Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween

No post tonight. I hope all of u had a safe and Happy Halloween!  


Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Taking a break

Today is not going so well...we all have those days, I guess...but for this one...I need a small break...Just overwhelmed!

So this is my post today...Just need a break!


Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Reflections on a Reflection

So...more truth...Some days I get up (not a morning person)...stumble into the bathroom...begin to get dressed for my day and look in the mirror and think or may even say out loud...CRAP...I still have such a long way to go!

Mirrors can be tough to handle in the mornings...Actually mirrors can be tough in least for me. 

So...on any given day...I may have that reaction.  So today was one of those mornings...after such a hard workout yesterday...there is some (unrealistic) part of me that would like to think I am going to get up and SEE the difference...but such is not typically the case...which makes it seem such a daunting task to know that I have so many more hard workouts to go before I reach my goal...

So what to do when I wake up in that frame of mind?  First let me say..that today, it has just plain ole caught me off guard.  I have no idea why...That is one of my biggest challenges that I have discussed here over and over again...the "swings"...the Highs and Lows and the Ups and Downs...though I certainly like to blame it on middle age and hormones...I am pretty clear that these moments are part of my general personality...THIS very thing is part of what I am working to overcome...the negativity...the part of me that fears getting stuck and not making progress...

I have shared that I am truly stuck right now when it comes to weight loss and maybe that is always needling at me in the back of my mind.  I really do make the effort to re-frame the experience and focus on the fact that I am getting up, suiting up...fighting this battle daily!  The rest will come. 

The mirror is challenging because it does not lie...and at 7:00 AM...I need lies...(just kidding).

But here is what I know..though the mirror does not lie about our appearance (in the purest physical form)...My interpretation of what I see can be chocked full of lies...messages about what I am supposed to be...supposed to look like...supposed to see!  I am betting that many of you can relate to that idea...the idea that what "we" see is not how others see us...both positively and negatively.

The mirror offers a reflection...a reflection through my own own prejudices and my own experiences.  Though what I see in the mirror from a physical sense is pretty concrete reality...My reflection in that mirror is not solely who I am...or who I am capable of becoming. I have always said that I want to be able to get up in the mornings, look at myself in the mirror and be happy with who I am on the INSIDE.  Being happy with who I am on the outside is a BONUS! 

Of course...I am learning...that by working on my "outsides" appreciation deepens for who I am on the inside.  For me, I am learning that both have to work in tandem. 

By working on my outsides...I am in turn, healing my insides...physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

You see...the battle is not just against the bulge...but against the brain...against the insecurities...the fear...the resentments....the regrets...the doubts...All of it has to be addressed for me...

So though I have not a single clue why this is on my mind today...It is...My reflections on my Reflection. 

I want my Reflection to be a Mirror of God's unconditional love...for myself and for others...I want my insides and my outsides to reflect self-respect, dignity, the ability to love with all of my heart. a healthy pride and a willingness to face my challenges head on...I want to be a reflection of bravery, loyalty and strength..because God has given me ALL that I need to do so...

I want all of that...not there yet....But it is what I work for...The reason I believe in this Journey...Believe that this Journey is Healing, Making me Whole...Strong and Confident and ultimately a Reflection of these words:

I can Do ALL Things through Christ who Strengthens Me!  Phil 4:13

Not only that I CAN but that I AM!

"Everyone and everything that shows up in our life is a reflection of something that is happening inside of us." ~Alan Cohen


Monday, October 28, 2013

Beat Resistance with Persistance

So...It is Monday...and of course...I have to work to not make one of my standard Monday wisecracks!

Instead ..I am embracing this day as yet one More Opportunity to see a a blessing...and break a sweat!

At the end of my work day...I REALLY wanted to go and get in some quality couch time....AND then...I thought about how great it is going to feel to finally beat the conquer...overcome and defeat my flabby opponent!
So...I decided I must go to the gym so that I could kick my own ass!  BATTLE!

So I did my Concept II Rower workout...3 sets...300 meters...1.50 minutes. So I did my first set in...300 meters in 1:50 min.
Then my 2nd set after a 3 minute rest.  300 meters in 1:25 min.
Then my 3rd set....300 meters. ..1:15 min.  YEA BABY! !

Now please here me say...I thought my chest was going to explode...but I did it...I kicked my own ass in record time!

After that...I did 25 minutes on the bike.  But while I was sitting on the bike...I became aware of this button that I always have to push before I begin....It says:

Quick Start

I always chuckle when I push could not be farther from the truth for me!  I am not the master of the quick start...but I secretly wish there was a button that magically gave me quick start a off the blocks...quick out of the gate!

Also written on that button is the word "Resistance"...with a picture of an "UP" arrow and a "DOWN" arrow.  Now these are words I can relate to...Lol!

That is one of the my biggest daily challenges....managing my Resistance!  The "Ups" and "Downs". 

If you could hear the dialogue...the arguments that go on in my head during the beginning of my would either scream with frustration...OR roar with laughter! It is Cray Cray!

But I truly have to push through the resistance...the physical AND the mental! I have to have these conversations with myself daily!

But...I am finding that the key to my resistance is in fact,  my persistence...I have to go through the Ups and Downs and the round and rounds...I have to overcome the effects of the slow start and be willing to battle the sluggishness and TRUST that the middle and end are worth the fight!

I have to be willing to battle the defeated me that thinks that the slow start is a good reason to stop! Push...Fight...Battle...against all of my conditioned responses to pain and fatigue!

I know I can beat the is just going to take Persistence!

Here is a little photo collage of my battle tonight!

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Living for the Adventure-Not for Nothing

Hello...and a Happy Sunday to you!  I actually slept in today....after a busy Saturday...a big ole allergy attack AND staying up really late to see if Kerri and April won in China....I was a little hosed today!

So...Kerri and April DID WIN!! This makes Kerri the winningest Women's Beach Volleyball player EVER! How cool is that!! She now has 113 career wins surpassing Misty May Treanor with 112.

She inspires again...after watching her struggle last weekend...still give 150% of her heart...leave her half way around the world and beat the #1 ranked team in the world to win more tournaments than any woman before her.....I figure I can push through a little fatigue...get in my 2.5 minutes to the gym...and lift a few weights...

Maybe...just maybe...I will become the World's Losingiest Fluffy Girl! maybe not a REAL title...but still...something to fight for! was one of those days I woke up feeling like I was already losing...and not in a good way.  I just have these days...days where stress and fatigue or worry seem to get a jump on me...and I get caught up in the chaos.

I lose sight of what I could see yesterday. Lose sight of the peace that comes with the knowledge that everything is always alright...again....maybe not like I planned, but Always as God Planned.

In the midst of my short term memory loss...I find myself in some kind of angst...knots in stomach...overwhelmed mind...fidgeting and fretting...So tonight I REALLY needed my decompression time...time to pray.. write...think...think less...and then just focus on All the Good...all the blessings.
Letting go of the regrets...the shoulds...coulds and woulds...

I am a work in imperfect person working on being comfortable with that fact...the imperfections...working on losing the things that weigh me down...both literally and figuratively...working on stretching my physical, emotional and spiritual muscles eveyday.  Working on gaining perspective...gaining confidence....gaining experience. ..growing my faith and opening my heart to all the possibilities...opening my life to the God Direction...

My friend Brigette sent me this today...

"Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." ~Helen Keller

Living Life to the Fullest...experiencing every moment...learning...laughing...loving...overcoming...ALL of these are key to my Journey...I will not let fear hold me back.  I AM living for the Adventure...Not For Nothing!


Saturday, October 26, 2013


J.P. Fluff N Stuff...That was the very First Thing that popped into my head as I begin this post tonight!!

That is the kind of brain I have. ..right there! So...Ms Fluff n Stuff...completed her very 1st trampoline aerobics class today!  "AIR"obics!

