Dreams! I have always been a dreamer!
In my younger days...I dreamed of being an Olympic Athlete...I dreamed of being a professional singer....I even had dreams about the opening number of my big concert tour...I dreamed of meeting my favorite singers and singing duets with them...
I still dream of traveling around the world (at least parts of the world)! Over the years...I have had tons of dreams....some I have made an effort to achieve...others were fleeting...others yet, were too scary to try...at least in my head.
Some of my dreams came true...in their own way. Maybe not exactly like I pictured...but to some extent they turned out imperfectly perfect. I suppose my biggest dream..the one I pursued most diligently was my dream of being a professional singer.
That dream came true...just not as I imagined. But...it did come true. Here is what I learned about dreams...They don't just happen because we want them to. I had to work as a singer...I had to be a good singer..Good enough to get work...which required vocal work. I had to work to be brave enough to put myself out there...to take what for me, was the enormous risk of being seen doing something I love in real time!!!
Being a professional singer was not just about singing though...and not just about performing in front of people...It was about many other things that I did not plan on so much. Eventually, I learned that singing and the music "business" were 2 totally different things...I loved to sing...I did NOT love the music business.
I was once asked a question about how hard was it to "perform" every night...to get in that mindset before I took the stage...My answer was that when I was on stage...It was the most real I felt...I was completely me "when performing"...yes...there were nights when I was tired, or pissed off...or emotional...but when I began to sing...it was freeing...
However...my experience with the business of music...had very little to do with being genuine! Change your name...your age...your story...whatever it takes to make you more marketable...and of course for me...Change your body!!!
And I did...I changed my name (which I liked) and I changed my body...lost 70lbs...and if you have read this blog before...you know that those 70lbs were not enough...at least not for the music professionals I encountered. BUT...here is what I know today...for me...I achieved my dream...I lived to have the experience of performing music...singing songs I loved...singing for people!
I was blessed in that, I had many opportunities to know that my talent (that God had given me) had touched other's hearts...just like so many other singers touched mine. Ultimately, I had to learn that my original "dream" was not actually what I expected but I still lived my dream in my own way.
I am proud of it!
Now, these days, I am still a dreamer...some different dreams and SOME dreams that I have sort of kept quietly locked away...not wanting to risk making them public for fear of not achieving them.
But as I take this Journey...as I confess on a regular basis my DREAM to live a healthier, better life...to shed pounds...to shed my emotional fig leaves...to shed fears...To TRANSFORM on the deepest level I have ever attempted...I figure DREAMING OUT LOUD...is not so bad.
I figure...If I am able to discuss this dream on a daily basis in such a public way..then what the hell...why not drop a few more down!
When I started this blog it was because I felt so strongly compelled to do so...knowing that this kind of accountability would be key to my successfully achieving my goal. I am glad I listened.
But there was another reason I wanted to start this blog...Another form of accountability to myself and that is that I want to be a writer...I want to write professionally...stuff that I love to write about!
Now there are a few people that know this about me...and I have certainly been encouraged to do so since I started this blog and I must say...My ToneTone has been trying to get to write for a LONG time.
So Tuesday...during my stint of Emergency Aunt duty...I was riding in the car from my house to Emily's...just she and I...
She said...out of the blue...Do you remember that story you wrote for me...( I did several years ago)...and I said yes...she talked about it a bit and then said, quite matter of factly...I don't understand why you are not a writer...To which I thought...Me Either! Her tone was sweet AND had she been a little older, might have added the word "jackass" at the end of that sentence. In a good way!!!
Made me smile...tear up and THINK! So when I think...I write...Here...So maybe I am a writer...
I started thinking about this Dream I am in the middle of...I started fidgeting with my little Silver Blessings beads on my bracelet. I started thinking about ALL of the amazing things that have occurred since I started pursuing this Dream.
I mean really...
I think it bears repeating a few again...and again...and again...
- I started needing to lose 120lbs and have managed to lose 68lbs
- I started this Journey...so sick that I could not maneuver a grocery store without feeling like I was going to collapse.
- Since then...I have completed two 5K's
- Climbed a giant Granite Hill
- Hiked 9+ miles
- Gone from 5 minutes on an Elliptical to an hour
- Workout 5-6 days a week
- Climbed the hottest freakin Sand Dune WITH THE VERY Olympic Athlete that inspired this Journey
- Have posted EVERYDAY single day of this Journey here
- Have met some incredible people and formed some amazing new relationships
- Have strengthened and renewed some amazing old relationships
- Played Sand Volleyball for the 1st time and the 2nd time and the 3rd time...
- Have coached a girls volleyball team for 3 seasons
- AND...along with an amazing group of people...held a charity volleyball event that raised over $6,000
- Have learned to fully acknowledge that God is completely in charge of my life and is the Maker of my Dream!
So...I am going to be a writer...
I would like to do both!
So I hope you will keep this New (Old) Dream of mine in your prayers. I trust that it is part of this Journey and God will guide me...