share this view of the night,
A glorious night,
Over the horizon is another bright sky

Oh, my my how beautiful,
Oh my irrefutable father,
He told me,
"Son sometimes it may seem dark,
But the absence of the light is a necessary part.
Just know, no you're never alone,
You can always come back home"


You can always get back...

Every road is a slippery slope
There is always a hand you can hold on to.
Looking deeper through the telescope
You can see that your home's inside you.

Just know that wherever you go,
No you're never alone,
You can always get back home.

93 million miles from the sun,
People get ready get ready,
Cause here it comes it's a light,
A beautiful light,
Over the horizon in to your eyes...


Jason Mraz-93 Million Miles

The Fluffy Girl and Willingness

Hello and Good late Thursday evening to you all.  I have had a long day...Lots of things to do...Lots of fluff to lose!!  So I worked all day...Walked 3.5 miles, grocery shopped, walked Greta, did the hokey pokey and turned myself around!!!  O.K. I did everything BUT the Hokey Pokey...but I am certainly feeling Pokey tonight!!! 

Yes...I did walk 3.5 miles tonight...NEW FLUFFY GIRL RECORD!!  I started really slowly...honestly, I did not really feel like walking at all..I spent most of the day physically struggling...Not that anyone likes not feeling well..But I am a funny bird!  I try to compensate in any way I can to make sure that it is not obvious that I do not feel well! I have always had some shame about being ill...I know that is weird and trust me...I will continue to address that weird character flaw with a professional...:)
However, as I started my walk tonight..it was really physically difficult...but right before I started...I had been looking at a picture that my friend Kristen took at Enchanted Rock...

This is a picture of me...starting my climb up Enchanted Rock...but I love this picture because it represents my Journey...one step at a time...Kristen really captured that for me in this photo.  Someone commented on the photo:  "Love this picture and what it represents--your amazing journey!"
So I read that and started my walk...This is an amazing Journey and I cannot take that for granted and there is no guarantee that it is going to be easy...It has not been easy...but it truly has been amazing.

 So...as I walked I felt stronger and stronger...I fought through the discomfort and the "struggle" and I just WALKED...I plugged in my ear plugs...listened to some good music and did my best to remember that all I have to do is put one foot in front of the other...Before  you know it...I had gone 3.5 miles...I used my struggle for good.  I decided I was absolutely willing to stretch through the physical and emotional pain...I remembered that God is the Author and Perfecter of my Faith and I just have to be willing! I am willing...I am inspired! 

Tomorrow is Weigh in #30...Tomorrow is the beginning of the 31st week of this Journey and I am willing to Move Forward, Trust this Path and Know that I have all the Faith I need! 

Please keep this Journey in your prayers!  At times...my vision is not so clear and I need your prayers for strength and courage...I need prayers for FOCUS!  Kristen took another photo I love...funny enough..it reminds me of this very thing...

Before I go...I love CNN's online segment called Distractions...If you have a minute...watch this video..I sometimes completely relate to sweet little Penguin!!

Scared Penguin

Seeing, Accepting, Sharing

Hello everyone...I hope your day has been fantastic!  Today was a decent day...and I am still here...so that is a good day in my book! 

I did wake up with a headache today..the 1st significant headache I have had in a few weeks...believe it or not...that is a Blessing.  Last year at this time...I was probably having migraines 2 to 3 times a week and starting April 15th of last year..I had a migraine for more than 6 straight weeks. It sucked big time...and I was completely debilitated by it.  So NOT having a migraine for almost 4 weeks...is unbelievable! 

I have made the decision to rest tonight.  As most of you that have been reading along for the past 7 months know...I have struggled with resting or understanding when to rest.  One thing that I have learned..is that resting is a MUST.  My body gets tired...and despite by brain's insistence that I am still a young, vibrant, athlete...reality is that my body is in fact 46 years old...and NOT too vibrant! 

So tonight...I walked Greta (Emily's dog---I am doggie sitting) and knew that was the only exercise this body is up for tonight.  But as I was standing in the front yard...letting Greta get some air and take care of "bidness"...my brain was saying "Girl...you better not slow down...you have a long way to go!...just a constant little irritating voice going over and over in my brain...it makes me crazy...For those of you that know me well, you know I can do some serious talking...sometimes incessantly AND for those that have had to live with me...well you know that when I am tired...I TALK MORE!!  So what happens on the outside is 10X worse on the inside..again...crazy making. 

But a funny thing happened...I decided to pray...standing right there in the front yard...just STOP and pray...Pray for a peaceful mind, pray for tolerance of my own pace on this Journey, pray for patience and pray for relief from my own crazy voice!!! 

Then..as I was standing there...a friend pulls up in her car...a friend that I am just getting to know but a friend that completely warms my heart!  She is just one of those comforting, " wonderfully present" people...I don't even know if she knows that...but that is my experience.  So she pulls up...we talk for a few minutes...I get out of own head...I get to smile..laugh a bit... A Happy Happenstance..NO WAY!  For me...a Prayer Answered!  In record time!!!  I left there feeling peaceful, happy and perfectly content with my decision to not workout! 

I choose to believe that God works through others...I do not take that lightly and that is why I feel compelled to share the story above.  Though it may sound a little far fetched to some...that moment served as just another reminder to me that God is constantly working WITH me on this Journey.  He knows what I need and He provides.  I just have to be willing to SEE it, ACCEPT it and SHARE it! 

So thanks C!!! Thanks for stopping! 

This entire Journey continues to be about Seeing, Accepting and Sharing...it applies to just about every experience I have had along this path. 

SO...I am going to sign off...put on my PJ's...and REST...Rest my mind, my body and my spirit!