Let me just say....DAMN!!! So far...the only thing harder was the Dune! This class was a beast...BUT...I started it...finished it...and did NOT need medical attention!  Winna Winna Chicken Dinna!

According to Emily...she said I got 6 stars out of a possible 10. She is tougher than a Russian judge during the Olympics!

But...I had fun...I did one more thing that I couldn't do before I started this Journey...My friend Lindsey was right there with me...along with her Mom...Aunt and Mom' sister-in-law...These ladies kicked butt!!

I had another opportunity to prove to myself that I CAN...CAN try new things...CAN push beyond my comfort zone. ..I CAN be imperfect....CAN work hard...CAN be better! And today I learned...I CAN jump...just not very high!

LIFE TODAY WAS A CAN-CAN!!! And therefore a WIN-WIN!!

After our class I took Emily to lunch...came home...Took a nap...THEN...did a 5 mile bike ride...burned 365 more calories and am whooped!!!

I feel good about today...This Journey is progressing....I am still moving FORWARD. ..ONWARD!!!
I am still surrounded by amazing examples of God's Love and Grace!! My even some fit...high bouncing...young..."air"obics instructor who tried to kill me!

Here is the GROUP!

Friday, October 25, 2013

Stay Strong Beautiful

HAPPY FRIDAY...OR for me...Happy "Fried"day.  I am disgustingly sleepy today...even considered taking a nap in the Ladies room at work.  That is desperate! 

Have a full weekend ahead...Coaching my last 2 volleyball games tonight...going to try and catch the 2nd half of a High School Football game with my sweet pal Brig and her family. 

Tomorrow is AIROBICS...Let the Fluff Fly!!!!  Let the Flab Flop...Let the Bulge Bounce!!!!  That is all I got!!!

We are keeping the Divine Ms. Em this I will have to have Super Aunt energy through the weekend...

Sunday is Emily's school's Fall Festival (Bazaar)!  I figure by Sunday afternoon...I will need my down time...My Refresh...Replenish and Refocus time!

Not to mention that I am having a small battle with the Evil Hormoninator!!!!  Other than that...things are pretty low-key!  LOL!!!

I am REALLY ready to start LOSING some freakin weight again...I swear...It is like I am completely stuck!!!  BUT I WILL NOT BE MOVED!!!  I WILL BE VICTORIOUS!!!


I figure since I have set a new goal of realizing my dream of becoming a writer...I must seize the opportunity to have a really rockin' body for my first book cover...:))))

So it has been a while since I have lost any significant pounds..I know that there are some things that I can do differently and I know that I have the drive and dedication to accomplish this goal.  I just have to make the Choice. I have stated...My trip to California...My visit with Tommy...has renewed my inspiration and reminded me that the challenges I face are about daily Choices...Long term and Short term choices and with God's help...I can make the choices that support being a better, healthier me...I have done it before. 

I am learning that making a lifestyle change is about living that change...Not just a one time decision and action...but a combination of daily decisions and daily actions.  Some days are better than others.

Some days I drive it home and some days I mail in my performance...Some days I am focused on God's voice and some days I am lost in my own head. 

As I was talking with Tommy about my food challenges...about my version of an addiction...He was kindly honest and said...This is a challenge you will always face...I knew he was correct. 

As I have said many times here...I love food...Food is a reward...Food provides solace...Food is entertainment...Food distracts...Food replaces...Food fulfills. 

I am slowly learning that Food may do all of those things..But there are other things that also meet those needs that do NOT destroy my body but instead...Build my Body, mind and Spirit!

Food is necessary...It does Sustain our bodies...but It does not replace that which is missing or needed on an emotional or physical level.

I told Tommy that my whole life...Food represented emotions...and still does...Letting go of that is scary...It is what I know...but again...I am learning that there are other ways to get those needs met...and though the risk involved...the "putting myself out there part"...can be terrifying...When feels way better than any meal I have ever eaten!!!

So I will continue to write about this Journey knowing that all of these thoughts...these tedious steps I am taking are leading to something quite fantastic! Everyday!

I love hearing from you guys...your comments...your suggestions...your own journeys...inspire me. 

To all of you out there fighting your own battles and overcoming your own obstacles...Just:


 Lastly...Below is an interesting article...thought it was worth a mention and I definitely do some of these things!!!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Write Something Worth Reading

Dreams!  I have always been a dreamer! 

In my younger days...I dreamed of being an Olympic Athlete...I dreamed of being a professional singer....I even had dreams about the opening number of my big concert tour...I dreamed of meeting my favorite singers and singing duets with them...

I still dream of traveling around the world (at least parts of the world)!  Over the years...I have had tons of dreams....some I have made an effort to achieve...others were fleeting...others yet, were too scary to least in my head.

Some of my dreams came their own way.  Maybe not exactly like I pictured...but to some extent they turned out imperfectly perfect.  I suppose my biggest dream..the one I pursued most diligently was my dream of being a professional singer. 

That dream came true...just not as I imagined. did come true.  Here is what I learned about dreams...They don't just happen because we want them to.  I had to work as a singer...I had to be a good singer..Good enough to get work...which required vocal work.  I had to work to be brave enough to put myself out take what for me, was the enormous risk of being seen doing something I love in real time!!!

Being a professional singer was not just about singing though...and not just about performing in front of people...It was about many other things that I did not plan on so much.  Eventually, I learned that singing and the music "business" were 2 totally different things...I loved to sing...I did NOT love the music business. 

I was once asked a question about how hard was it to "perform" every get in that mindset before I took the stage...My answer was that when I was on stage...It was the most real I felt...I was completely me "when performing"...yes...there were nights when I was tired, or pissed off...or emotional...but when I began to was freeing... experience with the business of music...had very little to do with being genuine! Change your name...your age...your story...whatever it takes to make you more marketable...and of course for me...Change your body!!!

And I did...I changed my name (which I liked) and I changed my body...lost 70lbs...and if you have read this blog know that those 70lbs were not least not for the music professionals I encountered. is what I know today...for me...I achieved my dream...I lived to have the experience of performing music...singing songs I loved...singing for people!

I was blessed in that, I had many opportunities to know that my talent (that God had given me) had touched other's hearts...just like so many other singers touched mine.  Ultimately, I had to learn that my original "dream" was not actually what I expected but I still lived my dream in my own way. 

I am proud of it! 

Now, these days, I am still a dreamer...some different dreams and SOME dreams that I have sort of  kept quietly locked away...not wanting to risk making them public for fear of not achieving them. 

But as I take this I confess on a regular basis my DREAM to live a healthier, better shed shed my emotional fig shed fears...To TRANSFORM on the deepest level I have ever attempted...I figure DREAMING OUT not so bad. 

I figure...If I am able to discuss this dream on a daily basis in such a public way..then what the hell...why not drop a few more down! goes!

When I started this blog it was because I felt so strongly compelled to do so...knowing that this kind of accountability would be key to my successfully achieving my goal.  I am glad I listened. 

But there was another reason I wanted to start this blog...Another form of accountability to myself and that is that I want to be a writer...I want to write professionally...stuff that I love to write about!

Now there are a few people that know this about me...and I have certainly been encouraged to do so since I started this blog and I must say...My ToneTone has been trying to get to write for a LONG time. 

So Tuesday...during my stint of Emergency Aunt duty...I was riding in the car from my house to Emily's...just she and I...

She said...out of the blue...Do you remember that story you wrote for me...( I did several years ago)...and I said yes...she talked about it a bit and then said, quite matter of factly...I don't understand why you are not a writer...To which I thought...Me Either!  Her tone was sweet AND had she been a little older, might have added the word "jackass" at the end of that sentence. In a good way!!! 

Made me smile...tear up and THINK!  So when I think...I write...Here...So maybe I am a writer...

