Follow The Leader

Ok...I have waited as late as possible to post today...Largely because my Weigh In sucked!!!  El Sucko Grande!!!!  I gained 2lbs this week and I have no idea why...I hiked, elliptilized myself, lifted weights...plus...It is not like I am eating like a fiend!!!  NO! 

So...I have waited all day so that this blog post was not a profanity laced protest about how difficult it is to lose 120 lbs...

I met my friend Lindsey after work for a quick visit, Mom and I went out to dinner (I did not EAT my feelings), bought 2 new pair of running/training shoes, had a nice conversation with an Academy shoe salesperson...Debra!!!  Very friendly and told me to Go Get Em Girl!!!  After I whined to her about how hard it is to lose weight....

I had a nice conversation with sweet friend Stef...She told me not to get too caught up in the 2lb pound thing...We talked about our lives...both of which are jammed packed with opportunities to Let Go and Let God...and now here we are!  Lucky for you...I am too tired to whine, moan, protest, cuss or dissect today's weigh in!  I am fried! 

I have absolutely no idea what is next...except this:  I am starting The Cleanse on Monday....I will be training diligently for the big Sand Dune in Manhattan Beach.  I will be working on the Play It Forward Benefit and I will be praying...praying that I have the patience, courage and strength to Follow The Leader!

 

 

 

Before I go...I want to acknowledge that today was a difficult day in the City of Houston.  Four Houston Firefighters and First Responders lost their lives today battling a 5 alarm fire.  Having friends and family members that have served as Firefighters and law enforcement officers, I can only imagine the loss these families are experiencing tonight.  My prayers will be with the families, the fellow first responders and those that knew these four people personally.  May God Bless and Keep Them All!

 

 



Can I Get An Amen

Hi...It has been a really busy day...work, workout, making plans for our trip to Cali.

So much to do! So many new adventures ahead.

Kerri Walsh was kind enough to let me know what days work for her and we had a "twitterrsation" today...so fun!  Seriously...please hear me say...she is an absolutely amazing human being and I am so completely sure that meeting her will be a blessing of epic proportions!! :)

I am exhausted tonight...excited about my trip, with tired muscles from my workout.  I have not even been home yet this evening...but I could not feel more confident that despite the ups and downs...the seemingly molasses like pace of my weight loss amidst my admitted Faith Fallout moments...I am on an Amazing, God Driven, Butt Kicking, Eye Opening, Life Affirming Journey........And I Will Be The Better For Having Taken This Road!

CAN I GET AN AMEN!

Lighten My Load

Happy Hump Day!!!  I am off a little this week...I guess the Monday holiday has thrown me off of my axis a bit...I cannot quite seem to get in the groove!

So I went to the gym last night and did 2 miles on the Evil Elliptical...the longest 2 miles in the history of mankind...OK....maybe not...but I am still feeling the burn of the 8 (million) mile hike!! 

I seriously cannot get out of a chair, off the couch...out of the shower...etc...without making some kind of pitiful utterance!!  It is hilarious!

I am however, taking a night off tonight!  I am having dinner with my friend Mary and there will be no working out.  These 46 year old legs and feet need a recuperation night!  I will be back at it on Thursday though! 

So I have a confession...they say confession is good for the soul...whoever "they" are probably never tried to lose 120lbs and write about it everyday...but here goes! 

I am feeling stuck!!!  As noted in my weekly weigh ins...the weight is not falling off of me and I am struggling a bit with my food...not so much my choices of food ( I am not really eating anything horrible..though I have certainly incorporated a few things back into my diet that I had completely let go of after the 1st cleanse). 

Truthfully, I am not exactly sure what is going on and here is the next part of the being stuck story...I am tired of thinking about it!  That is part of the battle for me!!!  Even after 9 months of slowly changing my eating habits and lifestyle...It still does not feel completely natural for me and being different requires some strong discipline on my part.  Some rigidity...a characteristic that I am really not comfortable with...in myself or others...for that matter!  

 Several months ago, I told you guys that Kerri Walsh had written to me about plateaus and  how plateaus provide the time needed for changes to become habits...a time to learn how to make these changes permanent. 

I am trying to re-frame my stuck feelings and consider this pace...the pace of the Journey I am on...as the "right" pace for today and accept it as the "right" pace for me.  That has been a challenge for me.  I have a difficult time not incorporating the onslaught of information available out there...T.V. shows, news articles, Internet stories, other everyday people in my daily life that have their own experiences and knowledge to share....I am trying to remember that though there are many other people out there doing the same thing I am doing...trying to lose weight, get healthy and grow as a person, the way in which I do it...the way in which I reach my goal will be uniquely mine.

Not to say that I will not have like experiences and things to learn from those who have gone before me...I just cannot get caught in the "right or wrong" trap...The part of me that tells me that I must be doing something incorrectly or otherwise I would be farther along in my weight loss!!!

So to try to tie this up for myself...to bring it to a point that summarizes what I am feeling today..I feel as if I could be doing this better...but am aware that I cannot let myself get caught in the trap that I am doing it wrong!  I have to pray for the acceptance of the fact that this will take as long as it takes...I, however, must keep moving forward.  Persistence has and will continue to pay off. 

I have to be willing to ask for help, to realize that any major life change takes a village...so to speak...and I am lousy when I isolate!  I must be open to God's plan and let go of the giant clock ticking in my head and TRUST...Trust God's timing. 

I have to keep my perspective...ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I have to be willing to rise above these challenges of Faith and Fortitude and know that I am truly capable of living life fully.

I have to remember that there is no Perfect path...there will be obstacles...

So one thing I have learned along the way...I have to tell the truth...I have to face the music and own up to the things that keep me from succeeding...the things that "weigh" me down.  I started this blog for accountability...I need to be held accountable.  I need the support and I need to tell my truth along this Journey.  I need to lighten my load! 

So here is a little something on the "lighter side"

Here are a few more pics from the hike on Monday!

 

 

 



 

I Believe I can Do MORE!

O.M.G.  My body may be on full scale strike!!!  OK...so I accomplished a pretty big task yesterday and I am feeling it!!!

