When Only God Knows It

In the past several months....I have been uncomfortably seated on my most feared ride in life's amusement park...The roller coaster.  I have discussed that roller coaster many times here...in many different ways and in the past 3 years have not learned to fully embrace it.

I have tried...to love the uncertainty of it...the thrill of it...to embrace the unknown...but generally lately am just nauseated by it.

In the past months, my life has been one constant roller coaster filled with big changes, big growth, and a few serious butt buster moments that leave me distrusting of the process.

I, in the past 3 years, have let me myself be "seen" in a pretty public way...and have allowed myself to trust my story with others on a very personal level as well.  Some pretty amazing things have happened because of it...and some pretty painful things have happened because of it.  That's life...It happens...Thank God.
 Life has seasons...and I have recently come to realize that it may be time to turn inward...be a little more introspective, be a little more selective with my trust, limit my exclamations and dissertations, reduce my expectations of others and increase my self-reliance.  

This is no perfect journey...and I, could not be farther from being the perfect journey taker..but I am worth the continued effort...even on those days when only God knows it!

As I continue to intentionally navigate through this life journey...I am sure that there will be many seasons...many joys...many blessings...disappointments...renewed hope, lost faith, and faith found again.  I have learned so far...that you never know where the next right step will lead and that the picture I have in my head....may not be the picture God has painted in His.

So...as this Journey continues...I may find myself here writing...from time to time...for a bit of an outlet...and that dose of accountability...but after today, this blog will be here only for those that know where to look...no more posting on social media, emailing, texting...for a while.