I started thinking about this Dream I am in the middle of...I started fidgeting with my little Silver Blessings beads on my bracelet.  I started thinking about ALL of the amazing things that have occurred since I started pursuing this Dream.

I mean really...

I think it bears repeating a few again...and again...and again...

  • I started needing to lose 120lbs and have managed to lose 68lbs
  • I started this sick that I could not maneuver a grocery store without feeling like I was going to collapse.
  • Since then...I have completed two 5K's
  • Climbed a giant Granite Hill
  • Hiked 9+ miles
  • Gone from 5 minutes on an Elliptical to an hour
  • Workout 5-6 days a week
  • Climbed the hottest freakin Sand Dune WITH  THE VERY  Olympic Athlete that inspired this Journey
  • Have posted EVERYDAY single day of this Journey here
  • Have met some incredible people and formed some amazing new relationships
  • Have strengthened and renewed some amazing old relationships
  • Played Sand Volleyball for the 1st time and the 2nd time and the 3rd time...
  • Have coached a girls volleyball team for 3 seasons
  • AND...along with an amazing group of people...held a charity volleyball event that raised over $6,000
  • Have learned to fully acknowledge that God is completely in charge of my life and is the Maker of my Dream!
So why not take on another Dream...Why not put it out there and Why not work for it...Big Dreams require Big Work...and I am learning that the Reward far outweighs the Risk...of failing, of looking goofy, of making mistakes...

So...I am going to be a writer...

I would like to do both!

So I hope you will keep this New (Old) Dream of mine in your prayers.  I trust that it is part of this Journey and God will guide me...

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Air Fluffy

Hi there!  We meet again!!  Right here...smack dab in the middle of the De-fluffing zone.

I must be honest...I am exhausted!!!  After my late flight home from CA...Last night turned out to be another really late night.  Unfortunately, Emily's Dad was involved in a rather significant cycling crash and has a significant shoulder injury to show for it. 

He WILL be having surgery to repair what a nasty break..AC joint/clavicle...YUCK!!! 

So Tone Tone and I were called to duty..Mom fed Emily and I took over for the night shift.  Took her home so she could go to bed...and then waited on D and B to get home from the ER.  Consequently...I was still awake in the wee hours of the morning!!!

So...while I was helping out with Bill...getting him situated, etc...he and I started watching a movie called Beach Kings...a 1999 flick about life in Manhattan Beach and Beach Volleyball...So I am sitting...watching and suddenly I see Casey Jennings (Kerri's husband) in a "cameo" role flash across the screen..OMG...It was hilarious...There were several Pro Beach players in the movie...I had never heard of it...but it was kind of a funny irony and certainly a funny little perk to having to be awake for a late night crisis!!!

So...I fought the good fight at work today...or at least the good fight to stay I WILL be getting some sleep tonight! 

I am leaving work and heading for the gym...

This weekend is a funny Mini Goal!!!!  I will be doing AIROBICS!!!!  Yes...My fluffy butt will be doing a trampoline aerobics class...Thanks to my dear, kind, funny...possibly cruel friend Lindsay :)

I figure she either really cares about me and my Journey and wants me to stay involved and active...OR...she is trying to kill me...OR...she is looking to have a video go viral on You Tube...Regardless...I have agreed...Pray for all of us!!!  JUST CALL ME AIR FLUFFY!!!

THEN...NOV. 2nd...A few of us are doing a reunion of my 1st 5K...The Firefly Run...So.....You too can be a part of  TEAM MAWA!!!  HERE IS THE LINK!!!!! The run/walk is Saturday...Nov 2nd (7:30 pm-I think).  Come be a part of Year 2!!

On a serious note...Please keep Bill in your prayers and Donna's Niece Randa as she battles cancer. 

Please keep Kerri and April in your prayers as they play the final FIVB GS tournament in Xiamen, China! 

That is it for me tonight...Hasta La Pasta!!!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013


HI there!  Well...I made it home...Back in Texas....and though I adored every minute of my time in Cali...I missed my Peeps..My Mama...My pup...My "People"!!! 

I came home with a full heart...some replenished inspiration, and about a pound and a half of Pacific sand in my bag!  Jeez...It looks like a put a huge scoop of sand in the bottom of my bag before I boarded the plane!!  But it made me smile to know that I had carried a little bit of my experience home with me!!! 

SO...I think it has been clearly established here that I am a bit cheesy...sappy...dramatic...please feel free to chime in with any other adjectives...but here is the truth...I don't mind that so much about myself...It, in some ways, is a relatively new idea for allow myself to be mushy...all warm and fuzzy...or sentimental.  Now I have probably always had a flair for the dramatic...but..the part of me that is willing to take the risk to "expose" myself (emotionally that is)...has not always been easy for me...

I have had to learn how to allow that to sometimes...I feel a little awkward when I share that side of myself....but I am getting more comfortable with it!  Additionally, (though many of you will not believe the words that are coming out of my mouth)...I am not a true extrovert..but in fact, have a fairly well-represented introvert living in this Fluffy body of mine.  Oh...the extrovert is there...and usually wins out...but intros to new situations are hard for me...and I am often a reluctant "joiner".

That fact...provided me with the opportunity to "streeeetchhh" through my shy side and join in with a group of folks I did not know!  What an absolute blessing that I did and what a boost to my self confidence! 

Confession...My introvert is directly connected to the part of me that is not happy with how I look or who I am...SO...the fact that I made the stretch on the fly this weekend..that I, even in my discomfort...took the a great sign!!!  I did it..and yes...there were times throughout the weekend that I was mildly uncomfortable...but I think that is probably pretty normal...after all...I did not know anyone except for Kerri and though I feel like I have known her for a the big has been about 20 minutes!!! 

So...a good sign that I am overcoming some of the internal..not so noticeable at times...battles that are a direct result of the Fluff and the stigma that comes with it!!!  And what an amazing freaking blessing that I am getting to "work" through those issues with some pretty amazing people! 

So...back to being sappy...So as I said...I always feel a little sad when I leave the ocean....and I must also confess that so far...both has made me a bit sad to say goodbye to my friend!  AND...coupled with that bit of sadness is the absolutely overwhelming feeling of explosive burst of energy...a renewed hope that I am SUPPOSED to be doing what I am doing and a growing confidence in the idea that I CAN and AM doing it...

I had a co-worker today say to me (I am paraphrasing)...Do you know how amazing all of this is!  YES I DO!!!  Unbelievably so!!!  I cry thinking about it...yep...crying as we speak!!!

So....before I left Laguna of my favorite California towns...I decided I wanted to have something I could wear everyday as a reminder of how I feel right now...Something I could wear like I wear my Faith bracelet that serves as a constant reminder to me that I have some amazing things to be grateful for and some amazing things to work towards. 

So I found what I was looking for and is completely sappy and mushy...but I don't care...I love my idea!!

So as you can see...I have my faith bracelet...which I wear everyday...everywhere...and I have 2 new bracelets..First..the blue bracelet with Silver beads...The blue represents how I feel when I am at the Ocean...More Alive...Free...Lighter!! The Silver Beads represent the Blessings I have received along this Journey.  The Multi-color bracelet (Purple, Black , Green)...has its own meaning as well...The Black represents the obstacles...The Green represents the Hope and the Purple represent the Love of Christ and my Strength to Overcome! 

You see...I can forget...pretty quickly how my heart feels today..How energized I am..But I am wearing these bracelets as an outward reminder to MYSELF...A reminder of how AMAZING ALL of this IS...EVERY SINGLE MOMENT!!! 

By the way...the bracelets were made by a company called Pura Vida (Pure Life) and a portion of the proceeds go to charity...a nice bonus!

