The Day that I post my 2014 Starting Point!
My head is swirling with thoughts that I would like to write here...but One sentence keeps coming to the forefront.
Far from where I want to be...But farther from where I was!
So just like any part of this Journey...I am excited and I am afraid.
I have read lots of interviews, articles, biographies of people who have obtained high levels of achievement...be it in sports, business, entertainment....they all seem to have a few things in common. Each credit people in their young life that impacted their success and who they are...many have overcome some significant challenge that represented a turning point in their own Journey...and many talk about Fear...overcoming it...not having it...being motivated by it, etc...
Fear is one of my biggest obstacles. Fear of failure...Fear of embarrassment...Fear of Pain...Fear of Fear!!!!!
Though it does not paralyze me or keep from moving forward most days...It does take up a bunch of space in my brain! You regular readers know what I mean!!
If you could do a search through all of my 519 posts (520 with this one)...I am betting that Fear is one of the top 5 words I use in my posts...
It is something I battle everyday...on some level. I don't mean that I am consistently horrified at every tick of the clock...but I know that many of my days are impacted by anything from nervousness (fear)...worry (fear)...or just plain ole unadulterated horror (exaggeration).
It is one of my biggest challenges as I work to accomplish this goal.
So...as you might have guessed by now...One way that I am hoping to combat fear is by staying in ACTION...the kind of action that I have spoken of recently.
This week...I am trying to keep my focus on positive, forward-moving actions.
After my "break" for the holidays, I am painfully aware that working out is harder than it was before my break which of course..prompted a fearful response from me...
- So to combat the shame/fear I have had for falling off the workout wagon...I have to start where I am! I am walking...increasing workouts when I can...but most importantly I am Moving!
Of course...I have tremendous angst about my battle with food...eating right...eating the right amounts...managing cravings...etc...
- So...I am starting where I am...I have chosen to slowly cut out the bad...add back in the good and have given myself space these last few weeks to prepare for starting the "cleanse" on January 20th.
Strangely, one of my biggest challenges is getting rest...consistent rest. I am good at running like a mad woman and then crashing...trying to recover in a short period of time...only to start the cycle again...
- So I am starting where I am...a night owl...activity junkie...who REQUIRES rest and consistent rest at that!! So I am staying in Action by going to bed earlier (simple enough)...only I suck at going to bed and I suck at getting up!!! And...I am doing it...not perfectly...but doing it!
There is another piece for me...a prevailing theme in this Journey. That, of course, is Faith...having it, living it and doing that consistently!
- So for 2014....I am starting where I am! Flawed, Fluffy and Fearful...but Healthier...Hopeful and Happier!
So...as I post my "new" Progress Tracker 2014, I have fear...in the form of embarrassment and some disappointment in myself and I am horrified at disappointing those that inspired this Journey, support this Journey and Believe in ME!! Here is what I decided...even as I write this post.
This blog is about a real weight loss Journey...and it is even more complicated by the fact that it is MY weight loss Journey...I knew from Day One that this blog would not be just about cool recipes, workout plans and my beloved favorite quotes...
No, it would be packed with all of the details...all the gore about those things that make me fluffy...the realizations of those things that have kept me sick...the at times, repetitive...maybe even mundane details of the truly DAILY journey...
I don't know about you...but Daily Anything is a Lot of Something!!
But I must say...along with all of the imperfections I bring daily to the table...Every day since August 2012 has been a lesson in Faith and even with all the fear/drama I can muster...This daily Journey continues to be Blessed.
I know that...even amidst the blasted Fear!!!
I know that God is driving this ride I am on and I know that God is willing to take every ounce of my fear if I will just Let Go...
So I am starting where I am! Funny enough...Still inspired by the very same things/people that started this Journey...but oh so amazed at how inspiration continues to manifest itself in SO many different ways!
I could, everyday, write down ALL of the things I think I should say and feel. I could purport that this Journey is a virtual Merry Go Round of success...Instead...I think it is important for me to be honest.
This Journey has been successful and imperfect. This Journey is still a Roller Coaster...filled with Ups, Downs...Laughs...Screams...Tears and Joy! If I had been given a choice...pick the Roller Coaster...or pick the Merry Go Round...I would pick the Coaster...Merry Go Rounds are boring and make me dizzy! :)
I was inspired in a great way and I want to finish this part of my Journey honoring those that have supported, inspired, tolerated, laughed and even cried with me as I take this Journey...But again...being Honest (also in the top five words I use in this blog)...I want to complete this Journey for ME...I want to know what it feels like to Win This Battle!!!
It will be my Gold Medal Victory...I may even stand on a Podium and Sing the National Anthem...It will have to be a big podium though...Enough room for all... EVERYONE on this fluffy girl's team!!!
So here we go...Let the weight loss commence!!!