Open to Receive

Accepting all prayers...words of encouragement....pearls of wisdom...epiphanies....lightning bolts...burning bushes...whatever you have to share...I am open to receive!

The Fluffy girl is a little under the weather and overly challenged in this whole weight loss thing today!!

So....on days like today...I like to just open up my mind...heart....eyes...ears...whatever it takes...to the Grace...Wisdom...Knowledge...L.O.V.E.

All the good that God gives me daily...

Tonight... I am just feeling fluffy...frustrated...and fearful!

Looking for a little fearlessness...a little fortitude and a whole lotta Faith!

Tomorrow IS another Day! ANOTHER chance to be better than I was today!

So if you have any inspiration to share...Inspire Away!!!

Goodnight and God Bless!

Accentuate The Positive-A Fluffy Girl and her Feelings

"Eat only when your hungry"...."Stop when you are full"....Don't eat after 6:00 PM...Don't Eat after 8:00 PM....Drink water before you eat...Drink Water after you eat....

There are lots of "Simple" "how to" tips out there for us fat folks to lose weight...and quite frankly...most of them probably work...

However...it has been my experience that most people who say these things to me...have not met many who struggle with eating from an emotional place...or a busy place...or a distracted, overwhelmed...Dear God...I need Cake... kind of place!!!

I have owned from the very beginning that I am an emotional eater!  No Doubt about it! And I will not lie...when someone says to me...you just need to....(fill in the blank)...eat less, drink more water, eat before 8:00 PM...eat only half of what is on your plate...etc...I want to say...No Kidding...You Think?

If my eating were all about following a set of rote rules...If my eating habits were based on logic...I would not be blogging about being fat or eating...trust me!!

So my friend Lindsey sends me this article about Emotional Eating...(she gets it)...

http://www.fitbie.com/eat-right/ways-stop-emotional-eating?ocid=nlxer

As I read it...quickly...I realize that again...it flows in this logical, if you do this...then this will happen kind of way...

Here is my problem...when I am in my emotional self...logic is limited!  Words like reason, accountability...out the window...

So here's the deal...this is a good article...makes really good points...truly!  Good suggestions on how to combat the process of emotional eating...

The problem is me...I need an article that gives me tips on how not to BE EMOTIONAL...

You know...articles that might be titled...

10 Easy Steps to Get Rid of Emotions...

Feel Less...Eat Less...

A Fluffy Girl's Guide to Emotional Freedom...Or Freedom FROM Emotions

OK...so maybe "not feeling" is unrealistic...but, today,  it seems more realistic than NOT eating when I am feeling!!  :)

#Fluffygirlproblems


So...I guess I will read this article a few times through and try to convince myself that the solution to a bad day...hurt feelings or unexplained grouchiness...does not come in the form of a Pizza or chocolate cake...

Oh...and by the way...#9 (in the article)...says to Play with your Dog INSTEAD of eating....Well...they obviously don't know my dog...She thinks that EATING is Playing!!!

#fluffydogproblems


In truth...some of the suggestions in the article are a big part of what I attempt to do daily...and am particularly focused on these...such as Portion Control....Not keeping tempting foods in the house...eating balanced meals...ALL of which read more simply than they are accomplished for me...

However...Attitude is Key...Gotta Keep Trying...Gotta Accentuate the Positive... (I feel a song coming on...)

Accentuate The Positive-Ella Fitzgerald

Watching Paint Dry

Life is funny...in one moment it feels like it moves at an absolute crawl and then...without any notice or warning..it can whip into a frenzy and just absolutely feel like it flies by.

Of course...I have heavily discussed my experiences of life's pace at length here in this virtual journal documenting my life changes...almost daily.

I have used any number of analogies...clichés...quotes...to describe my experience as I navigate my ever-changing, up and down experiences during this part of my life's Journey.

Because of the goal I originally set...to lose 120lbs in ONE year....and given that I am just over halfway there in mid year 2....life in context to reaching this goal feels like watching paint dry!

Of course...to completely contradict that thought...with so many life changes...so many new experiences...so much new found energy...life can feel like it is blowing by!!! 

But either slow or fast...Life is precious...priceless...to be enjoyed...to be treasured and ultimately it ends.

I spend tons of time trying to figure it all out! LOL!!!  Trying to figure out at what pace I should be traveling...what I should be accomplishing...and whom I should be spending it with...

But we all know this...Life moves forward regardless of my best efforts to figure it all out...It moves forward as I wonder where it is going....It moves forward regardless of what I weigh, regardless of what I accomplish and it moves forward when I am alone or with others. 

