"Never let em see you sweat!"
I don't know if you guys are familiar with that slogan...I think it was a deodorant ad campaign back in the day.
But it has a different meaning for me...
I have been thinking about how I have been feeling in the last few days...you know...exposed, vulnerable...a little too seen and a little too heard...kinda of like being naked in public...without the horror and the possibilty of an arrest!!
So...it made me think about a question someone asked me YEARS ago...this person said to me..."what does your weight protect you from? What are you hiding from? Now at the time I was asked that question, I was in my early twenties...and my initial thought was..HUH? I have no idea what you mean and I am thinking I SHOULD be hiding from YOU...CRAZY! Seriously...I thought the question was nuts!
I thought it was a crazy question for quite some time...UNTIL I began to get the answer...the Answer began to slowly enter my mind. Unsolicited. Unwanted and very much Unappreciated.
Now I have to tell you that I will not really be addressing the answer here today...in small part because it is intensely personal but in larger part because I really don't KNOW the whole answer...not yet...or at least not in a way I can verbalize yet!
But here is one thing I am getting...the answer is in this Journey...the problem is that I have to be willing to hear it, accept it and trust it.
Here is where the never letting people see you sweat part comes in...Somewhere along the way I adopted that "slogan" as a way of life.
Don't let people see your weakness...don't let anyone see you sweat!
Over the years, I have been "forced" to break my own rule...to let people see me at my weak moments...it is painful, embarrasing, generally yucky! But I have learned to do it.
Lately...I have been sweating my butt off and everybody knows...everybody is watching...ok...maybe not EVERYBODY...but it feels like it!
Part of the Answer to that crazy question...well it requires that I let others see me sweat ...that much I know...now I just have to Accept the Answer and Trust It....
We are 7 months into this Journey today....there is a lot more sweating to be done!