I have shared before that I am a funny mix...I can be really extroverted and/or really introverted depending on my comfort level. When I stretch through that introverted part...the part that doubts how and where I fit in...that is the "jackass" part for me. Cause truth is...when I DO stretch through those parts of my personality and make an attempt to do things differently...assert myself in uncomfortable or new situations or meet/congregate with new people...I really do feel like a bit of a jackass! A little foolish...A little worried that I am "doing it wrong"...and really clumsy...socially and otherwise!
The irony is that when I am comfortable or begin to get a feel for how and where I do "fit in" in situations...my social skills kick in and I am HAPPY! I LOVE those kinds of social interactions and once comfortable...will talk a blue streak...and most likely still look like a jackass...but not really care so much! LOL!
I really don't like to feel out of control of my environment!
So here is the complicated part...or at least it feels complicated for me!
I am having to learn how to interact with all of the changes in my world, my body, my heart and my spirit!
I was "uncomfortably" comfortable (some might say "resigned") to being sick, fat and tired! I knew it...I knew how to function in it...My "It is What It IS" mentality.
As this Journey has progressed...I am living, breathing and seeing manifestations of dreams I have had and continue to have, come to fruition....Literally happening!!! It is exhilarating and horrifying all at the same time.
I am growing a new skin and I am not always comfortable in it! And yes...I have been doing so for the past two years...AND...I see changes everyday that I did not see the day before. Little nuances or big smacks up side my head...that startle me and thrill me...and sometimes...scare the hell out of me!
I was sharing with a friend last night about how uncomfortable I was this past weekend asking Kerri to take time to sign silent auction items. For me...that is already a stretch...asking for autographs or inserting myself into the path of any celebrity is just NOT ME! Secondly, if you could see the million different directions Kerri is pulled during one of these events...and particularly this one...you would totally get it! Most importantly for me...I consider her a friend, someone that I care for and want to support in whatever way I can, so piling on by asking her to do ONE MORE THING...was actually painful for me...yes...I said painful!
I think too...that despite the fact that I consider Kerri a friend, she is still what inspired this Journey for me and I am always in awe of that fact every time I have a chance to spend even a moment with her and the people she loves the most...her family! It truly blows this old girl's mind.
So this last weekend was one more big growth opportunity for me...a beautiful opportunity to feel like a "jackass" because I was breaking of all of the rules that live in my head that say..."There is no way this is your world"
Let me say this...Each time I do something that I could not "do" 2 years ago...I have to remind myself that this is NOT a dream...It is not a figment of my overactive imagination...IT is real...
I am living proof that anyone can change the trajectory of their life...It is work...It may require feeling out of place...out of sorts and overwhelmed...but here is the truth...All of those seemingly cliché quotes out there about Dreams coming true...If you can Dream it ...You can do it thoughts...they really do have meaning...It requires taking risks and in my own not so eloquent words...looking (or maybe just feeling) like a jackass...
Just so you know...I chose the word "jackass" for a reason! Not just for color...but because I loved the way it was used in the movie Serendipity...
Here is the clip...though out of context...may not have the meaning but at the very end Jeremy Piven uses the following quote...
That is the kind of Jackass I am talking about!!! I want to continue to Dream Big...and for that matter...Dream Bigger!!!
My sweet friend and inspiration Kerri often includes those very words...Dream Big...as she autographs items...Love that! She means it too!!! I think I will!
We are in Day 30 of the UMPH challenge...Let's Keep Rolling!!!