I could use some concrete results.
So, one of my goals has been to reduce the number of medications I take on a daily basis.
When I started this Journey...I had NO idea about the how's, when's, why's...but I knew that I needed to improve my health.
Being obese was the common theme in ALL of my ailments...meaning that even though my chronic illness was not caused by my supreme fatness...being supremely heavy certainly inhibited my ability to fend off infections and was in fact, the primary cause of my diabetes...etc...
So, having said that...I have discussed here how amazed I am at the direct and almost immediate impact losing weight has had on such ailments...particularly my diabetes!
For those of you that do not know, I was insulin dependent when I started this process and know I am only taking a very low dosage of oral medication and am technically a "borderline" diabetic.
Additionally, I am no longer taking cholesterol meds...
So, why I am telling you all of this...Well, I still have a few other medications that have been prescribed as a solution for some of my health problems. Some will be with me for a while...but there is one in particular that I am choosing to discontinue...one that some may question my judgement (and already have) about considering how bumpy this past few months has been.
It is a medication that with it comes a bit of a stigma for me (and for many others)...and it is a medication that makes it very difficult to lose weight. Many years ago, amidst a very stressful time in my life...a time marred by crazy health issues, a job that I hated and the loss of my grandmother...My Dr. (who HATED to see her patients in pain) prescribed an anti-anxiety medication for me. She placed me on a very low dosage...then later doubled it (after the death of my grandmother). That was in 2001.
So, here we are in 2014 and I have now been taking an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant for 13 years...though the dosage was greatly reduced in 2010.
Like any medication of its type, the body becomes dependent and stopping the medication can be difficult.
I decided this year, I wanted to make every effort to discontinue the medication. Of course, I was aware that doing so...may make for some difficult moments and the reality of the situation is that I made actually NEED the medication.
So that brings me to today...I have been without this medication for the past 3 weeks...and of course, it does not take a mental giant to conclude that it in fact, has been a difficult transition for me.
Here is my take on it today...generally, I think it surely has forced me into to dealing with the reality that I am an emotional person...who feels deeply and stresses out. It is forcing me to decide whether or not I want to or need to medicate that part of my personality...
Honestly, I have real reservations about posting about this...as you can imagine, some may read more into this decision or outcome that I may intend. I have already been told it is a bad idea to "publish" such information about myself at the risk of a future employer, or a person who might misuse the information...or the NSA :)....using it against me. But here is where I stand, ultimately! I am on very defined journey that includes me holding my self accountable, telling my truth, promoting an honest approach to a very challenging task and most importantly, that God takes care of me...So...if I lose a few opportunities because I choose to reveal this Journey challenge...then so be it.
So back to my decision. I am choosing to discontinue this medication, quite frankly, to see if my weight loss struggles are lessened and to determine whether or not, this emotional, deep feeling, stressed out creature that I am...can manage those difficulties without chemicals.
Here is a truth that I need to say...I personally, am just tired of being on medications that impact my body negatively...Having said that, if I, in tandem with medical professionals, determine it is a medication I need in order to live a successful, happy life...then I will take it! Without taking this step, I cannot honestly say that I know what is true or not.
I choose to share this here...because I know I am not the only person on this planet to have struggled with these kinds of decisions and certainly with this very kind of situation.
I am not ashamed of it...nor do I think taking this medication defines or makes any statement about me...but I also know...is that NOT trying to do it differently DOES make a statement about me and does limit me.
Lastly, I certainly have people in my life whom I care about deeply and trust, who think I should continue taking this medication. I respect that. And for some, I am sure they could present some significant evidence proving their point.
But maybe, just maybe, instead of medicating all of the things that make me less tolerable, less functional in the short term...maybe...I have the ability to overcome those traits naturally...or maybe even still...those traits...the overly emotional, deep feeler...may not be something that needs to medicated...but just understood!
And, if I am wrong...then I will in fact, Take a Pill and move on!
In a world where there is a pill for just about everything...I would like to go against the grain...try living my life differently...
In the meantime, as always, I appreciate your prayers, opinions, words of wisdom...
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