D.W.D

Happy Tuesday to all...I hope today finds  you all Healthy and Happy. 

So...I am working on doing a few things differently this week as I said yesterday.  One of the things I am doing differently this week is RE-focusing on drinking more water...As I have discussed in this blog before...I have a Love/Hate relationship with WATER!

I LOVE to swim in it, boat on it,  sit by it in a lounge chair, watch and listen to it as its waves crash, fill balloons with it, water plants with it, watch it fall over the side of a mountain, get fish out of it, tube on it...BUT I DO NOT LIKE TO DRINK IT!!!

 

 

However, as I am sure you all know..there is no diet plan, nutritionist, human...that does not insist that drinking water is a key element in losing weight!  BLEEECK! 

BUT...I have long since given in to every one's insistence and have for the past 8 months, been drinking water...However, I might...just might....forget sometimes.  While I was doing the "cleanse"...I ONLY drank water and that was torture...at least in the world of a Fluffy Girl who once called Coca Cola---THE JUICE OF LIFE!

But...I have been slipping (instead of sipping) lately...not drinking much water...So...In an effort to continue the De-Fluffing of the Body and the Fluffing of the Attitude....I am willingly (as far as you know)...Drinking Water.  I will Drink Water Daily (D.W.D)....So there!

Blessings for Today:

1. Seeing Honesty pay off
2. Water :)
3. Funny Friends
4. The opportunity to do "life" differently
5. Having Friends on their own Journey

Please keep Donna's niece Randa in your prayers as she battles Cancer.  Please keep my friends that have recently lost loved ones in your prayers. 

Let Your Heart Be Light

It was a good Mother's Day weekend.  I got to celebrate Mother's Day WITH my Mom...I had several friends that were spending Mother's Day without their Mom's for the 1st time.  They were in my prayers and I know that all of them truly miss their Mom's.  I came across the below quote from Abraham Lincoln and thought I would share it.

So I am grateful.  I am working on my gratitude and my attitude!  I can become mired down in my own struggles and forget the good...I guess we all can...probably the difference for me lately is that I am writing about it EVERYDAY.  Despite my recent struggles with sharing on this level...being honest and "owning" what I am experiencing is not a bad thing.  The cool part continues to be the feedback I get...there is some serious wisdom coming my way.  I have to be grateful for that!!!  Normally, one has to pay a healthy sum for this level of expertise...:)

I did something fun yesterday...I sent personal text messages to many of my friends and family members to wish them Happy Mother's Day.  I have never done that before...I just felt compelled to acknowledge them...because I love them...because they are great Moms!  Because they mean something to me. 

So I have a few things I am going to make an effort to do differently this week. 

• I am going back to making a daily blessings list
• I am going to do something nice/thoughtful for someone daily
• I am going to pray for the strength to EMBRACE my daily journey-Look for ways to learn and grow.
• I am going to pray daily for the strength to trust God's plan
• I am going to pray daily for the strength to not let my history dictate my future. 
• I am going to do a different workout each day...some little variation to keep the fat burning! 

I have some work to do...physically, emotionally, spiritually...I also need to have some fun.  I can't be "weighed" down by my self-imposed deadlines, ideals and expectations.  This Journey is about finding the LIGHT...Lighten my load, Lighten my Heart, Shine a Light, Living in the Light...This Little Light of Mine...

The following was said to me in an email...specifically regarding my recent struggles.  This friend told me to hold my head up high.."and set about to conquer another day, focused on the things you have control over and you will accomplish so much!"

I believe that to be true...Despite my recently faith struggles...my doubts, my fears...despite all of that...I Believe that I am STILL on a Journey that has a bigger purpose.  I STILL believe that I have it within me to accomplish this task. 

Blessings for Today:

• Mom!
• Heart warming message from my College roommate...that reminds me that distance does not diminish the power of friendship.
• Message from Kerri Walsh...reminding me that people I don't even know are rooting for me...
• A friend willing to take the time to walk with me through an uncomfortable moment of unexpected self doubt and big ole fat fear!!!
• This song attached below.  Love it!  Give it a listen!!