From the beginning I have called this a Journey (even going as far as to capitalize the word EVERY time I write it).  From the very beginning I just knew that was the only word that would fit this experience.  But...Life is a Journey...the whole enchilada...the whole "shabang". 

Losing weight, gaining health, professional success, losing friends, gaining new ones, laughing, crying, learning, forgetting, falling, getting back up, breathing, and eventually not breathing anymore...ALL part of the Journey.

So in the middle of a "watching paint dry" moment in this weight loss part of my Journey...I was sharply...suddenly...reminded of the fragility of Life...and how the illusion of life rolling along slowly is just that an ILLUSION...or in my case maybe a Delusion!!!

Today, quite by accident, I found out that someone that was literally a daily part of my life during my college years died...at 45 years of age...someone that I loved, laughed my ass off with, cried with...learned with, fought with...grew up with...someone that I cherished...is gone.  Suddenly Life felt like is was zipping by...where did the time go? And what about the time that was supposed to be left?

As  you might imagine, a great sadness overwhelmed me.  It is never easy to say goodbye to someone...even if we said goodbye years ago...

I immediately began flying through the multitude of memories that live in my head and my heart...Life moving at break neck speed....A literal flash of thoughts, pictures in my mind's eye...blown through in almost a blink of an eye...

So...my impatience with the speed at which I appear to be traveling on my own Journey....suddenly seems just fine.  No hurry...after all this is no Race...This is IT...Life!

I knew I was going to post today...I had an idea...and then suddenly Life shifted...as it does. Suddenly...I was given the opportunity to embrace some needed perspective...I was given the opportunity to thank God for this Journey...and for the luxury of Watching Paint Dry.

I heard a song today...a new song...the lyrics made me smile...and felt true...so I am sharing them with you. 

Spread out arms out and lift them high
Run like a airplane in the sky
We got worries but we ain’t got time
To worry life away

Call our friends up and tell them to
And let them know why you feeling blue
The troubles they get a hold on you
When you worry life away

Lets a run a little bit faster
Hair blowing in the wind
There’s feeling here all around us
We got to breathe it in
So just smile and keep your head up
Smile and keep your head up
Smile and keep your head up high
Don’t worry life away

Giving up is an easy out
Then you got nothing to pray about
Maybe sailing smooth but your sinking down
When you worry life away

Grab a hold of your burdens why
Don’t you throw it in up to the sky
Surrender them to make ???
And kiss your worries goodbye

Lets a run a little bit faster
Hair blowing in the wind
There’s feeling here all around us
We got to breathe it in
So just smile and keep your head up
Smile and keep your head up
Smile and keep your head up high
Don’t worry life away

~Us The Duo

God Has Planted Greatness!

Happy Sunday....

I hope this weekend has been filled with Great Love and Joy! 

My favorite Olympian and her fantastic partner (Kerri Lee and April) won the 1st AVP Beach Event of the 2014 season...and being the goofball that I am...I like to send them little encouraging notes before each tourney! 

On Friday, I sent this to them both:

 

 

 

I thought it perfect for them as they embark on their 1st full season together and on their Journey to Rio in 2016!!!  AND....they won!!!  However, after I sent it to them...I read and re-read these words Joyce Meyer spoke. 

 

 

I have a tendency to believe that God has planted Greatness in others...but don't always see the Greatness He has planted in me.

 

Greatness is a gift from God that lives in each of us....I believe that IT IS in fact a gift.  I readily see that Gift in others...in the hearts of the people that weave in and out of my life and in the works and accomplishments of those around me. 

 

I struggle to see that in my life. 

 

But what I do see....Is that God is working in my life...daily giving me the opportunity to be Great...I just have to "Let Today Be the Beginning of A Great Adventure...or really...I have to Let Today be the Continuation of a Great Adventure.

 

So Tomorrow is a New Day...to Embrace the Gift of Greatness...that lies in me. 

 

I am one week into a new healthy eating/fitness plan....I hope to Embrace each Day of this New Plan as the opportunity to accomplish Greatness...Great Health...Great Willpower...Great Motivation and Great Accountability.

 

I need to write here, as a reminder to myself, that I have lost more than half of the weight I set out to lose on this weight loss Journey so far...and though I struggle at times with how long it is taking me to lose the whole 120lbs...the Truth is that God has planted Greatness in my life by providing the strength that I have needed to lose these lbs so far. 

 

I have to trust that more Greatness lies ahead...lies in me!

