Monday, March 25, 2013

The Fluffy Seeker of Approval

IT IS MONDAY....In every sense of my normal reality of Monday...I am just choosing again to ignore the fact that Monday has reared its ugly head. 

I, however, can CHOOSE my Monday Attitude!  I choose to keep my head down, eyes on the road I am on and to just keep movin'!  Don't head won't be down so much that I miss anything around me!!! :)

So I have neglected to share that starting tonight, I will be coaching Emily's Volleyball team again.  New group of girls and a new season.  It should be fun and lots of learning for all of us!!! 

Our 1st practice is tonight!  I know that this will be another opportunity for me to Move my feet, Share my Heart and Practice my Faith!

As a matter of fact I think that will be our Volleyball Team Motto...Move our Feet, Share our Heart and Practice Our Faith!!! 

I am aware of something that I want to address...I think many of us in this society associate vulnerability with weakness.  Quite frankly, for me, it can feel like a weakness...I think that is why creating this space...this blog...and sharing so much at times does not "feel" good.  Other times it feels fabulous and it can really be freeing!!!  I think the key for me is that my vulnerability cannot be shared with any attached expectations of how it will be received or responded any way.  I have to share it from a place of Truth....expectation free!! 

That for me my a challenge.  I am a seeker of approval...not a trait that I love about myself. I am the dreaded "people pleaser" of sorts!!  Not always...but when I am in that mode...not much good happens.  So...another layer to the weight I being vulnerable (willingly) can lead to disappointment for me...which can lead to shame for being vulnerable in the first place..which can lead to a big meal followed by a big piece of CAKE!!!

So a few things are making sense to being vulnerable without a food crutch...well... it can feel crippling...but in the same breath...I will use the word "compelled" often when I put myself in a place of vulnerability...because I truly feel that this "vulnerability" displayed in this blog, in my relationships, in my current life...are "compelled" by God's will...I don't say that lightly.  It does not roll of my fingertips as I write is another moment of vulnerability for me. 

Relationships are profoundly important to me...I work for them...through them and I need them.  My relationship with just that "a relationship".  It is THE relationship that allows me to build all other relationships in my life and it gives me what I need to fight this battle I am in...BUT...I have to be vulnerable...NOT weak! 

I came across this except from a book (Daring Greatly) by  BrenĂ© Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W.  She is a graduate of The University of Texas and The University of Houston.  She is currently a professor at UH. 

She said the following:

"The perception that vulnerability is weakness is the most widely accepted myth about vulnerability and the most dangerous. When we spend our lives pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived as too emotional, we feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on. We’ve come to the point where, rather than respecting and appreciating the courage and daring behind vulnerability, we let our fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism..."
"..Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living."

"..Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper or more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path."
I love the above...It helps redefine vulnerability for me!

So..though I still feel afraid, nervous, emotionally exposed....I am going to continue to practice embracing vulnerability...I feel "Compelled" to do so!

Have a great evening...

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