So...I had a follow up visit with my nutritionist today! She did a Metabolic Rate Test to determine my Resting Metabolic Rate. The average Resting Metabolic Rate for someone my age, weight, etc...is 1436. Mine is 1970...HEY...That is good people...My metabolic rate is GOOD!!!! Who knew!
So...she re-evaluated my caloric intake, how many calories I burn during exercise, etc...she added few more daily calories and she told me that she is happy with my current exercise program. I just knew that I was not exercising properly or enough...and I am always worrying if I am eating too much...too little...too soon...too late! In other words, I pretty consistently DOUBT myself!
Which is a lovely segue into my "topic" for today...Self Doubt....I truly struggle with Self Doubt and if I am honest...I often doubt myself first...before I fully evaluate the situation!
So here is another one of those God Moments that I so often speak of...
Just this past weekend, I had a conversation with my Mom about my crazy doubt thing...At the time, I was discussing it in context to relationships...but it generally applies to everything I do...It is not something that I like to discuss openly..and I certainly find it difficult to admit.
It is a nagging doubt..kinda of like having a rock in my shoe..only sometimes that irritating nuisance becomes a boulder...a GIANT!!!
So you can imagine, given that I have admitted to a terminal case of Self-Doubt, that I struggle with this issue daily and have really had to push through that Doubt on this particular Journey.
So today..actually first thing this morning, I get the below in an email from a friend. She wrote a quick message...with the following as the last line in her words...followed by a forwarded message from a daily devotional by Mary Padgett Ministries:
I just thought I’d share this one with you as I knew you’d appreciate it…in those moments of doubt when we feel like giving in to the grasshopper mentality.
From: Mary Padgett Ministries, Inc.
A Word In Due Season
POSSESSING HIS PROMISE
Scripture: Numbers 13:33 "And there we saw the giants ... and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight."
God took His people out of Egypt with a mighty show of power and then provided for them miraculously while they wandered in the wilderness for forty years. When they were near the Promised Land, Moses sent the leaders of the twelve tribes to search out Canaan. When they returned, their report verified God's promise that the land was indeed prosperous. Yet, their unbelief caused ten of the twelve to bring an evil report concerning God's ability to carry out His promise. They began to compare themselves with their enemy and saw themselves as grasshoppers. The giants in the land became bigger than God's promises in their hearts.
After forty years of wandering in the wilderness, God's people were only one day away from their dreams being fulfilled. They were close enough to go in and spy out the land. And they were close enough to bring back some of the grapes, pomegranates, and figs without the fruit perishing. Yet, their hearts were far away from receiving God's promise because they still could not believe for victory over the giants that were in the land.
This scene mirrors our own situation, for many times we come close to God's plan for our life but we allow the giants of doubt and insecurity to hold us back. Instead of looking at God, we look at ourselves and as we do our own strength begins to shrink because of the challenge that is set before us. If we allow it, this comparison will undermine God's plan for our individual lives. It will destroy our faith by distorting our vision. It will usher in a spirit of fear that will birth a negative report. We will see ourselves as grasshoppers in the sight of our gigantic problems and reap failure because we discount God's ability to fulfill His promise.
What has God spoken to you that requires faith on your part? To possess God's promise and complete His will, you must become aware of the strategies of the devil. You must let God be God and you must stay off of His throne. You must do your job and then allow God to do His. Victory demands that you be obedient to God's voice and allow Him to work out all of the details. When God speaks, trust Him to equip you to fulfill His will. When you face the giants of adversity, do not give in to a spirit of fear and doubt. Never think of yourself as being unworthy or allow yourself to focus on your inability. Refuse to give in to the grasshopper mentality. Instead, allow God to enhance and build your self-image. See yourself as God sees you. He sees you as a unique vessel that He has created and chosen for such a time as this. So don't stay in the wilderness of defeat. Instead, discover the will of God for your life and then possess His promise. +++
Just as a reminder....I JUST had a discussion with my Mom about this very issue...This very painful, defeating issue for me. GOD MOMENT! Just when I think that I have something that cannot be cured, cannot be healed...Just when I think that I am terminally unique or flawed...Just when I think that I have to figure it all out...Just when I think that I am in charge...I am reminded that this is God's World...God's Plan. Sadly, it does take me long to forget and it feels like that I overlook reminders all the time....MORE self doubt!
You see, I have really been working hard to embrace the risk, the vulnerability, the trust, the honesty, the willingness to "let em' see me sweat"!
I want to overcome the Grasshopper Mentality...I want to slay my Giants with God as my rock.
I do not think that my receiving the email above was a coincidence today...I do not think that it is a moment of serendipitous luck. I do not think that it was a random act! I will go as far as to say that I think that there is a reason, a Divine reason, that it was sent to me and even by this particular person!
I believe it is a moment of Faith! An Act of Faith by both the sender and the reader. A moment of God's voice breaking through the noise in my head to remind me that I have to believe in Him. He is the Architect!
Here is a portion of my response to my friend who sent the email.
I appreciate these words–I need these reminders, these words that remind me that I am protected in God’s Will. I have all I need in my relationship with God…no need to doubt! So…this is Me…practicing slaying my Giants of Doubt! Ironically, I am horrified of grasshoppers…unreasonably so!!!
I will keep practicing. Thank God that I have people in my life on their own Journey...Who are also Willing...willing to take the risk, embrace the unknown, share their hearts and slaying their own giants....living by example!
See you tomorrow!