So...Truth...I am beyond tired of this whole flu thing. It has really set me back and my irrational fear of getting "stuck" in this sick cycle is back as well.
So instead of spending several paragraphs fretting and whining...let me just say that this is definitely still a process...I am fighting the fear that says no matter what I do...I will always have to battle illness...always have to fight the weight and all that comes with it.
I am reminded to Let Go...and truly trust God. On days like today....I need help! Lots of it!
Today is a tough day for other reasons. Four years ago...I, and my family, lost someone very dear to us... someone who battled another tough disease...a disease that took her life and left us grieving a young life.
My cousin Kay was hilarious, smarter than she knew and beautiful inside and out. She and I laughed a lot...at both appropriate AND inappropriate times!! She was many years younger than I...but we always had a connection.
There is something that I don't think I have said here before....one of the drivers of my absolute resolve in being honest here...about my addiction....my battles and victories...is to honor Kay's battle with her addiction...a battle that she heart-breakingly lost....but that she truly wanted to conquer....I believe that.
You see...nobody REALLY likes to talk about those things that make us imperfect...it is an uncomfortable truth. But I am telling you...that by sharing my not so pretty truths...I have opened up my life to the impossible and though it is not as easy as pie...I have learned that it is not pie in the sky dreaming...It can and is possible. God has provided that truth for me.
There is something else that I try to share here that is also a direct result of having to say goodbye to my Katy...LOVE AND LAUGHTER...and lots of it!
Kay and I would have had lots of laughs during this Journey of mine...I like to think she gets an advanced copy of my thoughts in Heaven...and laughs at ALL of my little attempts at humor...and laughs at my not so funny moments too...
Despite our imperfections...she and I always loved and laughed...we got through the rough times...and though I miss her....I know that my job is to share that love...to not be afraid to be human...to laugh at myself and...I will continue to share my truth and truly believe it is part of God's plan for me.
So Katy...kick up your heels...have some sweetarts and I will see you when I see you.