This is what it feels like I look like!!!

But...I did it...I walked 8+ miles and lived to tell the story!!!  Lord knows...I love to tell stories!!!  I figure by the end of the week..this hike will have gone from an 8 mile hike to at least a 10 or 12 mile hike...by the end of the month...we are talking Everest!!! 

So today...I have made a lot of strange, crying, whimpering noises every time I get up from my desk...pitiful really...you would be sad if you could hear me.  But...I have decided that the only way to combat muscle stiffness and pain is by working out!!!  Keep em lose!  So...I am getting ready to leave the office and will be heading to the gym. 

If you live within 10 miles of the Cypress Creek YMCA..do not be alarmed if you hear blood curdling screams ripping through the sky...it is just me on the Evil Elliptical!!! 

 

 

Short post tonight...Gotta get to the gym...I am going to push through the pain...remembering that I completed an 8 mile walk yesterday...and remembering that I have committed to climb a giant sand dune in July! 

 

 

Every time I accomplish something new...I believe I can do more! 

 



The Fluffy Girl and 8 mile Road

Hello...I completed somewhat of a milestone today...and 8+ mile hike on a sandy, slightly hilly, tree root laden trail in the East Texas Piney Woods.

I was accompanied by the "youngsters", Kristen and Stephen.  Kristen was trying out her new 35lb backpack...for a future trip.

I was trying out my 229lb body on a trail that is more than double the distance of a 5K...the longest distance I have done since I started this Journey!!

I DID IT!   The Fluffy Girl is a hiking machine! My body may not forgive me...but I did it!  I truly enjoy being outdoors and the heavy tree canopy kept it generally cool...until the last few miles!  However...Lord save us...the last few miles were hot and my feet were screaming...my love of the outdoors began to dissapate quickly and my love for air conditioning, a cool shower and my couch began to race to the forefront of my mind!

But we made it...another physical task accomplished!  Now I AM HOSED!
I am attaching a few photos. A few of mine and a few from Stephen!

After that, I am crashing...I am thankful to God for this day...this adventure and another week to learn, grow and love!

A Fully Alive Life

Happy Sunday to all.  I hope this day has been filled with great love and many blessings.

I spent the morning in church...then the movies (Epic) and now I am into my time of contemplation and a workout!

Again, this time has become an important part of each week of this Journey.  It is a time to focus and consider God's plan for the week.

I am reading a book about being healthy emotionally and spiritually...in it, the author quotes Iraneous who said this (many centuries ago).

"The glory of God is a human being fully alive."

This really struck me when I read it.  I believe God has a specific purpose and plan for me to fulfill.  I believe that I am capable of living a "fully alive" life with the guidance and direction of God...I have to be willing to surrender to the plan.
I am not a good "surrenderer"...I have a tendency to fight when faced with the unknown...So there are times...when my ability to see God's plan is blurred and I just come out swinging...
So this contemplation time is my intentional effort to gain a clear view of God's plan...to be fully alive in my Journey.

That is my goal this week...to be fully alive...One Day at a Time.

Tomorrow will be a mini goal adventure of sorts...a long hike on a hot day!  Prayers please!

Stop, Drop and Snore

Hello!  It has been a day of rest for me...a day to give the ole body a break.

Since I am beginning the cleanse in about 7 days...I did something I have not really been doing so much...I had a "planned splurge"!

The Fluffy Girl rolled up on a PANCAKE!!!  YUM!

I have really tried to avoid splurging or rewarding myself with food...given my full realization that I am a food addict!  So it was really a splurge to cave to the craving...however...I did not go crazy...just a pancake...I even scraped all the butter off! LOL!

After breakfast out...Tone Tone and I did a little shopping and then headed home for a scheduled Couch Coma!  I crashed...for 4 hours!! 
After such a busy week...I needed to just Stop...Drop and Snore!

So now...Tone Tone and I are at the movies...We are about to enter The Final Frontier...Star Trek....here we come! 

Before I go, my friend Camille sent this to me today...I loved it and given my propensity to think I am terminally unique...this was the perfect plaque for me!  Thanks C!

Blessings today:

Controlled Splurges
An insanely comfortable couch
Occasional self awareness
3 day weekends

May God Bless all of you! 

The Cleanse Part Deaux

I MADE IT...Or at least sort of!!!  This has been one action packed week and I am some kind of whooped!!! 

BUT...I got through it without too much permanent damage ;)!  So this week has been rewarding, tiring, fun, exciting, busy, productive and now IT IS OVER!!!  Here is what it looked like:

1. Monday---Up early for a meeting,worked, Volleyball practice (last one of the season) complete with parents vs. kids game!!! 
2. Tuesday---Up early to workout, Emily's final band concert of her 6th grade year, dinner with friends!
3. Wednesday---Planning meeting for Play It Forward Event...LOVED IT...No workout...late night
4. Thursday---UP early, Last Volleyball game of the season, VB team party afterwards...Girls fought hard and did their best...I am proud of them.  Left work early...feeling sick...almost slept through VB game...But the Fluffy Girl overcame and a good time was had!
5. Friday...Work...Worked on benefit stuff at lunch...Dinner with a friend tonight...

New Week Begins...THREE DAY WEEKEND!!!

1. SATURDAY--Couch Coma!!!!
2. SUNDAY---MORE RELAXING-Workout, etc...
3. MONDAY-HOLIDAY...Hiking with the youngsters...Stephen and Kristen! 

Today was a weigh in...Still at 52lbs...but "The  Cleanse Part Deaux" starts June 1st!  I remember dreading it the first time around..or at least "worrying" about it and NOW...I am ready...Bring IT!!!  I am ready to kick start this weight loss again and I truly felt so much better after I completed it the first time around.  I continue to be baffled at why things are so slow...but I just keep repeating to myself...In God's Time.  I am still working hard...eating better than I ever have and my INSPIRATION is completely renewed!!!  So I am ready for the cleanse...I am even excited about it!!!

My trip to Cali in July, the event in August...Inspiration is all around!

My precious friend Stef gave me this after our planning meeting on Wed.