 

So here is to a week of embracing Greatness...even if I when I don't see it...I must believe it lies within me...lives around me and will blossom from me as I step into His Gifts!

 

Have a great week. 

 

 



I AM-Inspired, Awed, Moved

Today is a sad day for me and for many.  Today the great Maya Angelou made her way to Heaven and left behind some of the most amazing written and spoken words of all time.

I don't exactly remember when I heard Maya Angelou speak for the 1st time...but I remember how I felt!  Inspired, Awed and Moved to my very core!

Below are just a few of the brilliant, touching, spirit filling words written and spoken by Maya Angelou.

The above is so very true for me!  I may not be able to quote every word I have ever heard or remember every impactful event I have witnessed....but I truly remember how people make me feel...that is a memory that does not fade.

This Journey has been filled with moments that have made me feel Inspired, Awed and Moved!!! 

I AM grateful!

This thought perfectly sums up my goal for this part of my Journey.  I have lived in survival mode way too long.  I want to make it my Mission to Thrive...I want to incorporate the Inspired, Awed and Moved moments of this Journey and make them my daily life...and I want to pass that on...share it...preach it...live it...breathe it!!! 

I love this quote...no truer words have been spoken...I believe in the power of the human relationship...I believe in the energy is creates...the power is possesses and the love it generates.  I am a believer in the impact of human touch, the gift of face to face interaction and the beauty of the spoken word.  I believe that if I take a step out of my own life and make a conscious choice to take a look at other's lives...I will find God's wisdom and grace just waiting to be lived! Understanding breathes life into each of us...

This...this thought is fabulous....If at the end of the day...the end of this Journey...if just one person remembers me in this way....my life would be complete!  I have these kind of women in my life...I have been and am blessed by the presence of strong, courageous, intelligent and wonderfully loving women...wonderful mothers, friends, wives, leaders...

These are wonderful words to aspire to for me...I need to read these EVERYDAY...

Here is the truth for me...Every day I know better...so every day I can DO Better!

There are many lessons for me on my Journey...there have been and will be many opportunities for me to overcome...to Rise Above...to face my demons and to embrace those I love....There will be many paths to choose from and many paths to cross and I will have what I need to Rise Above.  I will meet new faces and I will say goodbye to others...I will lose some battles and I will beat the odds.  I will cry some tears and I absolutely know I will laugh shortly thereafter...I am reminded every day of the greatest love...the Love of God and the magical, spiritual gifts He provides in my life in the form of other's gifts and talents...So today I thank him for beautiful words of Maya Angelou....a person I never met...I never touched or spoke to...but remember exactly how she made me feel.

Lastly, I want to share my all time favorite poem by Maya Angelou...spoken by her...in her own beautiful, unique, spell-binding way.  I hope you will take the time to listen.  Though they were written about her very specific experience...the words transcend the history and apply to all! 

Still I Rise-Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.           

As this Journey Continues....I AM...INSPIRED, AWED AND MOVED

Crossing Oceans

I have a hard time letting go of things...all kinds of things...up to and including greeting cards, scraps of paper, pictures (even bad ones), old clothes that don't fit...be they too small OR too big, old bills,  checkbooks, bank statements, receipts, Christmas decorations, SHOES...and the list goes on...and NO I am not going to be on one of the those "hoarder"shows...but I do not easily release my grip on stuff that at one time or another...had some kind of value.

Sadly...my fear around letting go...does not stop at stuff!!!  Sadly...it goes much deeper than that...as evidenced by the extra pounds I carry...the worry I harbor and the sometimes less than healthy relationships I hang on to!

I would like to think that I am a vertically challenged, deep thinking, devoutly loyal individual that hangs on no matter what!!!  (In a good way)

Instead...I at times, think that what I am...is overly fluffy, obsessively thinking, sucker who does not know when she is being taken for a ride! (Not in a good way)

OK...so both are extreme representations of my real view of my life...but I will say that I do battle with Letting Go...and right NOW...I need to LET GO...of several things.

Mostly...I need to Let Go of the fear...

So truth...I wrote the above days ago...and did not finish the thought. Tonight...I considered deleting it...starting over...but couldn't LET GO of the thought.  Lol!

Today...I was reminded that I have some things to let go of...including a few expectations! 

Today...I got my feelings hurt and realized that will continue to happen if I don't let go of an unrealistic "ideal"...an unrealistic expectation!

Yesterday,  I met with my new nutritionist/trainer....she came up with a great plan...something that I know I can do...

I just have to let go of this idea that I am stuck and can't do it!!

