Happy late Saturday evening...I hope all is well with all of you!
Today has been busy...busy trying to make this event successful, busy praying that I can accomplish this BIG goal, busy staying busy...so that I don't eat too much or think too much.
Truth: Still seated on my old pal the emotional roller coaster. Truth: Hanging on for dear life at times. Truth: It makes me tired! Good News: I am alright. I am not comfortable but I am alright.
I think that I thought after 11 months on this Journey...my body and my brain would be adjusted to the dietary changes I have made..but that really is not completely true for me. I still struggle with food temptations...especially when I struggle with worry and stress.
I don't like to fail. I don't like to look like I don't know what I am doing and I do not like to think about what happens if I do fail and I don't actually know what I am doing!!! HA!
I find myself really worrying about how this event is going to happen...there are a lot of moving parts, lots of me relying on others, lots of planning and lots and lots of dependence on other people's generosity and kindness.
I am in need of those daily reminders that God is walking beside me and knows what lies ahead of me.
I have to again, be reminded to trust, be reminded of all the amazing kindness and generosity I have already seen and have received. I have to be reminded that what lies ahead is in fact, God's plan. I have to keep my heart and my mind open. I have to be reminded that everything is already alright!
I have to believe that though things might not look exactly like I had in my mind's eye...that they are already perfect in God's eyes.
"Fear not I am with you, Be Not Dismayed, I am your God" Isaiah 41:10
This is one of my favorite Bible verses and one that I say to myself often!
The below is a paragraph from the note that Kerri Walsh wrote to me...I decided to post this portion again for myself...as a reminder that when I read this the first time...these words made perfect sense to me...there is great trust in these words...these words exemplify Faith for me...This Journey and how it unfolds is NOT etched in stone and I have learned so much from the fluidity of this process. Even in the pain and insecurity triggered along the way. Trust is difficult for me...true sincere trust. I believe that learning to Trust with my whole heart is a gift to be taken from this Journey. I am not there yet. Fear and insecurity can drown out my ability to trust and I am left trying desperately trying to "figure it all out"... Jaime code for panic and overwhelm...code for FEAR!!
So here are Kerri's words...a gentle reminder that Trust and Faith...mixed with some good ole hard work and tenacity...pave the way to a Blessed Life...A life that is a blessing to others and a reflection of my Faith in God.
Dreams, goals and timelines are our guidebooks and so necessary to life. They are not etched in stone but are fluid because they need to be. As long as we know where we want to go -- as long as we are willing to fight and fight and fight -- as long as we keep our faith -- we will arrive. We will achieve. And we most certainly will have lived a blessed life.