 

It is a devotional "holder"...So today, I read the devotional and this is what it said:

 

I will thank the Lord with all my heart as I meet with his godly people.  How amazing are the deeds of the Lord!  All who delight in him should ponder them. Psalm 111:1-2

 

On the back of the card it says this:

 

Have you ever thought about what an incredible gift God gives you through the people He places in your life?  He Blesses us with family, friends, neighbors and co-workers.  Each person brings unique insights to us.  He works through them to help us become the kind of person He wants us to be.  It's amazing to watch Him accomplish His will in our life as we talk, laugh, serve, and encourage each other.  And, it's exciting to see how He uses us in the lives of other people as we journey through life together. 

 

I think about this all the time...nothing could be truer for me and if I did not know before...I certainly know now what blessings the people in my life  bring to me on a daily basis! 

 

This was a perfect sentiment for me. 

 

So...I have work to do...I  have weight to lose, knowledge to gain, events to plan, a cleanse to complete, a heart to share and a faith to grow!!!

 

I am Blessed! 

 

Here a couple of other fun Blessings from this week:

 

My sweet pea playing her bass clarinet!!!



 

Emily's artistic rendering of our Volleyball Team...The Fierce Hornets...and please note that I have a "pony tail" in the drawing...SWEET!!!

 

Giving it a Good Try!!!

Hello!!!  So it is lunch time and I must post during this window of time as I have another super busy day and evening!! 

Tonight is my last night coaching as the spring volleyball season is ending!  I will miss the girls and know that I am going to need all the extra time I can get to work on the Play It Forward event. So I guess all good things must come to end...to make room for more good things!!!

So our meeting last night was energetic!!  Wow...picture this...10 women/girls...ranging in age from 12 to 70 years...a few of us being hormonally impaired, most of us having no problem expressing our opinions...5 Moms, 1 teen, 1 pre-teen, 2 "youngsters" ( 30 and 24) and One Fluffy Girl.  Of these women...I have known 3 of them for 30+  years, one for 18 years...one for 46 years (MOM)...I have known both kids since they were infants...and then there are my poor unsuspecting co-workers...now friends... that have been lured into this den of madness.  It was fun (for me)...charged, energetic, spirited conversation and we even made a few decisions! 

This event represents the culmination of 1 year of this Journey to transform my life..in many ways...many ways that I never imagined.  I want this event to be planned in the same spirit that I have taken this Journey...surrounded by people that represent the good in my life and that are willing to sit next to me on the "roller coaster"!  These women and kids actually represent the full scope of my time on this earth...from birth to today!  All ages represented!  Though each may not know this (they will now)...each of them probably knows or has seen a side of me that I have only shared with them...not because I planned it that way...but because God did! 

So it was a somewhat surreal feeling to sit at a table of people that know so much about me collectively...But what a better way to plan an event that was inspired by such a personal journey..an often private journey.
  It is a unique opportunity for me to walk through the moments of discomfort, challenges and life changing decisions with a group of people who, as a group, know me as a friend, daughter, co-worker, aunt, goofball, drama queen, fluffy girl and future not so fluffy girl!  They have seen me happy, sad, sick, energized, overwhelmed, elated, stressed, driven, lost and found...

They have known me as a kid, as an adult who acts like a kid, as a leader, as a follower...they have seen my flaws, my triumphs, my anger, my fear...

They have seen me graduate from high school, college..they have heard me sing, they have seen me fail, they have witnessed my successes...they have walked with me through loss and celebrated with me in my accomplishments...They have seen me at work and at play and they ALL have been an important part of this Journey! 

So I am thinking that this is one helluva planning committee!!! 

We may not know exactly what we are doing be we are going to give it our best...We are going to give a good try!!!

 

 

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.'  Proverbs 16:3, NIV

Light years away...Closer than I thought.

WOW!!!  What a day!  I have been non-stop today...You know what the really cool part is...I could NOT have done this one year ago.  One year ago...I was "living" in Donna's house because neither Mom nor I was well enough to be at home...we could not take care of ourselves or each other.

Today is light years from where I was one year ago...I have talked about milestones along this Journey...weight loss milestones, exercise milestones..etc...but I must again, acknowledge the tremendous difference in my overall health!

One year ago this month, I thought that there was a good chance that the rest of my life would be about just barely making it from one day to the next...surviving, hoping that I would feel better, hoping that I there was some sort of miracle that would lead me out of a tremendously dark time and into a lighter, happier, healthier place!  I spent hours at Dr.'s offices, hospitals, etc...not to mention money!!!!  I did not feel like there was any cure for my issues...I sort of felt like this cartoon!

 

But it was closer than I thought...It turns out...It was just one miracle away!  One magic burst of inspiration, one Olympic volleyball game, one decision, one conversation with God away from turning into a reality.  Oh...it is taking time...lots of time!  It is taking conviction, will power, PRAYER, support, tears, laughter...straight up hard work...but it is closer and closer everyday! 

 

It has been 13 months since I was hospitalized for a marathon migraine that lasted for more than 6 weeks and a headache that last for the better part of a year...It has been 13 months since my blood glucose levels were completely out of control and I was taking big doses of insulin...

 

It has been 12 months since I was rushed to the hospital (across a parking lot...lol) because I was having an anaphylactic reaction to one of the many medications I was taking to alleviate all of the other crap that was wrong with me.

 

ONE YEAR...without a visit to the ER, urgent care clinic...etc...is a MIRACLE. 

 

Tonight I sat at a table with 9 people who have taken care or supported me in some aspect over the past year.  For some...the last year was just one of many years of watching me struggle with illness!

 

Tonight...we met to plan a charity volleyball event...an event that will celebrate health, wellness, etc. 

 

 It will be an event where I will play volleyball and at the very minimum will be 50 lbs lighter and Light years away from where I was a year ago! 

 

Thank God!  Really...Thank God. 

Evict the Renters...Focus on the Landlord

Hi...As I sit to write this...I must confess that I am REALLY angry.  I am confessing that so that I do not take advantage of you as readers and just spew my anger all over these pages before I have actually taken the time to step back...pray...breathe...pray again and then write.  Instead...due to time constraints and the desire to let go of this and move on...I am writing at lunch and not waiting until later today to post. 

