Friday, May 9, 2014

Pacing the Cage

This may be one of those posts that leave both you and I scratching our heads about the heck it is I am talking about...All I can say is that I was driving home last night from work...listening to a Spotify play list and the below song came on.

Like I have said many times...sometimes music is the perfect conduit for feelings...some I did not even know I had. 

Music can speak to me in a different language than just words and when it in this case, I feel compelled to share. 

Pacing the Cage-Bruce Cockburn

Here is one thing I and lyrics are wonderfully open to interpretation.  I am pretty sure that when Mr. Cockburn wrote this song...he was writing about a larger global meaning probably intermingled with his life...his own meaning.

I am further sure he was not writing about a fluffy girl's view of her weight loss/life journey.  Of THAT, I am completely confident.

As I listened to this song...the lyric "Pacing the Cage" really struck me. 

There have been many different "pacing the cage" stages for me on this Journey.  Firstly, I think for me the "cage" represents the limitations of my life...typically self-imposed...some societally imposed...some imagined...but all feel very real. 

Being overweight is a cage...It is a limitation.   For me, it is also protection...from risk, from change...from others. Not necessarily consciously...but truthfully.

I am finding that as I shed the pounds...I find freedom and discomfort...a juxtaposition of who I have been and who I am becoming.  I find myself pacing within the limits of the cage...traveling between the two. 

As I read the lyrics of the song...there were several lines that rung true for me in context to this Journey...

Certainly on my sickest days...I felt like I had lived too long...and the days seem to creep by in a perpetual state of sluggish.  On those days, pacing was not even an option.  On those days I often put on a fa├žade so that I could survive in the busy world around me.

As this Journey began...the inspiration I felt stirred a deeper, unbelievable desire in my lose my gut...and I began to mentally pace the cage I felt that I was trapped in...the pacing was was was different. 

So as this Journey has progressed the "pacing" has become more about letting go of my old habits and transitioning to a new a "new me".  Of course...that is a good thing.  AND...within that transition comes things that strangely can be overwhelming...too new to understand. 

As this Journey progressed from just about losing weight to all about gaining a better life...the pacing continues...I find myself constantly pushing the limits of the "cage".  Like I said earlier...the limitations placed on our lives can also be comforting and I believe, limitations within reason, protect us from the not so great stuff in life.

And for me...change brings discomfort...growing a new painful and wonderfully invigorating all at the same time. 

I love one particular verse of this song. It really speaks to finding my way along this Journey.

Sometimes the best map will not guide you

You can't see what's round the bend

Sometimes the road leads through dark places

Sometimes the darkness is your friend

So it is in this Darkness that I find having a relationship with God is essential. For is in this Darkness that I find the Light of God.  That makes the darkness my friend. 

Though this all may be overly introspective for the reader...for me...this is a great message to get as I continue to pace the cage that exists in the form of my fluffiness. 

This song...and the way it touched me..provided me with a good Change of Pace.

Pacing The Cage

Sunset is an angel weeping
Holding out a bloody sword
No matter how I squint I cannot
Make out what it's pointing toward
Sometimes you feel like you've lived too long
Days drip slowly on the page
And you catch yourself
Pacing the cage
I've proven who I am so many times
The magnetic strip's worn thin
And each time I was someone else
And everyone was taken in
Powers chatter in high places
Stir up eddies in the dust of rage
Set me to pacing the cage
I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing
It's as if the thing were written
In the constitution of the age
Sooner or later you'll wind up
Pacing the cage
Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend
Today these eyes scan bleached-out land
For the coming of the outbound stage

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