Pura Vida...PURE LIFE...That is what I am talking about!!  Living Life to the fullest...using ALL the Gifts God has given to me...praying for clarity in how those gifts can be utilized and Giving back the Love I get!!!  PURA VIDA!!!

Let it Begin With Me!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Love Is A POWERFUL Thing!

Day coming to a close...happy to be going home with just a bit of sadness to be leaving...
I am kind of a goofball...I always get a little sad when I leave the Ocean...especially one so beautiful!  I always feel a little more at peace...a little lighter...and a little more free in that place...the air...the steady sound...the smells...all of it just makes me feel better!
So last day of an absolutely amazing trip..Today was no different!  I met with Kerri's trainer Tommy...I was nervous when I arrived...but the minute I walked in...Janie (whom I had spoken with on the phone a few times)..knew who I was...probably the "the deer in the headlights" look I was sporting!! But regardless. ..she was so friendly and welcoming!  Nerves gone!
I spent about 45 min with Tommy...great energy... he kindly let me ramble...shared some really great nutritional info with me...and once again...through Kerri...I met yet another kind heart and was treated with tremendous kindness and generosity.
Again...I am overwhelmed with gratitude! Dumbfounded by the generosity of spirit and kindness I have witnessed and though I am RARELY speechless....I am aware that trying to put how I feel into words...seems inept and inadequate!
But that never seems to stop me from trying!
So as I leave here, I leave with new inspiration....I leave with a heart overflowing...I leave with some new friends and with a deepened respect and love for my precious friend Kerri and her beautiful family.
I leave with a bit of a new fire in my belly...the good kind...I leave with a little more self confidence....and I leave with the yearning to get better and better.
I watched a Champion rise above this weekend....She had a tough day...she would tell you she played poorly...but I witnessed someone who had a "tough day at the office" but did not for a minute lose sight of the most important thing in her life...her family! She hugged them up..told them she loved them...Mom, Sister, babies, hubby...the whole crew!
Divine Perspective! Divine Inspiration!
I believe we get what we give in Life...I believe that if I make every effort to Love with all my heart that I will in surrounded by those whose hearts are full of Love. That means loving myself too...the greater my capacity to love inwardly...the more outwardly I have to give!
If I did not know it fully before this weekend...I do now....LOVE IS A POWERFUL THING!
Much love to all of you and May God Bless and Keep You.

Day 3-California Adventure

Day 3 of my California adventure is in the books...I am up late...packing...getting ready for one more day here in SoCal.
Tomorrow is my appt with Kerri's trainer and I am hoping to soak up as much knowledge as possible. My inspiration is geared up...I just really feel like I need some face to face guidance...a plan!
The last 3 days have been thrilling, inspiring, heart warming...nerve wracking...filled with great opportunity to learn, laugh and love.   I met some really amazing people...watched some unbelievable to build sand castles with some adorable kids...see, hear and feel the Pacific ocean!!
When I planned this goal was to take a purposeful step toward continuing this Journey. This trip was to be an opportunity to see my inspiration play some kick butt volleyball...spend time in the ocean air AND have a conversation with a man who trains world class athletes and happens to train my favorite world class athlete!!
My experience so far, surpasses anything I could have imagined or planned!   Kerri and her family treated me like one of their own.  I loved every minute with Kerri, her Mom, All of the Walsh/Jennings crew!
They are a special group...and I am better for the experience!  Kerri is an exceptional person...athlete. ..Mom...wife. And she is greatly loved and supported by some really strong, loving people!
Today was a tough day for Kerri and April...they lost in the semifinals.  My heart broke for Kerri...tough loss AND she had to get on a plane to China tonight and leave her family...tough..tough day!
She still took  the time to sign autographs, do interviews....un-freakin-believable!! I am...knowing that God is actively working in my life...showing me what strength, courage, love and faith look like in action...again!
I just really want to live all of those qualities Out Loud! Wear them like a badge of honor! 
Must get some rest...tomorrow is a big day!
Here are a few pics from today!

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Great Day...Part 2

Hi there...Wow..another jam-packed day! A great day though!!!
I am so amazed at the kindness and generosity I am encountering!  I am pretty clear that this trip will have a special place in my heart for a lifetime!!
I had the great honor of meeting Kerri's Mom, Sister, Aunts...friends and family galore! I got to spend some time with her kids...which I loved....of course! And again I had the privilege of watching the best beach volleyball and best beach volleyball player on the planet! 
I am managing to stick to a pretty decent food plan and have been doing lots of walking!!
This day has been amazing...inspiring...heartwarming and a total blessing!
Tonight...I am so tired. the best way possible!!
So I will share my stories over the next few days!
Here is a pic collage of Day 2!
Kerri plays in the semis tomorrow....WHEN she wins tomorrow. ..she will have broken the all time wins record and solidify her spot as the greatest female volleyball player of all time!

Friday, October 18, 2013

A Great 1ST Day! I am...back on Pacific coast in the OC! :)
Today has already been amazing.  First...I managed to get up...shower and be ready to walk out the door by 5:45...I was originally told that my car would be there at 4:30 AM...Hell to the NO!
Secondly...I SURVIVED the ride to the airport...missed being in a 4 car pile up my a nose! I want to say to the driver...Damn...let me drive...I make this commute daily without the near death experience.
My flight was great...though I feel bad for my fellow passengers...I am pretty sure I snored like a freight train once or twice!
I got to Cali...was able to check into my funky little motel early...and got to the beach in time for Casey's first match!
The day only got better...I got to hug my sweet, amazing friend Kerri...I got to watch her play...which was un-freakin-believable! It was also great to watch Casey...he is a fantastic player!
I got to meet Kerri's Mom...Loved her!!!
Already feeling inspired...and it is only day ONE!
I had an unexpected God moment...Thanks Carol for hanging out with me and for allowing me to share the delights of the day! Always nice to make a new friend! 
I finished the day with a walk on the beach....and a nice, healthy dinner!
Again. Kerri is so incredibly kind with an amazing blessed that God has seen to it that I have this opportunity!
Big day tomorrow....more fun, laughs, inspiration and kick ass VOLLEYBALL to come!
Here are a few pics.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

An Uprising of Prayer

Tomorrow is the big day! Leaving bright and early...back to Cali...back for a booster shot of inspiration!

My post tonight was going to be about how excited I anticipation! The next amazing step on this Journey...however things changed.

As I was driving home from the gym,  I called Donna to say Adios and check in with her...typically a daily thing. She shares with that she is on her way to the hospital to be with her family...You see...Donna's 30 year old niece has been bravely battling Cancer...and quite frankly. ..kicking Cancer's ass! Tonight cancer is pushing back...and the fight is back on.

I stopped by the house to check in with Emily...give her a few kisses and see how she was dealing with the news. Ironically,  tomorrow is "Pink It Out" day at outward day of support for those fighting and surviving cancer. My girl had created a t-shirt that in bold letters asked for prayers for her cousin.

Life is precious!  Every single moment!  The painful moments. ..the joyful moments. All are invaluable!

So tonight's post is a request for an uprising of prayers...A wave of the Peace and Healing and for my friend, her family, her niece and great nephew...God's comforting Love.

Goodnight my are all in my heart!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Gypsy Wakes Up!

Hello and the happiest of Hump Days to you!!! 

Well...I am getting very less than 48 hours I will be in sunny California...watching the absolutely incredible Kerri Walsh play some kick ass beach volleyball in person!!!  I will be basking in the beauty of the Pacific Coast. I will be seeking some renewed inspiration and hoping to glean some serious knowledge from Kerri's trainer on Monday! 

Seriously...I am hoping to take this 4 day trip...enjoy it...see the blessings in the opportunity and get in a few good beach workouts...