I have known since the day this Journey started that I would have to re-train my brain, revamp my lifestyle and ultimately let go ALL the stuff that keeps me fluffy and sick.

I figured out pretty early in this Journey that it was going to be one heck of a rollercoaster ride...

I have gained and lost pounds, sizes, motivation, inspiration and friends along the way...And have experienced the highest of highs and some pretty low lows...

But...with every down day...great things continue to come my way twofold...the let downs are often offset by the uplifting moments....the disappointments overshadowed by the gifts! 

First and foremost, I HAVE to believe....TRULY believe that I am capable of meeting my goals and worthy of my expectations for myself...for my life.

I recently posted a quote that really hit home for me...paraphrasing...At some point in time you have stop crossing oceans for those who would not jump a puddle for you.

Though a little "victimy" for me...it has some truth to it...but in thinking about it...I thought this...I have to be willing to cross an ocean for myself and let go of all of those things that keep me from doing so...

This weight loss is my ocean to cross...the unhealthiness in my life is my ocean to cross...having people in my life who would cross an ocean for me...well...I have to be willing to do so first!

So...I guess I better get to swimming!

I got the below in a fortune cookie a few days ago...

It is time again to GO DEEP!

The More things Change....

More lessons in patience for today!  More lessons is truly embracing God's Will and More lessons in embracing the pace of this Journey.

I had the opportunity this weekend to spend time with family, do a lot of driving and a lot of thinking.  All good things...except for maybe the thinking part.

Of course...thinking is not a problem for me...thinking positively...well, that is more of a stretch. But for the last few weeks, I just really am focusing on thinking about what it will be like to be on the other side of this part of my Journey. 

I keep talking about change and ALL the change happening in my life...and I know that at some point...those changes will be made and new ones will enter the picture...

You know the saying, "the more things change, the more they stay the same".  I have never quite gotten what that means...and the French guy (Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr) who said it originally is dead and thus not available for explanation...so here is a Fluffy girl's take (whose not dead yet) as it applies to my more recent experience.

Everyday there is change...and seemingly more of it...There has to be in order to move forward...Everyday there is a challenge, a decision to be made, a direction to go, and everyday that changes...
Everyday there are choices to be made and everyday I can make good ones or bad ones...and everyday I do!
Everyday, I wake up into a world of change.  Constant Change...not only in my own little world...but in the broader landscape of ALL of those that impact my little world...All Over the World!!

Though my daily life may look the same on a macro level...if you drill down and focus in on the daily details...they change everyday...little nuances or variations on a theme!! 

Change is constant...and in that regard, Everyday is the Same. 

So why so much fretting when it comes to change????...AHHHH....the million dollar question...I think just like with anything...I have a tendency to measure the importance of Change as it relates to perceived impact...

We use phrases like "Life Changing" (I alone, have used this phrase thousands of times just in the last nearly 2  years)

Catastrophic Change
Radical Change
"The Change"
Positive Change

All of the above phrases invoke a sense of "bigness"...a grandiose kind of change...at least for me.

That kind of change...can be scary...fear can creep in when I make a "life changing" decision...fear of failure or losing parts of my life that I think I MUST not lose!!
Fear that I will find out that I am not capable of the change was a BIG one when I started this part of my Journey and rears its ugly head from time to time!! 

Yet...as much as I fear some of the Big Change...I plow through my Everyday... moving from one change to another without paralyzing fear of failure...or I would never leave the house! 

My success so far and for that matter, my failures, are rarely about the BIG changes...but more readily about all of the little daily changes that keep me moving forward...in my Fight to Light.

 When I started this Journey...the below is the very first quote I used as almost a battle cry...it is a very small excerpt from one of my favorite songs...as recorded by Adele...but written by Bob Dylan.

"The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothin' like me yet."

I can truthfully say that I had NO IDEA how true that would be for me...I had no idea that it would be ME who "ain't seen nothing like me yet"


 The winds of change are STILL blowing wild and free and lately have been quite gusty!!!  AND...in the words of an old Gospel song (and inspiration for one of my favorite books by Maya Angelou)

Well, I started out travelin' for the Lord many years ago,

I've had a lot of heartache, I've met a lot of grief and woe.
But when I would stumble, then I would humble down,
And there I would say I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now.

I would not take a single thing for this Journey now...even amid my at times, graceless travels through this Change...I would not trade any of it!

So...as always, I will continue to need your wisdom, support and prayers..as I face the daily changes AND the Big changes...Everyday...The Same thing until it changes!!!