Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Brick By Brick...Day By Day

This Journey has really been a "one step at a time kind" of trip...trying daily to build a new structure to my life...brick by healthy brick.

On some days...and in a certain light...I can see that structure rising up...I can see  the progress...and on others days...well...I feel a "few bricks short of a load"!

I was back in the gym tonight...just to do some upper body work in hopes of building strength there..while I try to heal or quite possibly wallow in denial regarding how injured my left knee really is...not looking good tho!

In my denial...I got on the bike only to discover that I could not even make a full rotation...bummed!

However...brick by by day...I plan to do my best to continue to build a healthier body!
Injuries and setbacks are part of life...but so are victories...and healing!

While I may actually BE a few bricks short of a load....I am still planning on suiting up (in full on Lycra) and pedaling my way to Austin...raising some money for a wonderful cause and continuing construction on this life of mine!

Forging On...albiet with a limp....but Forging On nonetheless!

Monday, January 26, 2015

Push Me, Pull Me, Pick Me Up, Carry Me Through

My friend Brigette sent the below to me today.

Boy...I hope she is right!

It really is an amazing blessing to have people in my life who see me in such a different light than I see myself...

Keeps me me courage and strengthens my resolve! week ago...I, while training for the MS 150,  took a nasty spill....a whole lotta me hitting the hardest concrete ever!

After the shockwaves subsided....I picked myself back on the bike...and pedaled home with some serious road rash and a slightly bruised ego! :)

Honestly,  it hurt like hell...but I did not feel too terribly injured...and certainly felt lucky that my skinned knee was the worst of it!

However, I may be facing a little longer recovery than I expected. 

I won't lie...I am feeling a little old and damaged...however, really still believe I can take on this challenge in April.

Oh...I have my doubts and am battling that creeping sense that I could fail...but because I am surrounded by those who remind me that stopping is highly overrated...and that God provides the strength I need in those moments when believing seems silly and courage seems thin, I'm gonna keep going.

My friend Camille said these words to me today...unrelated to riding a bike an absurdly long distance. ..but these words transcend situations....

 "We both know if it's meant to be it will be.  If not, it's just another step on the path to where you are supposed to be."

I don't know if I am unstoppable....but If I am...It is not because of my sheer is because I have so many people in my life who push me, pull me, pick me up and carry me through!

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Keep Moving Forward...Even If I Don't Move An Inch

So I am in the middle of Week #2 of training for my 1st MS 150...Training...really making an effort to prepare for this ride...These are just a few observations I have made so far:
  • Riding 20 miles  and not moving an inch evokes a little feeling of claustrophobia...Stationary bike problems!
  • Padded bike shorts are not adequately padded and strangely enough, neither is my ass.
  • It appears that Cycling gear companies do not believe fat people should bike seriously.  Lycra kills!
  • The inventor of the bike seat was an evil, evil, human
  • My ass is numb...but not numb enough
  • I find myself wondering if I will ever ride a bike again after this ride
A few more observations/confessions:

  • It feels good to have this goal to work towards
  • I may be just deluded enough to believe I can actually do this.
  • I truly hope I don't lose any butt fluff before this ride...padding is key.
  • While riding, I play the final race scene in the movie Breaking Away in my head for motivation..
  • Thinking that I will start a bike ride for fluffy people...Tour de Fluff

Lastly...really grateful that I can even attempt this challenge!

Really happy to have a numb butt from riding a bike instead of from being in a hospital bed too long.

Really stoked that I get to participate in an event wearing clothes that make me look like a sausage on wheels...ok...maybe not grateful for that!

Even more grateful that I, by the Grace of God, have people in my life who buy into my madness...believe in my dreams and never mention how bad I look in Lycra! 

    JUST GOTTA KEEP MOVIN' FORWARD! (Even If I never move and inch)

Friday, January 9, 2015

Holy Cow...It's Official!

So it is OFFICIAL...I have officially registered for the MS 150!


I hope the below does not happen! LOL! It's a possibility!