I need this trip...I need this opportunity to seek something new...I need the change of scenery...and I need the experience of seeing my initial inspiration in action!  :)

I think I said previously that there were a lot of reasons NOT to take this know...Life stuff.  But there were also some pretty compelling reasons to take the trip.  To just take a leap of faith!

This entire process is a leap of Faith...and I have discovered something about myself..I need to shake things up from time to time...I have a little bit of a gypsy heart...I like the idea that there is something different and exciting in my future...I like to (though with a little angst)  stretch outside my comfort zone and try something different. 

When I sang professionally...I had a group of favorite songs that I LOVED to sing...This one...spoke to was an "anthem" of sorts for me...Strangely...I rarely got to sing it live...BUT...It was always a song that I would sing...anywhere...anytime...for anybody!!!  Plus...It is sung by one of my idols...Bonnie Raitt!!!

It speaks to my "bit of a gypsy heart"...and some may speaks to why I have never married...LOL!!!!

The Road is My Middle Name I plan this trip and think of this "mission"...I have been singing this song in my head for the past few days...LOL!!!  What is hilarious to that my "bit of a gypsy heart...has been dormant for quite some time...NOW...I am feeling a bit of A REVIVAL!!! Lose a few pounds...and the Gypsy wakes up!!! 

I like the way it feels...It is what drove my singing career...that need to do something that seemed impossible...just like losing 120lbs!!!  Nothing is impossible...All Things are possible through Christ who gives me Strength....and with the help of hearty blues lyric from Bonnie Raitt...:)

So...."I hear it call and it Sounds so Sweet and Plain...I got to go BABY...cause the Road is my Middle Name"!!!! 

The adventure lies ahead...One more day of work...and then I am off!!!! 

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Out of the DEEP Blue Sea

So my friend Kristen sent a link to a really great photo blog today...I spent a couple of minutes looking through it and came across the below statement made by one of the photographers "subject"...Something about it struck me in the gut...So I am posting it here.  The idea behind the below blog belongs to Brandon Stanton...a young man with a wonderful eye for humanity and great artistic skill..the two combined make this blog incredibly compelling.  With over 1 million followers on his Humans of New York blog...a book has been compiled of his photographs and the stories of his subjects...I will be buying it! 

So here is one the quote that struck me!

"If you could give one piece of advice to a large group of people, what would it be?"

"When a wave comes, go deep."

"I think I’m going to need an explanation for that one."

"There’s three things you can do when life sends a wave at you. You can run from it, but then it’s going to catch up and knock you down. You can also fall back on your ego and try to stand your ground, but then it’s still going to clobber you. Or you can use it as an opportunity to go deep, and transform yourself to match the circumstances. And that’s how you get through the wave.”

I really loved this idea today...

There would have been a time in my life that I would have thought that the best way to face a "Wave" would have been Head On...or High Tail It...with my generally personality...HEAD ON...would have probably been my 1st choice...or better said, the choice I THOUGHT I should make!!

Again...the idea of taking a show my show that I will not be broken...facing the crash of The Wave...balls to the wall!!! (sorry)... Reality is...some of those traits in and of themselves are not bad traits to have..however, when combined with stubbornness or pride..anger or resentment..they can be more destructive than the Wave I face! 

Many times in the past when I thought about taking on the challenge of taking my life back from poor health...when I thought about losing weight as a means to improve my life...I did so with a resentful angry, victimized frame of mind.  I resented having the "problems"...being sick...being "fluffy"...being told that I HAD to change in order to LIVE!!!  In my mind...I did not choose to be ill OR why was the burden on me to change it!!  That is the plain old ugly truth. 

It, quite frankly, pissed me off!  Numerous Dr's looked me in the eye..said, " may be sick...but if you were not would be easier...REALLY??? 

I had Dr.'s make assessments of who I was because I was fat...I even had a Dr. tell me that it was because I was lazy...and heavily insinuate that "thin people" are "smart people" and that "fat people" lack a certain level of intelligence...I will refrain from sharing what my response was to that...but those of you that know me well can probably use your imagination.

I developed a posture of walking into a Dr.'s office and literally rushing to say it first...the "Obese" word...taking that off the table and making an attempt to address what the health issues were at the time...It was a big UGLY WAVE...a cycle of WAVES that came crashing down on me with me.. bowing up and fighting without knowledge of what it was exactly I was fighting for....

But here is the deal...I had to take a different approach in facing this particular WAVE...This reality that my health was body was being ravaged by extra weight and it did not matter what others thought...It mattered what I knew.  I was and am TIRED of being ILL and thank God...and I do mean Thank GOD...that I had the opportunity for Divine Inspiration that came in a way that I could relate a form that I could hear and embrace!!! Even though logically it did not make much sense...for me it was perfect.

So...HOW am I facing this Life WAVE?  By going DEEP...some days deeper than others...:)

A Deep Transformation...A Deep gradual Acceptance...A Deep renewal of Faith...A Deep Love for this Journey...

I am learning to take the things I already know about myself..believe to be true and go a little deeper each day...I am learning to take Love into consideration when I evaluate my own progress and be willing to love my Journey...with each Wave that passes!

I am learning that TRANSFORMATION TAKES TIME...that instead of fighting my circumstances...resenting them with all my might...I can in fact, change them...or at the very minimum make the decision to transform who I am while I face those circumstances. 

It still requires toughness, strength, courage...but it also requires forgiveness, love, compassion, patience and persistence.  It requires that I deeply love, deeply share, deeply believe in this Journey that I am on and not doubt for a minute that I can do IT...

It requires a deeper honesty, a deeper understanding and a deeper appreciation about who I am and the blessings I have all around me.  It requires that I take deeper risks...It requires that I make a deeper commitment to my own well being so that I can be a better me.

It requires traveling Deep under the wave..through the wave and taking all the things the Wave is supposed to teach me...Each wave has a blessing...God sees to that!!!

Deep enough??? LOL!!

Lastly...Inspiration is a sneaky, beautiful thing...It can come in a word...a picture, a smile, a hug, a majestic mountain...or from a sweet ray of Sunshine...Six Feet of It!!!!  OR Out of the DEEP Blue Sea!!!!

PLEASE check out this amazing blog of wonderful photos....and thanks Kristen for sharing!!!

Monday, October 14, 2013

A Hunger

Hunger...A word that takes on several meanings for me:  So...Just to be clear...I again, am turning to Websters for the actual definition(s) for the word.  Here is how Webster's defines it:

a: a craving or urgent need for food or a specific nutrient
b: an uneasy sensation occasioned by the lack of food
c: a weakened condition brought about by prolonged lack of food
: a strong desire : craving<a hunger for success>
A couple of Sunday's ago...One of our ministers preached about one of the Beatitudes...Specifically...the following...
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied" Matthew 5:6
The sermon made me think about the word HUNGER in context to my Journey. 
Of course...I immediately associated it with Food!!! Duh!!!  Given that I struggle with an addiction to food...there are many times that I have what I would deem as "False Hunger"...a sensation of feeling like I need food to fill an emptiness...a void.  As most of you that have bravely kept up with my Journey so far know...I battle this kind of Hunger frequently. 
As I listened to the sermon...It occurred to me that I do not know real hunger in the physical sense...I have never had to go without food for long periods...or not have enough food to meet my physical needs.  Sure...I have felt..."Hungry"...before...but I have never had a true Hunger for food!
As I read the above definition I realized that Definition #2....A STRONG the context in which I often experience Hunger. 
In some ways..the word Hunger has a negative connotation for me...It represents the absence of something that I think I need...that I crave!  The negative part is that at times, what I crave and how I choose to meet those needs.  As I take this of the biggest lessons for me to learn and experience is how to manage unhealthy unhealthy Hunger (False Hunger)...most of these unhealthy things come in the form of food for me...Not all...but most!  So this last year+ has been about learning to distinguish between the False Hunger and determine if what I am craving is reality or just a mask for what I really need.
It is challenging!  My entire life food has been a cure all...A soother of pain, a reward for good deeds, a distraction from stress, an escape, a form of Ace in the Hole!  If all else fails...EAT!!!
It is an uncomfortable truth for most of you know...and purging that here (regularly) feels like a slow healing process from something that I am embarrassed by...a weakness, a character flaw! 
BUT..there is good news for me...I think it is working...The healing process that is...
It is still a battle AND I am acutely aware that there have been several not so subtle God "notes" for me lately that insist that I embrace the idea of "loving" myself through this process. 
I made a recent proclamation that I wanted to be a "Champion of Love"...but I never mentioned "loving" myself.  That is probably not too surprising...though I can at times, be confident in who I am and what I stand for...there is that critical part..that voice that is arrogant to proclaim a love for myself...a selfishness....
I am learning the distinction between a selfish love and a healthy self respect..and I think that it is no coincidence that God has seen fit to place others in my life that DO have an understanding of the importance of having a healthy love for oneself...those that understand that by believing in who we are as individuals and loving who we are allows us to be better people.  It opens our hearts...clears the way for a healthy, successful life. 
I am learning that self love...does not mean self promotion...or self righteousness...I am learning that by clearing the negativity out of my life (my head) that I open the door to truly grasping the kind of Love I want to Champion...the purity of the Love that I receive from God. 
I am learning by accepting who I am is honoring of who God wants me to be...How He wants me to thrive and how He wants me to live. 
Quieting that negative voice in my head will be my toughest battle...It will be the most difficult "Fig Leaf" to shed...But I AM LEARNING...and most importantly, I am Willing to Learn...Willing to put that in writing...:)
So back to Hunger...
As this Journey prayers is that my False Hunger diminishes and that my Hunger instead turns to a Hunger for ALL that God Promises.  I want to Crave that kind of Love...even for myself.  I Hunger for that kind of Victory...
The below quote was a part of that same sermon that started all of the above thoughts...I loved it and wanted to share it with all of you!

"You are blessed when you work up a good appetite for God.  His Food and His Strength is the best meal you will ever eat."  ~Eugene Peterson



Sunday, October 13, 2013

Perfectly Divine

Happy Rainy least that is the case here in Houston!

Nice day to sleep in...But...I did not!  Started the day with church...followed by a quick lunch...a little light housework and then off to the Y-M-C-A!

Got in another pretty good workout...trying to do more weight lifting work...followed by some cardio.  I have been working out in what I call the "big boy gym" know...the place where the muscles have muscles! A typically "flab free zone"...until now!  MOVE OVER BOYS...Make room for FLUFFY!

It is a little awkward for me...but what the only live once! I am just trying to work with and work OFF what I got!

Now...I am having my "reflection" time...Time to prepare my heart, mind and body for the week ahead!

Big week ahead...I leave for Cali early Friday morning....Excited mostly...nervous a little!  Am sure it will be another amazing experience!

My focus this week is working on me from the inside out...believing in my own heart. Knowing that I while I may be imperfect...I am a loved child of God. I will focus on reaching beyond the critical voice in my head to hear the Voice Of Truth...God's truth. 

Literally as I sit here writing this...I received the following from Kerri:

"You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world" ~Lucille Ball

As I received it...I thought about how much I love God's timing...about how  blessed I am to be growing a friendship with someone like Kerri Lee Walsh Jennings and about how much I Love Lucy...always have! Perfectly Divine in an imperfect world!

I feel good about this week! I hope your week is Perfectly Divine as well!

By the way...The Jennings family represented the U.S.A. in glorious fashion...Casey and Phil won the Silver in Brazil. ..while Kerri and April brought home the Gold...AWESOMENESS!

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Fluff Busting Beast

Happy late Saturday. EARLY Sunday! 

It has been an action packed day filled with lots of fluff busting and butt kickin'.

First, I completed a tough workout...a real doozie.. kettle bell squats...lunges...shoulders...deadlifts...chest press and Lat pulls! THEN...some light cardio! I WAS A FLUFF BUSTIN BEAST!

Secondly, it was a banner sports day! My Texas Longhorns whooped up some Sooners AND...tomorrow. ..Kerri and her husband Casey will BOTH be going for Gold tomorrow in Sao Paulo!  Go U.S.A.!!!

Lastly...I spent the rest of the day getting ready for and fully partcipating in Emily's 13th Birthday Party!  She and I shopped for the perfect balloons...picked up pizza and even squeezed in a Starbucks trip!

Party was great....I spent the rest of the night "runnin" with a pack of teens/ induced chaos...FUN!

However. ...I am now suffering from a bad case of Gluteous Drageous!  In other words....My Ass is Draggin'

Great Day...Another day of great blessings...lots of love and fluff busting!

This Fluffy Girl is done for tonight.  


Friday, October 11, 2013

13 Lucky Years

Hi There....A Big...Busy Day in my little corner of the world!

Today...13 years ago...a sweet, little baby girl was born to my best friend and her husband and I had the honor of being there and holding that baby girl moments after she was born...It was love at 1st sight!

Since that moment...I have been Aunt Jaime...proudly! An amazing blessing....a funny, lovable, precious little human!  The Divine Ms Em continues to bless my life daily!  13 Lucky years of blessings!

So Mom and I were up early to take Emily a birthday cupcake and flowers to start her day...before school!  The celebration continued tonight and we will crank up the party again tomorrow!! That is how we ROLL!

In between all of that, I worked, coached volleyball, shopped, and spent 2.5 hours in H-town traffic! But you know what...It was a good day!

Another day filled with opportunities to truly see all of God's blessings both large and small!

I am truly blessed!

Congratulations to both Kerri and Casey as they and their teammates....kicked some serious volleyball butt today. They deserve every victory...every successful moment....They are Living the Love! Champions!

I will continue on this path tomorrow...Living in the Light!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Not Perfect...But Perfectly Fine

Hello there....he we are again...Joining together in this place...this place where I document my day to day battle of the bulge. daily little setbacks and my steps up...the at times, hormone induced musings of a middle-aged woman.

Our meetings here allow me to share the the ups and downs, the funny moments. ..the scary challenges...the perfect blessings wrapped up in the imperfect me!

Today was another step in this Journey. Not a particularly remarkable day...but another opportunity to conquer the fluff...another opportunity to live in the Light and fight the flab!
Here is the was not perfect but it was perfectly fine.

I am not doing this whole thing perfectly...not even close. The piece that I am working on right now is the balance between good, healthy accountability and my tendency to feel like I am coming up short...or just not doing enough and confessing my shortcomings here. I want this place to be the ONE place I can tell the truth and hope for the vulnerable without feeling like I am writing "Confessions of a Fat Girl".

So I am not feeling perfect today. ..have had a few food struggles and am physically whipped...No...I am definitely not perfect. ..But, I am PERFECTLY FINE!

I am still in this battle...still willing to be willing...still craving good health and still working on shedding my "fig leaves", embracing my imperfections and learning to lighten up!  Literally and Figuratively!

After last night's post about being a Champion of Love...Kerri reminded me how important it is to love ME!   She said it..."makes all the rest possible"

You gotta love her! She is seriously wise and smart as a whip!

Goodnight and here is to another perfectly fine day!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

I Want to Be a Champion

I want to be a Champion! 