I Believe-Chris August

A Mother's Day Card

So this post is dedicated to Mother's Day...particularly my Mother.  You see...I happen to have the Mother of all Mothers...If there was a super hero Mom...she would look like my Mom.  If a Mom ruled the world...It would be my Mom.  If there was an Academy Award for Best Mom in a Leading Role...My Mom would win.  She is the Meryl Streep of Mom's....The Mother Theresa of Motherhood. 

For those of you that do not know her...Let me tell you a few things! First, she endured 28 hours of labor to give birth to me...YEP...She became a single mom by the time I was 7... She raised me and at times, worked as many as 3 jobs to make sure I was taken care of and had all of the cool kid things I needed...including White Gloria Vanderbilt Jeans...man I rocked those jeans!!! 

She is FUNNY!!! Really funny...Not goofy, Mom funny...but quick, stand up comedian kinda funny. 
She threw amazing kid parties...Everything from a circus party in the garage when I was 4 or 5 to haunted house Halloween Parties and sleepless slumber parties. 

During my school years...she was the Cool Mom...Yep...I had the cool Mom! 

When I said I wanted to go to college...She said she would make it happen...She Did! 
When I needed a new car...I had one.
When I broke a bone, got cracked in the head with a softball, got sick...she took care of me.

When I hit a home run or struck out looking...She cheered me on!

When I graduated from College...She gave me a standing ovation.  She deserved one too! 

When I lose faith...she says Don't be a Ye (Oh Ye of little Faith)

When I got sick...she moved in with me...

We are really quite entertaining together...We sing songs...make up words...quote movie lines that no one else gets...We have funny nicknames for each other...We have traveled all over the United States and parts of Alabama...and even though you won't get that...she will!

She is a damn fine woman!!!  I could not be luckier.  Though I know some pretty awesome Moms and have the great honor of having some great friends and family members who rock as Moms...My Mom is The Queen...The Queen Mother!!!

So Happy Mother's Day my Sweet Tone Tone!!! I love  you!

Laugh at the Confusion

My life for the past few weeks has been saturated with a ton of emotions.  I am acutely aware that I have not exactly been Little Miss Sunshine.

I am really trying to be honest and work through the clouds in hopes that some of this stuff makes a little sense.  But today...Today I cannot think about it.  Whatever unresolved feelings, unconquered challenges or unanswered questions are out there are going to need to get in line and wait. 

I found this little quote and of course, am including it here.

 

 

My favorite line is "Laugh at the Confusion"...I think I will!

 

So...today was part of our Mother's Day celebration...My Tone Tone and I shopped, had lunch out...Shopped more...had dinner and now we are home..both tired and both ready to chill. 

 

I am going to trust that All the pieces will fall into place and I know that everything happens for  reason. 

 

All I ask of you is to keep this Journey and my old fluffy self in your prayers...You can even laugh at my confusion too!  Might as well...

Rinse and Repeat

So today was another weigh in...I have actually lost count on which one...but regardless, I did not lose or gain this week. 

BUT I will continue to Forge on!!!

So in the midst of these last couple of  unsettling weeks, I really am aware that I continue to be surrounded by people who take the time to share with me their stories, their experience, their strength and their hope. 

I have had a couple of people send me links to other blogs (written by women) that express some of the same struggles I have been having and I have had no shortage of friends and family members that have let me know that they too, have struggles with self doubt, guilt, shame...confidence issues!  Truly, the fact that anyone takes the time to acknowledge, support and encourage me along this daily journey..is amazing.

I have made a few mistakes this week, I have struggled with faith, I have had a few regrettable conversations and I have made a few apologies.  I  have proven that I am an ordinary fluffy girl navigating what is seemingly, a tough battle against all of the things that make me fat, sick and tired. 

For every battle I fight along this road..I am learning.  I really am!  I am having to practice patience and kindness with myself.  I am having to forgive myself for my own actions on a daily basis.  I for the first time, have had some serious regrets about what I write here in this blog.  Sure..I have had some risk remorse along the way...but not really any regrettable moments.  I have taken each day of this Journey and tried to make sense of it and hope that it translates in a way that really speaks to the experience I am having along the way.  Yes...I write this for myself and I also write these thoughts down in hopes that I offer some kind of hope to others who may be experiencing the same kinds of things. 
So, this week...I don't know what was different...but I thought to myself...maybe I could just go back and delete a few of these posts...I am betting no one would even notice.  I have wanted to do that with a few conversations as well.  I am finding that I need to forgive myself this week for not being eloquent and wise...for not having comfortable words and for having emotional reactions to situations that quite frankly did not make any sense.  I said a few days  ago that I said out loud..."What the Hell is going on with me???"  That was probably the most earnest,  honest thing I have said all week.