So...let's all bow our heads and pray that this STILL fluffy, soon to be 48 year old, more than slightly damaged up for the possibly maniacal musings of a  mind that keeps challenging...keeps believing and is STILL insistent that this Journey is worth the effort and that I CAN DO THIS!

Get ready...lots of bike riding, lots of bike riding adventures....all bike...all the time...till the Cows Come Home...or at least until the Cows chase me off the road!

Monday, January 5, 2015

The Story You Live

I heard the following words during a church service recently.

"The Story You Live...Is The Story You Believe"

For the past 2+ years, I have been "editing" my story...the story that I live.

I have been on a path to take my story as it were and create new chapters with not rewrite so much but rather to write from a different place with a different plot in mind.

In the process of doing so, I am learning all about Believing in my story...and more importantly, believing in the Story that has already been Divinely written for me.

Though never a big believer in New Year's resolutions, I am resolved to this daily:

Practicing, praying and willingly living and believing in My Story...the one written for me...contributing to that Story by living with intention,  believing with my whole heart and trusting without limits.

Piece of Cake! :)

So...the story continues!  Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Goodbye 2014...Hello 2015 has been a while since I wrote words on this page.  It seems though that as this year ends, I have a few things to say.

It has been another remarkable year and despite the fact that these last few months have been a little more challenging than I would have liked...some pretty unbelievable things happened this year, some pretty amazing people graced my life and some great lessons were learned. 

In my commitment to honesty, to myself and to this Journey, it must be said that I have fully embraced "Fat Season" these last few weeks...have been sidelined (more than I planned) by an injury and have let life stress knock me down. 

It is no secret that  I wanted to make this a one year Journey...I am in acceptance that this is, in fact,  a Life Journey...and I certainly have no shortage of wonderful souls in my life whom have worked hard to convince me of that very fact! I get that this "weight loss" Journey long since morphed into a life overhaul...a spiritual Journey, a Journey that would confront my way of thinking and living to the very core...a Journey that would lead me down some pretty amazing, scary, faith-building, physically challenging paths that would leave me thrilled, exhausted, rejuvenated, overwhelmed and eternally grateful at any given moment. 

Truthfully, I have come a long way and have a long way to go...the length of  a lifetime.

As I write this, my "ye of little faith" brain really wants to focus on my struggles as of late...But...that kind of thinking has no place on this Journey...

I need a reminder and I want to one more time, share some of the most brilliant parts of this Journey...the wonderful adventures, people, words and gifts of my 2014.

No order of any kind...just my random cutting and pasting...

Thank you for every prayer, every encouraging word, every step of the way!  You have no idea how it impacts the terrain I am traveling! much easier it makes this Journey.

Goodbye to 2014...I am grateful for every moment!

Hello 2015...Nice to meet you. Looking forward to our time together.  I enter this year prayerfully, gratefully with a trusting heart and an open mind.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Status: It's Complicated

Do you remember that status option on Facebook....the "It's Complicated" one? Generally intended I think to describe the temporarily or possibly permanently dysfunctional romantic relationship and a short, concise way to vaguely share our most personal relationship in a social media kinda way!

Well...though I have no dysfunctional romantic relationship to be vague about here...I do find myself wanting to apply the "It's Complicated" tag next to my proverbial status update.

As I write this...I must admit I find myself wondering if IT actually IS complicated...or am I just complicating IT!

The latter may be more accurate...but regardless this Complication is distracting, painful and I find myself lost in it. 

This complicated situation is bringing out some of my less than stellar traits...prideful ego, anger, and my ability to throw sarcasm like a dagger.

I find myself unsure of how to "un"complicate the situation today...but if I am gut check honest with myself...I do know how to disengage from the complication...I do know how to lessen the stress of this It's Complicated moment.

Pretty clear as I sit here that I, as I said in last night's post, cannot allow myself to be distracted from this Journey....I cannot let old behavior undo the progress I have made.

I must stay true to my goal, to my Faith and rely on my own will power (it is in here somewhere) and to the Power in God's Will.

Not feeling courageous today...but trusting that my courage will prevail...

Today It's Complicated! Tomorrow though, is a new day!