Here's how champion is defined in Websters:

: someone or something (such as a team or an animal) that has won a contest or competition especially in sports

: someone who fights or speaks publicly in support of a person, belief, cause, etc.
Now...I do like to win...
When I was a kid I used to tell my my friends that the Queen song..We Are The Champions..was my "power song"...LOL!!! Whatever that meant!  I would play it before I would play in a softball, basketball or volleyball game....
Once (when I was  about 11)...I had a couple of my friends over at my house and I decided to "demonstrate" how powerful the song made me by showing them how high I could jump on my power was on full display alright...because in the midst of my show of bed broke!!!  Yep...that was fun to explain to my Mom and Grandmother...But...clearly the song DID give me powers...I broke a bed frame!!! You gotta give me that!!!
Later, when I played sports competitively, I LOVED to win and HATED to lose...Not a good loser...but was closely monitored by a Mom that insisted that I be both a gracious loser AND a gracious Winner!  I wanted to be the Champion!!! 
As an desire to be a champion admittedly diminished...poor health...stressful jobs...really took the champion out of me!  I still liked to win...but my power...just seemed to slowly dissipate. I sit here...I am clear that I want to be a champion!  I am also clear that my definition of Champion has changed a bit...Oh..I still like to win...I want to win this battle of the fluff...I want to conquer these challenges with complete grace...even when I lose...or in this case...don't lose :)
AND...there are some new dimensions to being a Champion  that have evolved in my "older" age and certainly during this Journey.
I want to be a Champion for the things that I believe in...for the people that I love...For the causes that live in my heart...and I want to be a Champion for my faith! 
I want to be a Champion for I know that may sound a little corny..but bear with me...It can be difficult to Love others during difficult can be difficult to Love our Neighbors...and I can be the biggest offender...But I want to champion the Love cause...I am not saying that we all have to gather around the campfire and sing Kumbaya...but I do think that what this "World needs now is Love Sweet Love".
So what can I do...Let It Begin With Me!  I can be a Champion for the things that will make a difference in my life and trust that God will put me in the right place at the right time to share that with others. 
I have Champions in my life...I have people who live life with Love...with integrity and with a Faith that cannot be rivaled. 
If I do not live by Example...My words have no voice is wasted!
Love can be displayed in the simplest of ways...It does not mean that we have to tell everyone we meet...HEY....I LOVE YOU!!!  Love is actually so impactful in the most unspoken of ways. 
Of course...I am partial to telling my friends and family I love them...even if it feels a little vulnerable.  I want them to know...but...I am aware that words...if not backed up by actions...well..they can be empty and meaningless. 
I want to be a Champion of Action!  I want to keep my body heart giving and my Faith sharing!
Yesterday I sent this to a certain Olympic Champion who embodies Living Love out loud!  I found it on a blog...and do not know the author...but I loved it....Again...I know lots of great Champions...I am sharing this with you!
For old times sake...Here is my Power Song!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Go For the Gratitude

THIRD night in a row...The Fluffy girl is back to defluffing...pushing through the sluggish and pounding it out! Ok..."pounding" may be a slight exaggeration! But I am pushing...working...sweating...YOU KNOW!

My body is resisting...but the fact that in less than two weeks I will be in California meeting someone who trains people with zero percent body motivation enough to keep moving...I will be rolling up in there with my double digit body fat...and I DO mean rollin'!

Lord save us Ms Davis...I am excited, nervous, thrilled and intimidated! But it is ON...I AM turning back!!

I know that will be a great deal to learn from the experience! Another Amazing Blessing!

So I am working on packing less fluff for my trip and traveling with more confidence! 

I was at the gym tonight and the below picture hangs in the women's locker room. I needed to be reminded...I can forget Gratitude at times...Not sure how. ..but it happens!

Gratitude builds my faith...strengthens my heart and bolsters my resolve...When I forget Gratitude....I lose momentum!

So my slogan for today...Go For The Gratitude! 

Monday, October 7, 2013

All Buff-No Fluff

Early Blog Monday!!!  It is lunch time and I am taking this Monday in full stride and taking this day as another step in the right direction. 

I am busy at work...and am focusing on staying on my workout plan this week.  I continue to be stalled in the weight loss department however, know that I MUST workout to maintain steady weight is just a fact! 

So...I will be intensely focused on my workouts as I prepare for my trip to California.  This next step is important to me...Important because I need the boost...I need to stay on this path...It means recovering from a sluggish start to the rest of this Journey...or should I say the next part of this Journey...

I have been thinking about how often I talk about "finishing" this Journey...meeting my goal and that representing the END of the Journey...but the truth is...There is no end to the least not while I am breathing...:)

This weight loss a Journey within the Journey.  It is by far one of the most life changing Journeys I have taken...AND by far one of the most rewarding. 

So...I need this Journey to stay on track.  I like this track...even with the all of the challenges and hard work entailed in continuing. 

There are lots of quotes, phrases, words written as encouragement for those of us taking on a big challenge...which ALL of us...We are all on a Journey!  We all have goals, dreams, may not be to lose weight...but we all have life aspirations...for ourselves, our family our career...etc...All big dreams...All important...

Below are a few of those words...written or said by someone else that serve as inspiration or encouragement for me...Today....I want to share a few...some you have seen...some you may have not! 

My Friend Camille sent this to me via text over the weekend...I love the words and I love the fact that she took the time to think of my Journey during her own!

"If your dreams aren't scary, they're not big enough"

One of the gifts of this Journey has been the new people who have become woven into the fabric of this very complicated process...One of those friends sent me this...Made me laugh and reminded me that I have amazing, funny supporters..who keep me sharp! Thank you Karen!

My vital and unbelievable friend Brigette has been an important part of my life Journey for a long time...She sent me this the other day...

"Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years.  If something is wrong, fix it if you can.  But train yourself not to worry.  Worry never fixes anything. "  ~Mary Hemingway


The above has made a blog appearance before...but I love is simple and true!  I have never really been afraid to Work Hard...I don't really mind it.  I come from strong women who have always worked hard!  But...Dreaming Big has always scared me...I have had lots of Big Dreams throughout my life...some I have pursued and accomplished, some I have pursued and have not accomplished and some I dreamed about but never acted on...the Hardest part...Having the Faith that those Dreams and the outcome of those dreams are fully insured in God's Love!!!  The Hard part is that All of my dreams are worth pursuing without knowing if my definition of success will apply or if the success is just in the act of pursuing! 

Dreaming...Having Faith...Worrying...Losing and Succeeding..are all part of my Journey...At times...more times than I like to admit...I am afraid..afraid to fail or look foolish..afraid to make mistakes that could not only impact my journey but the journey of those in my life!!! BUT...This Journey within a about reversing the fear...Overcoming that which keeps me stuck...I continue to be on a Journey to become a LOSER!!!

Before I go...I must share with you a video that my sweet friend Lindsey sent...It is a car commercial..but it is funny...and pertains to those battling the fluff...for those looking to go


Check it out at the link below!

All Buff No Fluff

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Is Life Not More Than Food?

Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

The above scripture is from the book of Matthew and certainly poses an interesting question. 

I think that if I truthfully answered that question...there would be times in my life when I would have had to really think about the answer....At times for me...Food and Life were interchangeable terms!  Food made life more bearable and certainly more entertaining...for much of my life.  And at times...when I really make the effort to minimize  the importance of food...I would honestly have to answer that life felt a little empty.

I  would imagine for  people that do not have significant food issues..the above may sound really pitiful...and truthfully....I guess it would not be an unfair judgement...But it certainly has been my truth over the years. 

So...reversing that mindset has been and is one of my biggest challenges..Over the last year...I have slowly begun to reframe my dependency on food...have worked to be mindful of why I I hungry?  Or am  I stressed, sad, in pain, overwhelmed....etc....

Those questions can be difficult to answer when I am in the middle of life as I know it...BUT...I continue to be willing to look at my motivation for eating...discern the reasons I crave food...and make a commitment to work through the emotional facets of my eating...hoping to decrease the number of times I stumble  to the refrigerator looking for a solution to a problem instead of nourishment for my body! 

I am a work in progress...Is not life more than food....Today my answer would be Yes...Life is way more than least the kind that you buy, prepare, chew, swallow...etc...

