My Answer Is YES

Happy Sunday!!  I hope today has been filled  with the love of family, friends and that your hearts are filled with God's blessings!

Went to church...lunch...home to take care of a few event items...and off for my time to reflect, pray and open my heart to the ways in which God chooses to lead my life. 

I have neglected to do this for a couple of weeks...though my time in Manhattan Beach with Kerri...her family and mine certainly offered me a wonderful opportunity to connect with God.

Today...I am making a specific effort to take this time...sitting still in the idea that God has a step by step plan for this week ahead...a specific set of instructions that I can follow. 

I need this kind of guidance...I need to know that someone stronger, wiser and much more patient is in control!

You see..I continue to struggle while I continue to truly recognize all the amazing blessings around me...that is a very confusing place to be...just so you know.

So the only thing I know to do is practice my faith...practice, practice, practice.  Fight and Fight and Fight. 

I was talking to my Mom about our Cali trip and again, trying my best to give a verbal description that matched my experience and AGAIN...failing in my efforts.  But
we did talk about  the fact that we are not exactly a glass half full kind of people...we are more of a "waiting for the other shoe to drop" lot! 

I find myself somewhat mired down in that mindset at times...I get lost in the what if's...the possibilities that I am not capable or for that matter, worthy of the half full glass. 

So I am fighting against that part of my history...fighting to hear and to know that God fills my glass everyday...and I am not measured by others definitions of success, or beauty, or love...but instead offer my own unique perspectives of these ideals. 

That is way easier said than done...

The sermon in church this morning was a discussion of some of Christ's miracles....particularly, the story of a man who has been ill for 38 years. Jesus approaches him at the pools in Bethesda and asks him..."Do you want to be made well".  After 38 years of illness, the man is asked a simple question.  He replies with a complicated answer...Not just yes...but instead lodges a complaint about his circumstances. Despite his ambiguous answer,  Jesus heals him anyway.

For the past 26 years, I have battled illness...at times debilitating.  For the past 11 months, my life has begun to change...a healing.

I don't remember being asked the question.. "Do you want to be made well?"  I probably talked over it!!!

But...the healing has begun!

Today...my answer is a resounding YES!