Using Every Minute of This Second Chance

This day, as is true for countless others, is forever ingrained in my brain.

 This day marks one of those moments when we remember exactly where we were and how we felt when we found out about the tragic events unfolding in our country. 

There was so much going "wrong" in my life on September 11, 2001...and yet, when my Mom woke me to tell me what was happening in NYC...it all seemed insignificant...pointless.  The bad part for me is that life was already feeling a little insignificant and pointless before I woke up that morning.

I was very ill... rarely left my apartment and ultimately, was less than 8 weeks away from a major surgery and lengthy recovery. I had allowed myself to be overwhelmed by the cards I was holding...not really wanting to play my hand or fold...but feeling quite lost. 

For those of you that know me well...you know that I am an absolute news junkie...with a degree in journalism and a lifelong love of news...I was completely engrossed in the coverage of  9/11.

So that morning...I became obsessed...watching every single minute of the T.V. news (for weeks)...trying in some way to make the events of the day make some sort of sense. 

It was so tragic...so unbelievable...so devastating and I was not even there...did not know anyone that perished...but it felt so personal.  I was an emotional and physical wreck before that morning...before I began to try to absorb this unthinkable tragedy.

Life was hard...I was 34 years old with the physical health of someone much older.  I was not working because of my poor health and I was miserable.  

On that day...I received some painful perspective on life. 

I think of that day often.  I think of how much life has changed since then...how in the midst of such pain...people rose up...joined together and vowed to Never Forget those that gave so much on that day.

At the time...I remember having the thought that though my life might feel tragic...it was no tragedy...it did not have to be pointless and on some level I knew...It was going to be up to me to change the trajectory.

I had no idea how to do that! NONE.  It would take years to begin to figure that out.

So here I am, 13 years later...still very cognizant of the importance of that day...the importance of remembering the events that lead to lost lives, damaged families and a whole world of painful experiences.

However, I am also very aware of how important it is to remember the Unity, the Resiliency and the Faith that was displayed on that day and since that day.

For me... I am figuring it out...how to change the trajectory of my life...how to make a point of living life fully...and I am, though this may sound really odd, grateful for the perspective I gained on that day.

 It has taken some time for that perspective to permeate all the layers of my life...but as I write this...I am grateful to God for the chance.

Though I will never forget the importance of this day...No looking back...only moving forward...using every minute of this Second Chance I have received.