Food is essential to daily life....but there are other important facets of Life that need to be "fed"...and fed with something other than food.  I am learning that the peace of mind that being healthy more satisfying than any delectable morsel of food.  I know that being loved by another human being feeds me on a level that no calorie loaded treat could ever provide!

I know that filling my life with the all that God intended for me...will fill my emptiness quicker than any sweet treat or favorite food.

I just have to fully put what I know into my daily life...Practice it...Believe It...Breathe It and Live It!

So as I face a few physical challenges...I will Practice what I know...I will do my best to overcome the idea that Food and Life are interchangeable terms and instead come to live the idea that Life and specifically Living Life in the Light of God...will feed my heart and my soul, will soothe any pain and conquer all obstacles. 

So...I pushed through the physical obstacle today...I managed a 10 mile bike ride..cleaned house....shopped...did laundry...played a little volleyball with my soon to be 13 year old niece and even helped out with a little 7th grade grammar!  It was a good day...A day to be grateful and a day to remember that Life Is More than Food! 

Here is to a great week filled with lots of healthy living! 

Love to you all!  Jaime

Saturday, October 5, 2013

A Step in the Right Direction

Today has been a nice day....Mom felt pretty dang good...Good enough to go to our favorite Fall festival and play BINGO!

We play Bingo once a year at the St. Ignatius Loyola Catholic Fall Festival...Always kicks off my favorite time of the year...Happy Fall Ya'll!!!

So...I did my first full workout today...the 1st full workout in a couple of weeks...I did a 7 mile bike ride, did a kettlebell workout, lunges, dead lifts, and a few other things...It was challenging but I completed the workout!  A small back in the saddle hurdle cleared.

Most of you know that I have a chronic immune disease that has been remarkably manageable over the past year. Really a miracle that I have been in a kind of remission for a while.   Unfortunately,  it appears that my "remission" has sort of ended...I have been experiencing some symptoms of late that are typical of the illness! is what is great...I completed a full workout today! Though I am not feeling my best...I DID it...I overcame a roadblock!  That makes for a good day!

So...I will be praying daily for the strength to be a daily smartly manage my energy and stay on this trajectory to better health.

Actually.  I think this disease can be part of my past and NOT in my future. I will have to push through...walk over...knock down and overcome any obstacles I may face!
Today was a step in the right direction!

Prayers please!  I will need them!

Sweet dreams! JLP

Friday, October 4, 2013

Leading with my Gut!

Happy Friday...Busy Volleyball game tonight!
My Spiker girls lost but played MUCH better! We will get em next time!

Mom is home. ..resting and feeling better today.. still a little tired. you all know.  My motivation has been underwhelming as of late! I have a 5K coming up in November as a mini goal!  But as of today...I booked a trip to Huntington Beach, CA to see the AVP Beach VB Championships and to see Kerri play! AND on Monday, October 21st...I will be meeting Kerri's trainer.  I am hoping that I will have the opportunity to learn some new ways to navigate this Journey and I am hoping that the experience will provide a much-needed motivational boost! 
Honestly.  Once I made the adrenaline shot through the roof! I thought OMG, IN LESS THAN 3 WEEKS...I will be meeting with a man who trains world class athletes...Wait til he gets a load of me!! Do you think it is possible to lose 60lbs in 2.5 weeks? Hell to the no!

So...I am excited AND a little intimidated!  but I will say this...this entire Journey has been about stepping outside of my comfort zone!  It has been about being willing to be willing!
I can tell you this...I don't like how I feel right old comfort zone is not so comfortable anymore!

I am willing to step back into this Journey....even the discomfort of new experiences. ..of rolling my fluffy self to Cali...flying solo and sharing this Journey with another new group of people!

There were quite a few good reasons NOT to take this trip...but my gut (no pun intended) said GO! my Mom and several friends encouraged me to take this trip! My sweet friend Camille said this to me:

"YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK….this is this juice – the injection – the shot in the arm you need right now.  Imagine how much that will inspire you!"

I need a shot in the arm!

So I am leading with my gut...Going for the gusto...and am trusting this trip is just one more amazing God gift!

I continue to have amazing support from an amazing group of people that God has quite strategically placed in my life.

AGAIN...I am Blessed! 

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Lived to Tell About It

TONE TONE IS HOME!  Home Sweet Home!

She is quite tired but quite happy to be unhooked, unplugged, unencumbered by any medical machinery!

Got her home this evening and got her settled then I headed out for a bike ride...I have not worked out in 2+ weeks...and boy could I tell...

I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest! Seriously. ..I thought Holy Toledo...I am going to drop dead!

But...I survived.   WHY is it that it takes so long to get in shape....but so little time to get "out of shape"?...Why is that?

Anyway. ..the good news. ..I worked out and Lived to tell about it!

Now....I am ready to turn off my brain. ..and get some rest...

Goodnight and thank you all for your continued prayers!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Hang On...Hang In...Hold Tight is late...another day at in the hospital for my Mama!  She is a little better today and her numbers are improving...but she still has a little further to go before she gets to come home! 

Two things came to mind today...Why do days seem so much longer in the hospital and why is the food in the hospital cafeteria so unhealthy...really! 

I was at the hospital for 8 hours today...and I  felt like I had been awake for 24 hours...AND the cafeteria food consisted of stuff like fried chicken breasts...hamburgers with bacon...sandwiches, pizza and one "healthy food bar" which was serving fish that looked like it had been frozen since the mid 1990's...I guess because it was was healthy! 

Wacky...I made a not so well received joke that the cafeteria food was designed to keep the cardiac wing of the hospital busy....

Regardless...Tone Tone and I made it through the day. 

Thanks to ALL of you for your well wishes for her and for say prayers for me as well!  I greatly appreciate all of the support.

I was having an email conversation with a friend today and she said the following to me...She said..

Hang On...Hang In and Hold Tight to the things that are great in  your life....Thanks C....I will work on this!!! 

Love and Goodnight to all!


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Wanting to be Fortified in Good Health

Hello...I am sitting in the hospital with my Mom...not an unfamiliar place for her...for either one of us.

I have a love/hate relationship with hospitals!  They have saved my Mom's life...and mine...and they bring up a whole world of not so great memories.  

I am grateful to be here today. ..knowing that my Mom needs a high level of care and is getting that care in this hospital.   I just could do without the antiseptic odor that permeates my senses and triggers lots of unpleasant memories.

I am a bit of a wingnut...I can barely walk into a hospital without getting completely least for a moment...I recover...but hate it!

Moments like this remind me why I am willing to take this road...this Journey. ..even when it is hard...I want to live healthy...I want any memories of being hospitalzed to be nothing more than a vague, foggy haze.
I want to be strong, courageous and fortified in good health so that I can be a strong, kick ass caretaker for my Mom!

This Journey has always been about being a better human being...being someone who's faith is stronger than any unhealthy vice...

You know...I am struggling.  I feel comfortable saying that this is the most I have struggled from the very beginning.  But...I am clear that the alternative...the old a path to nowhere.


So again...I trust that this day has served a purpose. ..even amid the struggles.

For my Mom...I am praying for her comfort and healing!  Her faith is like steel! Her Kidneys...well...they need some help!!

Thank you to my friends and family for your support! Thanks to all of you who have answered my request for prayers.  I believe prayer is most powerful. ..therefore,  I ask for your continued prayers!

Thanks to Aunt Charlotte, Brig, Donna, Aunt Lois, Nettie for checking in with us...and thanks to Kerri for sharing your precious Scout...who got the biggest smile of the day!

A special thanks to all of Facebook pals for all of the prayers and comments. ..I have read each one to Mom! Love!

Here is my sweet Mama...finally resting!
She will probably kill me for taking a pic of her while in the hospital!!!

Love and hugs to u all!