I truly continue to "wing it"...I am proud of one thing though...I have this deep desire to continue...I don't want to give up...I don't want to quit and if that means that I trip over a few obstacles and fall flat on my big, fluffy butt...so be it. 

Sometimes my head says...you are off your goal...you are not working as hard as you could...you are an emotional mess...But God has provided a recharge to my will and my heart says...SO WHAT...Before...I had no goal, I was not working at all and I was still an emotional mess AND I was 51 lbs heavier. 

So despite my really slow weight loss...my waning sanity and my penchant for the dramatic...I will continue this Journey.  I will count my blessings, prayerfully seek God's wisdom, reach out to those around me, share my heart and probably trip and bust my butt from time to time.  Knowing how I learn and my track record... I will probably have to "Rinse and Repeat" so to speak!!!

So before I go...last night I went out with the Youngsters...Sadly, my co-worker, friend and amazing cheerleader, Lindsey left the company and will be starting a new job. So we all went out to celebrate her new opportunity and wish her well.   First let me say, the new job is an amazing opportunity and I know she will succeed well beyond any expectations!  Secondly, she has been an incredible gift and has been so wonderfully supportive of this old, fluffy girl.  Though I know I will not be seeing her everyday...I told her not to worry...she has a permanent place in my heart. 

So...we celebrated well last night...these Youngsters definitely keep me young!  So...I got home REALLY late...too late...and as I got home and entered the garage...this sign was neatly taped to the door entering the apartment...

Yep...My Tone Tone... made a lovely Faith Flash Card for me to see as I entered our home...She is something else!!! Hilarious, Kind, Thoughtful, Faithful...you name it!  You gotta love her!!!!

Have a great Friday Evening...I will be coaching some serious, church league volleyball tonight!!!

Love to you all,

Jaime

Sweat instead of Tears

Reader Beware...I am a bit of a feisty fluffy girl today...some might actually say a bit angry..but...Have no fear...I am really praying about my attitude and am NOT eating in lieu of my crazy emotions...so I got that going for me!!! 


So here is what life feels like....

This, by the way, is one of my worst nightmares...really...I have had a nightmare that I was stuck upside down on a roller coaster...scary stuff!!! 

So I am feeling a bit upside down...and the ONLY thing I like that is upside down is this....

Pineapple Upside Down Cake...which I cannot have...so...ain't happenin'

So as you frequent readers know...I am prone to discussing my feelings here...as they generally pertain to changing my life...believe it or not...I do not share them ALL..and strangely...despite my new found desire to reveal my guts here...I still have difficulty sharing my "feelings" one on one...I have a few close friends/family members that have the dubious honor of hearing my "guts" with any regularity.  Bless their hearts...So as this Journey has progressed...I have become aware that it feels like I need to expand that circle...or at least I think I do...however, some of my first efforts to do so have been a bit of mess...and I am left feeling like a moron for doing so...thus the regrets I spoke of yesterday...So being the emotional wingnut that I am...I spent yesterday wallowing...and CRYING...off and on ALL day...Please here me say...I DO NOT CRY MUCH and certainly do not cry in public places with any regularity.  So...

At one point I literally said out loud...What in the hell is wrong with me???  Part of me thinks that a portion of my weight loss has included losing my coping skills... or quite possibly I may have lost my MIND. So this only reinforced my moronic feelings...HELLOOOOOO!!!  GET IT TOGETHER!!!!

So...I did something that I have not been able to do in quite some time...I went to the gym and I busted my own butt....I did 4+ miles on the Evil Elliptical in less than 45 minutes...I burned over 400 calories and I did 3 sets of 10...180lb...leg presses!!!  I worked the "moron" OUT!!!  Sweat instead of Tears!!! It felt fantastic! 

