Saturday, March 16, 2013

Pants on the Ground

Hi...Hope your Saturday has been good.  Mine has been good.  Feeling better today.  After really talking about how I was feeling last night, crying about it (literally) and getting some needed air...I decided to shop!  Yep...retail therapy was in order!  I need pants...finally, my body shape and size is changing enough that my pants (particularly dress pants) are just too dang almost falling on the ground big...Which makes me think of the Instant Classic from American Idol....

Pants on the Ground
Pants on the Ground
Lookin Like a Fool which cha pants on da ground!

OK..I digress...My friend Lindsey told me last week..."Go Buy Some Pants"!!!  So I am feeling lousy but decided to take the risk of trying on clothes with a bad case of low self esteem...could be risky OR could be a boost if the clothes are a size smaller...

So my Mom and I headed to shop...I really had no idea what size to try I just started grabbing smaller sizes...I began the trying on process...I really prayed before I went...hoping that shopping for smaller sized clothing would not advance my case of low self esteem and overexposed emotions...but instead provide a needed boost.  GUESS WHAT...4 pair of pants later (plus 2 shirts as a bonus) I was the proud owner of smaller clothes with dress pants that are 3 sizes smaller than the last pair of pants I purchased!  Not bad for a fluffy girl!!!  Not bad for the Fluffy Girl Blues either! 

It did not backfire!  I could actually see the results right before me...and though I am very aware that I have a long way to go before looking in the mirror is not painful...It hurt a lot less in smaller pants!!! 

As usual..I was provided with an opportunity to see the bright side of this Journey in the midst of a dark moment.  Just as the overwhelm and painful parts of this Journey began grabbing hold...I get a boost..I get to experience a blessing.

As my Mom and I sat at dinner (after shopping), I received a text from a friend. A friend who has had a significant impact on my Journey in a very short period of time...and I have taken risks with being forthright and honest about that impact with her...and that has been a little scary for me.  But last night, she shared something very special with me...something very important to her.  First, the absolute joy of the story itself was uplifting...and secondly, the fact that she chose to share such a special, personal story with me was so touching...amazing really.  I felt honored and I felt the presence of God.   It immediately served as a reminder to me that God is right there...right in the middle of any dark moments or scary turns..right in the middle of my insecurity and fear! 

The roller coaster is represents extremes and I don't like extremes...especially when I see them in the mirror...I wrote this about the whole "roller coaster thing" back in an October post in this blog.  I was talking about my uneasiness with the "ups and downs" of this Journey...I found it interesting that this came from my mouth...considering what I wrote yesterday...Had to share it again.

'But the view from the top of a roller coaster is wonderful and the drops can be so exhilarating!! I have committed to the ride...I think I just need a little pick me up...'

I got my "pick me up" last the form of smaller pants and a special friend and I am Committed to The Ride...even if it gets scary!!!

I felt compelled to post these song lyrics again ( I posted them a month or so ago)...I love them!

I came up, out of the water.
Raised my hands, up to the father
Gave it all to him that day
Felt a new wind kiss my face
Walked away, eyes wide open
Could finally see where I was going
It didn't matter where I'd been, I'm not the same man I was then

I got off track, I made mistakes
Back slid my way into that place, where souls get lost, lines get crossed and the pain won't go away
I hit my knees, now here I stand
There I was, now here I am..Here I am.

I got a lot of "hey I'm sorry"s, the things I've done, Man that was not me
I wish that I could take it all back, I just wanna tell 'em that.. tell 'em that
I've changed for the better.

More smiles, less bitter..I'm even starting to forgive myself
I hit my knees, now here I stand

There I was, now here I am, here I am, here I am
I'm changed. Yes I am.. I've changed for the better
Thank God, I changed.

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