On some level, I have known that this Journey would take me way beyond where I expected to go from it's inception.
I did not have some psychic ability or some unique spiritual insight into what the future would hold. But I knew! Not in formed thoughts or grand words...but instead, in a quiet...strangely peaceful way...that was the perfect combination of God's Grace and my willingness to surrender.
The past few weeks I have come face to face with some old health challenges that feel uncomfortably familiar and at the same time, uncomfortably foreign.
I find myself feeling shocked but not surprised. Defiant...yet resigned...living an old behavior in a new life. Straight up confused and sadly, lost!
From a physical perspective...flattened...exhausted...sick...too pooped to pedal!
From an emotional perpspective...just a ball of worry, stress, and fear...a hot mess!
But today...God's Grace and my surrender met again.
To the naked eye...it may be hard to detect...but it happened...just as quietly as before.
Today...I had the opportunity to step out of myself...see, clearly, some of the blessings in my life. I had the opportunity to have a bird's eye view of what happens when a group of people momentarily put down their own worries and lives to be of service to others and I got to spend precious time giving back...in no grand way...but in gratitude for what I have received.
My words may not make complete sense to those reading them...but for me...these words represent a crossroads...another intersection of God's graceful guidance of my journey and my surrendering to that grace.
Some of the blessings of this day/week:
1. Working in unison with a group of volunteers who came together for a common cause.
2. Meeting new people and seeing old friends...I am talking "back in the day"... "high school old"...friends.
3. Spending time with family
4. Getting to have a proud moment for one of the kids in my life...and getting to tell her how proud of her I am!
5. Getting to hug two of my all time favorite teachers and tell them I love them!
6. Having the honor of watching a man and his family work all day long at a fundraiser for the hospital that is helping him fight brain cancer.
7. Having people in my life that see strength in me...even when I feel my weakest.
8. Having those in my life who remind me I have come to far to turn back now.
9. The spontaneous conversation with a former professional cyclist who assured me that I will finish the MS 150 :)
10. The reminder that God provides all I need to do my best...even when my body and spirit are tired...and that doing my best is all He asks for...not perfection.
So...as always...this Journey continues to take me one step farther than I think I can go...and in the midst of feeling Lost...I AM FOUND...