SO today...today...I am thinking Awww Hell....who cares!  I have been letting it all hang out for the past 8 months and it is not over yet...I may need to get over myself and just chalk yesterday up to experience and move on!  I will say this...in the midst of me feeling like a moron for sharing these guts of mine...I get this message! 

Jaime, I had to go back & read yesterday's post to get the full understanding of today's post (Unfortunately, I don't always have the time for FB. Imagine that--I AM retired! Right?) You said from the beginning of your journey that you would be straight forward & honest!! I love & appreciate that! I, too, struggle with self doubt and guilt--daily! I just believe that is one thing that Satan uses to try to get the best of me, if I let him! You have so many people lifting you up in prayer!! "If God is for me, who can be against me!!" Keep on keepin' on! Love!!


Again...I am reminded that I am not terminally unique...that I have other peoples problems and I am reminded that other people's problems are all equally as important as mine.

I was sitting this morning literally itemizing all the things about yesterday that sucked...I was in a place of analyzing my words..my thoughts...I threw down my soap box about that fact that someone insinuated to me that there life was somehow was busier, more complicated than mine...MAN...I made a list in my head of all the things I do daily...the responsibilities I have...the problems....I WAS ON A ROLL...then I came across the below...

I REALLY encourage you to take a few minutes and watch the below...


Clouds


Zach's Story


For me...this was a moment of WOW...Who am I to complain.  Here is my reality...All of us experience trials and many times when I am in the middle of what feels like a big deal...I lose perspective.  Though this Journey I am on is important...Today, the above videos provided me with some needed perspective.  Again...Life is Precious...

I shared these videos on every social media outlet, email, etc...that I am part of...and I am sharing it here.  After sending it...my Cousin Barbara wrote the following.

So, no guarantees in this life. Make the most of what God has provided for us. Appreciate and love one another and tell our loved ones we love them…and often.

Amen! 

Alligator Mouth...Tadpole Butt

So this morning I wake up and my Mom says the following..."I read your blog post last night...about self-doubt...Don't do that..."  I truly LOL'd!  She is hilarious!  Simple as that...Don't do that!

 But she further said...less funny...but more important...doubting myself is like doubting that Jesus is right there holding my hand through this Journey (my interpretation of her words). 

True!  So very true.  So it all comes back to Faith...which is why I have the need for Faith flash cards...and why I wear a reminder bracelet. 

Again, let me say this Journey  is HARD...I was thinking the other day...it might have been easier being fluffy, funny and eating whatever I wanted...Fat and Sassy!!!  I know...I know...it is certainly not the best option...but truthfully, it was easier maintaining bad habits...eating my feelings instead of having them. 

But...I know this Journey will pay off...I just need to keep saying that to myself  I just need to get through the awkward, uncomfortable moments and focus on the positive. 

Again...I must reiterate that this undertaking should have come with a warning label...It would have been helpful...just sayin'! 

So as I write this...I have a phrase floating through my mind...it is not a particularly dainty phrase...but I have heard it all my life...I am choosing to clean it up a bit.  "Don't let you alligator mouth overload your tadpole butt"...LOL!!! 

I have a big mouth...AND I don't always think before I speak or write...or maybe I think too much, I don't know...regardless, it might behoove me to NOT say some things or share some thoughts at times.  I can be overly exuberant or overly feisty and say things that though they may be true for me, probably should stay with me!! 

Suffice it to say...I have had a few of those moments of the past several months...that you might say I am regretting today.  But to quote a line from one of my favorite movies of all time...You can't take it back...It is already out there!!!  So here is my bottom line... regrets suck and they are a waste of time...So though regrets sometimes do cloud my mind...I found a few quotes (other people's words) that I decided to share...

 “Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.”~ John Wooden

"If I'm sincere today, what does it matter if I regret it tomorrow?” ~Jose Saramago

"Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost that is born of the heart" ~Basil Rathbone

So I am posting what has become a kind of theme song for me...I needed to hear it today.  For those that don't know...this song was written about the lead singer's weight loss Journey....I think the depth of the lyrics proves that a weight loss journey should be labeled with a Warning that says...God is not done with you yet!!!

Redeemed-Big Daddy Weave