However, I did pray before I began typing!  The truth is...I am lousy at times of keeping other people's stuff out of my head.  The reason I am angry is work related and NOT important when I consider the larger Journey I am on and the fact that I most definitely know that "This too Shall Pass".

Instead...I have let this get into my brain and all of the self doubt that I battle with gets lit up like a firecracker!  So...here is another opportunity for me to gather myself, pray for strength, pray for perspective and do the following!

 

 

 

I am reading a book recommended by a friend.  It is called Emotionally Healthy Spiritually by Peter Scazzero.  Without getting into a full explanation about the book...for now, I am just going to quote something he said in the book...in context to his life as a Christian.  It applies to me as well...different circumstances...same problem.  If I am honest...this is something I do WAY too often. 

 

He says, "My life was lived more out of reaction to what other people did or might do or what they thought or might think about me."

 

He goes on to tie in the above statement contextually to his experience...However, I am taking it somewhat out of context and applying it to what I know about myself.  What I know is destructive and can cause stagnation for me in daily life, work life and relationships...and certainly to a weight loss journey...negative reactions, supposition, assumption and prognostication...all based on OTHER people's reality.  I have been known to let people rent space in my head...people's criticism, doubts, judgements...that  are not true for me.  However, instead of blaming it on other people...I must accept responsibility for my part in that behavior. 

 

 

If I can learn to keep my focus on my relationship to God...evict the renters and focus on the Landlord...many of the stresses in my life would greatly diminish.  I might even shed a few extra pounds if you consider that many "experts" believe that stress causes weight gain!!!

 

 

So there...nuff said about that today!

 

So...NEWSFLASH...I got up and worked out BEFORE work...I have not done that in a while and it was a good thing...Like I must keep saying...I have to stay focused on the prize...I have to maintain a healthy regimen...Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually!!!

 

Have a Blessed rest of the day!!!

 

 

 

 



Eat, Sleep, Work, Workout...

Well...I have survived the 1st day of a very busy week...I got to work WAY early, worked and then headed to the last practice of the volleyball season with my girls! 

I invited the parents to play the girls tonight in a friendly volleyball game...It was fun..the parents did a great job!!!! Now..we play our last game on Thursday!  I have again, enjoyed coaching and getting to make a few more sweet memories with my Emily.

After the volleyball practice, I was pretty clear that this Fluffy, 46-year old body was done for the night.  So Emily let me know that she thought I burned plenty of calories during our practice.  That is all I needed to hear! 

The rest of the week is incredibly full and as I said last week, it will be important that I maintain some reasonably healthy routine...sleep, eating right and making sure I get in my workouts!  I keep repeating these steps in my head...eat, sleep, work, workout...eat, sleep, work and workout...



The Good News...all of the things that I have going on this week...are more opportunities to see God working on this Journey and in my life!...I am pumped that we are meeting this week to begin the big work of planning and executing a charity event.  This is something I have envisioned  for some time!  So the fact that I have committed to hosting this event and that I have a group of people willing to take the plunge with me..is just one more blessing along this Journey!  Of course...I am nervous and want to make sure that I do both charities justice!!  Please keep this event and the planning/planners in your prayers!!!  We will need all the support we can get!


OF COURSE...I am still so excited at the possibility of meeting Kerri Walsh...I can promise you all will be fully sick of hearing me talk about it!!! But...I do not have any intentions of stopping..:)

I am pretty sure that Mom and I will be leaving for Cali July 5th!!! 

Speaking of Kerri Walsh...she posted the below on her FB page...I really love it and given some of my recent experiences along this Journey...It really fit for me to share with all of you!

 

I am learning that there are a lot of great lessons to be learned from my "broken bits"...the parts of me that are raw and vulnerable...are often the places where I learn the power of God's Love. 

 

Have a wonderful evening...

Staying Plugged In

Good Sunday to you...I do hope this day finds all of you enjoying your family, friends and some Peaceful moments to yourself.

I am making a point to get in my One On One time with God today...seeking guidance on how to turn over the management of what looks to be a very busy week, to God.  Looking for the courage and strength to follow His plan for this week.

I started my day in church.  It was a good service...good music, good company and a good message. But, something a little different happened.  Our Senior Pastor spoke first...the continuation of a year long series on The Essential Jesus.  After he finished his sermon of typical length, the youth pastor got up to deliver what he described as a "brief" message.  He commented immediately that he did not know that public speaking was really his thing...but....here goes.  I noticed as he began to speak...it became fairly clear that his definition of brief did not really match the congregation's general definition! 

Let the nervous squirming commence!! So funny to watch...grown humans wiggling like 3 year olds...At first, I felt nervous for him....I wanted to say...SAVE YOURSELF-DON'T RAMBLE! DON'T SAY "UM"...DON'T PAUSE TOO LONG....JUST DON'T!!

But something funny happened...I stopped "managing" and starting listening and guess what...I got something I needed to hear...eloquence, experience, evangelical wisdom...none of it mattered...the message was there for the taking. 

I am finding that this Journey is teaching me daily that Blessings, lessons, opportunities can and will come from any number of sources on any given day or any given  moment.  But, for me, there is only One Source of Power...a power that supplies those sources and provides those given days and given moments.

This young minister said the following (I am paraphrasing),

We get lost in the details...we spend our energy and our resources in the minutiae.
We lose contact with our power source...our source of strength.
He continues on to say that we have to make sure we stay connected and as a safety precaution...should make sure we have at least a couple of good "electricians" on our side!

Surrounding ourselves with good conduits of that power.

It did not take long on this journey for me to figure out...that I must stayed "plugged in" and that I must have good "electricians".

That is the key component to my Journey...my way to Fight to Light!

I ask you today for a few super charged prayers...as I find myself fighting hard against those things that keep me stuck and in the dark!

The Sand Dune Training Begins

Ahhhh...I am still smiling from yesterday!  What an amazing opportunity God has given me!  This entire Journey! Seriously...yesterday was just one more blessing...one more reason to be inspired!

