So I was riding in the car with my 13 year old niece Emily last night (after volleyball practice)...and she says to me...(in her own words)...When I play volleyball mad..I can hit harder...but I don't seem to play better and I usually just want to quit.
Honestly...she was spending a few minutes "venting" about some issues she has with our team...I was driving home...beyond exhausted on every level, listening the best I could and giving my best "I see" and "Uh huh" and "that makes sense" kind of answers....Not really dialed into the degree of intensity she was sharing.
My own brain was filled with a million thoughts...prognostications...stresses...worries. I knew as she talked that she was venting AND letting me (the coach) know that in her opinion, there were some issues that need to be addressed!
She let me know (in her own way) that it made her angry when people made judgments about her or underestimated her and others on the team. It made her mad...and as much as she would like for that anger to be motivation...instead...it sucked the life out of her.
So I listened...giving brief...exhausted responses...and thinking very little about the content of what she was saying...
Fast forward to this morning...when I...in all of my wisdom and "agedness"...realized that I too...can hit harder when I am angry...but don't seem to "play" better and almost always want to quit...for the very same reasons!
I have been given an opportunity...or at least I am trying to frame it that way......to face other's judgments and underestimation of who I am and what I can be and honestly...I am mad!
And because of that anger...I am taking my best swings...but not having much success...Of course, I am not talking about volleyball!
I once had a coach who told me that if I took the anger I had and turned it into motivation..turned it into "fire"...that I could use it to my advantage...I could use it to be successful.
That has not been my approach...and honestly...I am tired and have certainly been challenged by thoughts of quitting... in several areas of my life.
But TODAY...something shifted for me. I am feeling the fire...I am almost feeling cocky!! Today I have the opportunity to take other's underestimation of what I can do...of who I am and I can build on that...I feel MOTIVATED!!!
Truthfully...I am not a big..."Let anger be your motivator" kind of girl. I would much rather be motivated from a place of positive inspiration...
BUT...if anger is there and I am living with it...If I have a choice between letting it deplete me or motivate me...Why Not use it my advantage! Why not re-frame from weak to powerful...from ugly to drop dead fabulous!!!
So...as I faced underestimation today...as I felt a surge of anger...I suddenly realized that I do have a bit of "fire" in me...and I had the thought very similar to this:
Here is the deal...I don't promote being angry!
I don't think it wise for me to live from a place of anger.
However, I don't think it wise that I, when faced with a challenge to firmly stand by who I am and what I am capable of...even when it is interrupted by anger...not "use" that as a spark to that fire that keeps me going.
So my opportunity...is in fact, to rise above the anger...use it only as a way to elevate my Journey.
It is all about the Journey...and ultimately...all about how I choose to live in tandem with God's Grand Plan!
So for today...This Girl is on Fire! (yes...and intended musical reference)
I am not life's runner up...I am not just another option! God assures me of that!