Monday, June 15, 2015

An Inside Job

Hello to all...I came across this quote a few days ago...even posted it on Facebook...but decided that I had a few things to say about it.

For anyone that knows me well...or for those of you that are kind enough to take time to read this know that I have experienced some significant changes over the past 3 years and that those changes have not always been so easy for me to "get". 

I won't lie...there have been many times over that past 3 years that "running away" from some of the more unexpected changes has seemed like a really viable option. 

I use the word "overwhelmed" describe what for me feels like a deluge of feelings...none of which I can succinctly describe "overwhelm" becomes the catch-all word.

As I have shared...over the past several months I have experienced some significant change...on almost every front of my life....some harder to manage than others and ALL have felt overwhelming.

As I face the challenging emotional growth from some of these changes, I am continually reminded that though my own very personal, but somewhat public, weight loss journey started as a journey to "repair" my physical appearance, it more importantly became (pretty damn quickly) about repairing my insides. It became apparent very early on that this Journey was going to be an Inside Job!

Given that every one's experience is different, I am sure one could read/watch any number of posts/articles/videos, etc about tackling weight loss and quickly determine that each person experiences this kind of change differently...that each person takes on the challenge with their own unique perspective and collection of life's experiences that see them through.

Mine has clearly been about working from the inside...out...despite my protestations!!!

No matter how hard I may try...I can't run from that!  No matter how uncomfortable, embarrassing, time-consuming and ultimately, revealing that truth may be...It is my Divine path...without always feeling so divine!

My only way out of this challenge is through matter how messy it may seem or is or will be...Straight through the muck..."The ONLY way OUT is IN".

Today...I find myself fighting this reality a bit.  This requires that all too difficult thing called vulnerability.  I don't like it...but can acknowledge that there are moments when I know that my willingness to be vulnerable has brought me to a new level of courage. But for me...the hallway between that door from vulnerability to the door that leads to courage can feel dark, scary as hell and quite lonely.  It has and will again, leave me dependent on the faith of others and on my own experiential blind faith.  That faith that I know exists because of the blessings I have experienced when I did not believe that Blessing would come!

So...I keep moving through it....hoping that I don't look as clumsy on the outside as I feel on the inside!  Hoping that by acting as if I am courageous, I will become courageous! 

I think the keys to my success lie in the following...

  • Living intentionally
  • Praying daily that I am walking in God's will and not in nasty insecurity and fear
  • Taking risks that might feel scary and exposing but that in the end, lead to courage
  • Taking time each day to step out of my "self" and be available to others
  • Daily practicing trust...that I have all I need...the faith I need...the support I need... to take daily steps in the right direction.
  • Staying true to the course even on those days when I am feeling defeated, optional, destructible, invisible or just plain ole pitiful!
  • Believing EVERY day that I am  courageous, deserving, faithful, worthy and fearless enough to walk-the-walk and talk-the-talk!
  • Lastly, BE IN ACTION.... LIVE as a priority.
Here's what I know...Change is in fact, necessary, and some might even offer up good.  I am a reluctant "changer" but can now, after so much change, acknowledge the "good"...even the better.  I still though, have changes to experience...and being the flawed human I am...have my reservations!

I am refocused on losing weight...have lost 12lbs in the last few weeks thank to the Standard Process 21 day detox and my body continues to heal after some of the 2014/2015 physical challenges.

I am aware that I am missing having a "mini-goal" to train am considering setting a physical goal for myself for the Fall of 2015...And am open to suggestions!!!  Something that physically pushes me, gives me something to reach for and preferably does not kill me!

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