So in case you have not heard, I have a chance to meet the amazing Kerri Walsh Jennings in July and if all goes well, I will be able to look her in the eye and tell her what an amazing inspiration she is and how grateful this old, fluffy girl is that she has such a kind, giving spirit!

I Can't Wait!!

So I have officially begun my "training" to climb the big sand dune!! I did some serious Evil Elliptical incline training today!! I added 3 sets of leg presses at 180lb...bicep curls...chest presses...I was a MACHINE!

Mom and I toured Willowbrook Sports Complex today...where we will be hosting Play It Forward in August...GREAT facility and again, another amazing blessing that the facility has been donated for our event!!!

I needed this big dose of inspiration...this reminder that God will continue to open doors, shine a light on my path and show me how I can grow in His love!

See you tomorrow!

Happy Friday

It has been a very exciting day in my Fluffy Girl world!
I started the day down another pound! 52 so far...68 to go! 

I got in to work early...traffic was not too bad!
I got a few supportive messages from friends...
I had on my favorite "skinny jeans" and settled in to what I had hoped would be a truly productive day!

Oh...but before I started my day...I sent my standard "tweet" to Kerri Walsh Jennings with my Friday weigh in AND I shared with her a mini-goal that I will doing in July!
You see, a few months ago...Kerri posted about a hill at Sand Dune park in Manhattan Beach, Cali.  She had a climbed this hill like 10x!  It is no small hill...I decided I wanted to give it a try as a part of my Journey!

So...I tweeted to Kerri my plan and she replied...I'M IN!
To which I replied...ARE YOU SERIOUS? Guess what? SHE IS SERIOUS!  Holy Toledo! I am going to meet Kerri Walsh! Are you kidding me!!

I have not stopped grinning!!!

This is yet another amazing blessing...I am dumfounded, excited, goofy excited...and inspired all over again!!

Happy Friday, People...HAPPY FRIDAY

Safely in my Heart

Today was super busy and the Fluffy Girl is TIRED!

But today was a good day in several different ways.  First, my Sweet Pea (Emily) made the Honor Roll!! I drove like a crazy woman to get to the awards presentation...I got there 3 people before she got her award...Phew!!
So very proud of her...I am fully involved in deep denial about how quickly she is growing up.  She fills my heart and I am beyond blessed to have her in my daily life!

After the awards ceremony, we went to dinner...several of us...Being around different people is rejuvenating!

After dinner, I walked 1.5 miles...not some fierce workout...but I stuck to my plan to get in a workout Mon-Thurs.  Last night I did a rowing machine/evil elliptical combo...that rowing machine is the devil!

Today I had an email conversation that really challenged me to think...in a good way.  It was a conversation that encouraged me to be a better me...to take another step along this Journey that encompasses my physical, spiritual and emotional health.
But there was something different about this conversation...it was personal, something that I know that I am suppose to actually live and not over analyze or overstate...which, as most of you know, is highly unusual for me! 

Some things are actually  best if lived...practiced and demonstrated in our daily lives...instead of quoted or written...explained.  For me, some things are best kept in my heart than displayed in a blog. 

Tomorrow is another weigh in and I feel nervous!  Just needed to say that out loud!

Today's blessings include a fabulous 12 year old...a great dinner conversation, a chance to move in a positive direction and a special conversation that though it is blog worthy...will be kept safely in my heart.

YES, YOU DO!!!

So...I am sitting at work today and I am working directly with my co-worker Kyle...He is 25 years old...so he is a youngster...However, all morning...every time I ask him a question he replies "Yes Mam"...REALLY...He never does that!!!  NOW...today...he is cranking out the "Yes Mams" left and right. 

I must be looking particularly "old" today...So I wanted to say...do I look like I am old enough for you to be calling me Mam...and then I realized...YES, YOU DO...You are old enough to be his mother!!!!  Gratefully, I had the presence of mind to ask myself that question before posing it to him...and possibly having to hear YES, YOU DO...from him!!!

So...I am may be looking a little matronly today...OR there could  be something wrong with him...That is probably it! 

So...I did interval training on the Evil Elliptical last night...worked out the fluffy arms and upper body!!!  I am losing inches...even my recently purchased "skinny jeans" are getting a little baggy!!!  However, I have decided to jump start things again going in to the latter days of this 1st year of this journey...I will be doing "The Cleanse" again in June...28 more days of detox!

Next week is INSANELY busy...Volleyball practice (Monday) and last game (Thursday), dinner with my friend Mary D., Committee meeting for Play It Forward-Rally to Serve event, workouts, work...So...I will need to remember to make eating healthy and resting a priority...and I think we all know that can be a challenge for me!!!  Please keep my sanity in your prayers!!! :)


Blessings for Today:

• Funny Dixie Cups
• The birth of my friend Lindsey...30 years ago today!
• The Power of prayer
• Footprints in the Sand
• Funny moments of Reality

I love music...it speaks to my heart and says what I cannot say at times...It reminds me that Angels sing on High!!!  Music reminds me that God is all around me...even when I don't "see" Him...I can hear His Voice.


Footprints in the Sand-Leona Lewis

D.W.D

Happy Tuesday to all...I hope today finds  you all Healthy and Happy. 

So...I am working on doing a few things differently this week as I said yesterday.  One of the things I am doing differently this week is RE-focusing on drinking more water...As I have discussed in this blog before...I have a Love/Hate relationship with WATER!

I LOVE to swim in it, boat on it,  sit by it in a lounge chair, watch and listen to it as its waves crash, fill balloons with it, water plants with it, watch it fall over the side of a mountain, get fish out of it, tube on it...BUT I DO NOT LIKE TO DRINK IT!!!

 

 

However, as I am sure you all know..there is no diet plan, nutritionist, human...that does not insist that drinking water is a key element in losing weight!  BLEEECK! 

BUT...I have long since given in to every one's insistence and have for the past 8 months, been drinking water...However, I might...just might....forget sometimes.  While I was doing the "cleanse"...I ONLY drank water and that was torture...at least in the world of a Fluffy Girl who once called Coca Cola---THE JUICE OF LIFE!

