Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I can ONLY Change Me...with God's Help!

The Fluffy girl is REALLY tired...but am trying to stayed focused at work, at work outs and make sure that when I do get home...that I get as much rest as possible. 

I am finding myself a little sad today...not something I say a lot...stressed...yes, grouchy...yep...wired...absolutely...weepy...strangely...yes as well.  But not really a person that gets really sad..However, I think with the recent losses, illnesses, etc..of close friends and their family members..I am just a bit sad today. 

Also, today I am battling with self doubt.  Self-doubt for me is a sneaky little feeling that has a tendency to get bigger and bigger until it permeates everything I am doing (if I am not careful).  I really work on self doubt.  Again, this is one of those uncomfortable admissions that seems to somehow be a necessary part of this Journey...much to my personal dismay. 

But I have...for as long as I can remember...been a person that doubts myself..even in those moments where I am generally confident, there is a voice in my head saying..."Are you sure about that??". 

So as I work on losing this weight and changing so many facets of my life...I am confronted with self doubt.  I have talked about it before and trust me, it will come up again.  But I find myself wondering things like...am I working out enough or correctly? Am I eating the right foods...enough or too  much?  Am I really doing all that I can do?...I call it the squirrel cage! 

My biggest problem with self doubt is letting it get bigger than reality!  I am an absolute genius at worrying about things that have not really happened yet...creating an issue when there is not one...making a mountain out of a mole hill...

If there were awards for that...I would clean up!!! 

But I must say...I really am working on my self doubt more as a part of this Journey than I ever have...I have daily conversations with God and am owning up to it here and directly with people in my life.  IT is SOOOO uncomfortable..but I really believe that meeting the issue head on...BOLDLY and tackling the doubt...well...I choose to believe that I can conquer that along with the weight,  healthy eating and exercise doubts!!!!  So I found this quote today...I sent it to a couple of friends...along with the question...Who the hell is Publilious Syrus? 

In doubtful matters boldness is everything.
Publilius Syrus

A friend answered my question and here is who Publilius is...

Publilius Syrus
Publilius Syrus, a Latin writer of mimes (maxims), flourished in the 1st century BC. He was a native of Assyria (Northern Iraq) and Assyrian by race, he was brought as a slave to Italy, but by his wit and talent he won the favour of his master, who freed and educated him.
He was credited with the old proverb...A rolling stone gathers no moss...
So there you go...NOW my question is...what the hell is a maxim??? 
So...before I go...I recently posted the Serenity Prayer...My friend Mary C. sent me this version and I so LOVED it that I thought I would share...It really speaks volumes to me...I cannot change others...I can ONLY change me...and I can ONLY do that with God's help!!! 

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