But...I have been slipping (instead of sipping) lately...not drinking much water...So...In an effort to continue the De-Fluffing of the Body and the Fluffing of the Attitude....I am willingly (as far as you know)...Drinking Water.  I will Drink Water Daily (D.W.D)....So there!

Blessings for Today:

1. Seeing Honesty pay off
2. Water :)
3. Funny Friends
4. The opportunity to do "life" differently
5. Having Friends on their own Journey

Please keep Donna's niece Randa in your prayers as she battles Cancer.  Please keep my friends that have recently lost loved ones in your prayers. 

Let Your Heart Be Light

It was a good Mother's Day weekend.  I got to celebrate Mother's Day WITH my Mom...I had several friends that were spending Mother's Day without their Mom's for the 1st time.  They were in my prayers and I know that all of them truly miss their Mom's.  I came across the below quote from Abraham Lincoln and thought I would share it.

So I am grateful.  I am working on my gratitude and my attitude!  I can become mired down in my own struggles and forget the good...I guess we all can...probably the difference for me lately is that I am writing about it EVERYDAY.  Despite my recent struggles with sharing on this level...being honest and "owning" what I am experiencing is not a bad thing.  The cool part continues to be the feedback I get...there is some serious wisdom coming my way.  I have to be grateful for that!!!  Normally, one has to pay a healthy sum for this level of expertise...:)

I did something fun yesterday...I sent personal text messages to many of my friends and family members to wish them Happy Mother's Day.  I have never done that before...I just felt compelled to acknowledge them...because I love them...because they are great Moms!  Because they mean something to me. 

So I have a few things I am going to make an effort to do differently this week. 

• I am going back to making a daily blessings list
• I am going to do something nice/thoughtful for someone daily
• I am going to pray for the strength to EMBRACE my daily journey-Look for ways to learn and grow.
• I am going to pray daily for the strength to trust God's plan
• I am going to pray daily for the strength to not let my history dictate my future. 
• I am going to do a different workout each day...some little variation to keep the fat burning! 

I have some work to do...physically, emotionally, spiritually...I also need to have some fun.  I can't be "weighed" down by my self-imposed deadlines, ideals and expectations.  This Journey is about finding the LIGHT...Lighten my load, Lighten my Heart, Shine a Light, Living in the Light...This Little Light of Mine...

The following was said to me in an email...specifically regarding my recent struggles.  This friend told me to hold my head up high.."and set about to conquer another day, focused on the things you have control over and you will accomplish so much!"

I believe that to be true...Despite my recently faith struggles...my doubts, my fears...despite all of that...I Believe that I am STILL on a Journey that has a bigger purpose.  I STILL believe that I have it within me to accomplish this task. 

Blessings for Today:

• Mom!
• Heart warming message from my College roommate...that reminds me that distance does not diminish the power of friendship.
• Message from Kerri Walsh...reminding me that people I don't even know are rooting for me...
• A friend willing to take the time to walk with me through an uncomfortable moment of unexpected self doubt and big ole fat fear!!!
• This song attached below.  Love it!  Give it a listen!!

I Believe-Chris August

A Mother's Day Card

So this post is dedicated to Mother's Day...particularly my Mother.  You see...I happen to have the Mother of all Mothers...If there was a super hero Mom...she would look like my Mom.  If a Mom ruled the world...It would be my Mom.  If there was an Academy Award for Best Mom in a Leading Role...My Mom would win.  She is the Meryl Streep of Mom's....The Mother Theresa of Motherhood. 

For those of you that do not know her...Let me tell you a few things! First, she endured 28 hours of labor to give birth to me...YEP...She became a single mom by the time I was 7... She raised me and at times, worked as many as 3 jobs to make sure I was taken care of and had all of the cool kid things I needed...including White Gloria Vanderbilt Jeans...man I rocked those jeans!!! 

She is FUNNY!!! Really funny...Not goofy, Mom funny...but quick, stand up comedian kinda funny. 
She threw amazing kid parties...Everything from a circus party in the garage when I was 4 or 5 to haunted house Halloween Parties and sleepless slumber parties. 

During my school years...she was the Cool Mom...Yep...I had the cool Mom! 

When I said I wanted to go to college...She said she would make it happen...She Did! 
When I needed a new car...I had one.
When I broke a bone, got cracked in the head with a softball, got sick...she took care of me.

When I hit a home run or struck out looking...She cheered me on!

When I graduated from College...She gave me a standing ovation.  She deserved one too! 

When I lose faith...she says Don't be a Ye (Oh Ye of little Faith)

When I got sick...she moved in with me...

We are really quite entertaining together...We sing songs...make up words...quote movie lines that no one else gets...We have funny nicknames for each other...We have traveled all over the United States and parts of Alabama...and even though you won't get that...she will!

She is a damn fine woman!!!  I could not be luckier.  Though I know some pretty awesome Moms and have the great honor of having some great friends and family members who rock as Moms...My Mom is The Queen...The Queen Mother!!!

So Happy Mother's Day my Sweet Tone Tone!!! I love  you!

Laugh at the Confusion

My life for the past few weeks has been saturated with a ton of emotions.  I am acutely aware that I have not exactly been Little Miss Sunshine.

I am really trying to be honest and work through the clouds in hopes that some of this stuff makes a little sense.  But today...Today I cannot think about it.  Whatever unresolved feelings, unconquered challenges or unanswered questions are out there are going to need to get in line and wait. 

I found this little quote and of course, am including it here.

 

 

My favorite line is "Laugh at the Confusion"...I think I will!

 

So...today was part of our Mother's Day celebration...My Tone Tone and I shopped, had lunch out...Shopped more...had dinner and now we are home..both tired and both ready to chill. 

 

I am going to trust that All the pieces will fall into place and I know that everything happens for  reason. 

 

All I ask of you is to keep this Journey and my old fluffy self in your prayers...You can even laugh at my confusion too!  Might as well...

Rinse and Repeat

So today was another weigh in...I have actually lost count on which one...but regardless, I did not lose or gain this week. 

BUT I will continue to Forge on!!!

So in the midst of these last couple of  unsettling weeks, I really am aware that I continue to be surrounded by people who take the time to share with me their stories, their experience, their strength and their hope. 

I have had a couple of people send me links to other blogs (written by women) that express some of the same struggles I have been having and I have had no shortage of friends and family members that have let me know that they too, have struggles with self doubt, guilt, shame...confidence issues!  Truly, the fact that anyone takes the time to acknowledge, support and encourage me along this daily journey..is amazing.

I have made a few mistakes this week, I have struggled with faith, I have had a few regrettable conversations and I have made a few apologies.  I  have proven that I am an ordinary fluffy girl navigating what is seemingly, a tough battle against all of the things that make me fat, sick and tired. 

For every battle I fight along this road..I am learning.  I really am!  I am having to practice patience and kindness with myself.  I am having to forgive myself for my own actions on a daily basis.  I for the first time, have had some serious regrets about what I write here in this blog.  Sure..I have had some risk remorse along the way...but not really any regrettable moments.  I have taken each day of this Journey and tried to make sense of it and hope that it translates in a way that really speaks to the experience I am having along the way.  Yes...I write this for myself and I also write these thoughts down in hopes that I offer some kind of hope to others who may be experiencing the same kinds of things. 
So, this week...I don't know what was different...but I thought to myself...maybe I could just go back and delete a few of these posts...I am betting no one would even notice.  I have wanted to do that with a few conversations as well.  I am finding that I need to forgive myself this week for not being eloquent and wise...for not having comfortable words and for having emotional reactions to situations that quite frankly did not make any sense.  I said a few days  ago that I said out loud..."What the Hell is going on with me???"  That was probably the most earnest,  honest thing I have said all week.

I truly continue to "wing it"...I am proud of one thing though...I have this deep desire to continue...I don't want to give up...I don't want to quit and if that means that I trip over a few obstacles and fall flat on my big, fluffy butt...so be it. 

Sometimes my head says...you are off your goal...you are not working as hard as you could...you are an emotional mess...But God has provided a recharge to my will and my heart says...SO WHAT...Before...I had no goal, I was not working at all and I was still an emotional mess AND I was 51 lbs heavier. 

So despite my really slow weight loss...my waning sanity and my penchant for the dramatic...I will continue this Journey.  I will count my blessings, prayerfully seek God's wisdom, reach out to those around me, share my heart and probably trip and bust my butt from time to time.  Knowing how I learn and my track record... I will probably have to "Rinse and Repeat" so to speak!!!

So before I go...last night I went out with the Youngsters...Sadly, my co-worker, friend and amazing cheerleader, Lindsey left the company and will be starting a new job. So we all went out to celebrate her new opportunity and wish her well.   First let me say, the new job is an amazing opportunity and I know she will succeed well beyond any expectations!  Secondly, she has been an incredible gift and has been so wonderfully supportive of this old, fluffy girl.  Though I know I will not be seeing her everyday...I told her not to worry...she has a permanent place in my heart. 

So...we celebrated well last night...these Youngsters definitely keep me young!  So...I got home REALLY late...too late...and as I got home and entered the garage...this sign was neatly taped to the door entering the apartment...

Yep...My Tone Tone... made a lovely Faith Flash Card for me to see as I entered our home...She is something else!!! Hilarious, Kind, Thoughtful, Faithful...you name it!  You gotta love her!!!!

Have a great Friday Evening...I will be coaching some serious, church league volleyball tonight!!!

Love to you all,

Jaime

Sweat instead of Tears

Reader Beware...I am a bit of a feisty fluffy girl today...some might actually say a bit angry..but...Have no fear...I am really praying about my attitude and am NOT eating in lieu of my crazy emotions...so I got that going for me!!! 


So here is what life feels like....

This, by the way, is one of my worst nightmares...really...I have had a nightmare that I was stuck upside down on a roller coaster...scary stuff!!! 

So I am feeling a bit upside down...and the ONLY thing I like that is upside down is this....

Pineapple Upside Down Cake...which I cannot have...so...ain't happenin'

So as you frequent readers know...I am prone to discussing my feelings here...as they generally pertain to changing my life...believe it or not...I do not share them ALL..and strangely...despite my new found desire to reveal my guts here...I still have difficulty sharing my "feelings" one on one...I have a few close friends/family members that have the dubious honor of hearing my "guts" with any regularity.  Bless their hearts...So as this Journey has progressed...I have become aware that it feels like I need to expand that circle...or at least I think I do...however, some of my first efforts to do so have been a bit of mess...and I am left feeling like a moron for doing so...thus the regrets I spoke of yesterday...So being the emotional wingnut that I am...I spent yesterday wallowing...and CRYING...off and on ALL day...Please here me say...I DO NOT CRY MUCH and certainly do not cry in public places with any regularity.  So...

At one point I literally said out loud...What in the hell is wrong with me???  Part of me thinks that a portion of my weight loss has included losing my coping skills... or quite possibly I may have lost my MIND. So this only reinforced my moronic feelings...HELLOOOOOO!!!  GET IT TOGETHER!!!!

So...I did something that I have not been able to do in quite some time...I went to the gym and I busted my own butt....I did 4+ miles on the Evil Elliptical in less than 45 minutes...I burned over 400 calories and I did 3 sets of 10...180lb...leg presses!!!  I worked the "moron" OUT!!!  Sweat instead of Tears!!! It felt fantastic! 

SO today...today...I am thinking Awww Hell....who cares!  I have been letting it all hang out for the past 8 months and it is not over yet...I may need to get over myself and just chalk yesterday up to experience and move on!  I will say this...in the midst of me feeling like a moron for sharing these guts of mine...I get this message! 

Jaime, I had to go back & read yesterday's post to get the full understanding of today's post (Unfortunately, I don't always have the time for FB. Imagine that--I AM retired! Right?) You said from the beginning of your journey that you would be straight forward & honest!! I love & appreciate that! I, too, struggle with self doubt and guilt--daily! I just believe that is one thing that Satan uses to try to get the best of me, if I let him! You have so many people lifting you up in prayer!! "If God is for me, who can be against me!!" Keep on keepin' on! Love!!


Again...I am reminded that I am not terminally unique...that I have other peoples problems and I am reminded that other people's problems are all equally as important as mine.

I was sitting this morning literally itemizing all the things about yesterday that sucked...I was in a place of analyzing my words..my thoughts...I threw down my soap box about that fact that someone insinuated to me that there life was somehow was busier, more complicated than mine...MAN...I made a list in my head of all the things I do daily...the responsibilities I have...the problems....I WAS ON A ROLL...then I came across the below...

I REALLY encourage you to take a few minutes and watch the below...


Clouds


Zach's Story


For me...this was a moment of WOW...Who am I to complain.  Here is my reality...All of us experience trials and many times when I am in the middle of what feels like a big deal...I lose perspective.  Though this Journey I am on is important...Today, the above videos provided me with some needed perspective.  Again...Life is Precious...

I shared these videos on every social media outlet, email, etc...that I am part of...and I am sharing it here.  After sending it...my Cousin Barbara wrote the following.

So, no guarantees in this life. Make the most of what God has provided for us. Appreciate and love one another and tell our loved ones we love them…and often.

Amen! 

Alligator Mouth...Tadpole Butt

So this morning I wake up and my Mom says the following..."I read your blog post last night...about self-doubt...Don't do that..."  I truly LOL'd!  She is hilarious!  Simple as that...Don't do that!

 But she further said...less funny...but more important...doubting myself is like doubting that Jesus is right there holding my hand through this Journey (my interpretation of her words). 

True!  So very true.  So it all comes back to Faith...which is why I have the need for Faith flash cards...and why I wear a reminder bracelet. 

Again, let me say this Journey  is HARD...I was thinking the other day...it might have been easier being fluffy, funny and eating whatever I wanted...Fat and Sassy!!!  I know...I know...it is certainly not the best option...but truthfully, it was easier maintaining bad habits...eating my feelings instead of having them. 

But...I know this Journey will pay off...I just need to keep saying that to myself  I just need to get through the awkward, uncomfortable moments and focus on the positive. 

Again...I must reiterate that this undertaking should have come with a warning label...It would have been helpful...just sayin'! 

So as I write this...I have a phrase floating through my mind...it is not a particularly dainty phrase...but I have heard it all my life...I am choosing to clean it up a bit.  "Don't let you alligator mouth overload your tadpole butt"...LOL!!! 

I have a big mouth...AND I don't always think before I speak or write...or maybe I think too much, I don't know...regardless, it might behoove me to NOT say some things or share some thoughts at times.  I can be overly exuberant or overly feisty and say things that though they may be true for me, probably should stay with me!! 

Suffice it to say...I have had a few of those moments of the past several months...that you might say I am regretting today.  But to quote a line from one of my favorite movies of all time...You can't take it back...It is already out there!!!  So here is my bottom line... regrets suck and they are a waste of time...So though regrets sometimes do cloud my mind...I found a few quotes (other people's words) that I decided to share...

 “Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.”~ John Wooden

"If I'm sincere today, what does it matter if I regret it tomorrow?” ~Jose Saramago

"Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost that is born of the heart" ~Basil Rathbone

So I am posting what has become a kind of theme song for me...I needed to hear it today.  For those that don't know...this song was written about the lead singer's weight loss Journey....I think the depth of the lyrics proves that a weight loss journey should be labeled with a Warning that says...God is not done with you yet!!!

Redeemed-Big Daddy Weave

I can ONLY Change Me...with God's Help!

The Fluffy girl is REALLY tired...but am trying to stayed focused at work, at work outs and make sure that when I do get home...that I get as much rest as possible. 

I am finding myself a little sad today...not something I say a lot...stressed...yes, grouchy...yep...wired...absolutely...weepy...strangely...yes as well.  But not really a person that gets really sad..However, I think with the recent losses, illnesses, etc..of close friends and their family members..I am just a bit sad today. 

Also, today I am battling with self doubt.  Self-doubt for me is a sneaky little feeling that has a tendency to get bigger and bigger until it permeates everything I am doing (if I am not careful).  I really work on self doubt.  Again, this is one of those uncomfortable admissions that seems to somehow be a necessary part of this Journey...much to my personal dismay. 

But I have...for as long as I can remember...been a person that doubts myself..even in those moments where I am generally confident, there is a voice in my head saying..."Are you sure about that??". 

So as I work on losing this weight and changing so many facets of my life...I am confronted with self doubt.  I have talked about it before and trust me, it will come up again.  But I find myself wondering things like...am I working out enough or correctly? Am I eating the right foods...enough or too  much?  Am I really doing all that I can do?...I call it the squirrel cage! 

My biggest problem with self doubt is letting it get bigger than reality!  I am an absolute genius at worrying about things that have not really happened yet...creating an issue when there is not one...making a mountain out of a mole hill...

If there were awards for that...I would clean up!!! 

But I must say...I really am working on my self doubt more as a part of this Journey than I ever have...I have daily conversations with God and am owning up to it here and directly with people in my life.  IT is SOOOO uncomfortable..but I really believe that meeting the issue head on...BOLDLY and tackling the doubt...well...I choose to believe that I can conquer that along with the weight,  healthy eating and exercise doubts!!!!  So I found this quote today...I sent it to a couple of friends...along with the question...Who the hell is Publilious Syrus? 

In doubtful matters boldness is everything.
Publilius Syrus

A friend answered my question and here is who Publilius is...

Publilius Syrus

Writer

Publilius Syrus, a Latin writer of mimes (maxims), flourished in the 1st century BC. He was a native of Assyria (Northern Iraq) and Assyrian by race, he was brought as a slave to Italy, but by his wit and talent he won the favour of his master, who freed and educated him.

 

He was credited with the old proverb...A rolling stone gathers no moss...

 

So there you go...NOW my question is...what the hell is a maxim??? 

 

 

So...before I go...I recently posted the Serenity Prayer...My friend Mary C. sent me this version and I so LOVED it that I thought I would share...It really speaks volumes to me...I cannot change others...I can ONLY change me...and I can ONLY do that with God's help!!!