Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Reflections on a Reflection

So...more truth...Some days I get up (not a morning person)...stumble into the bathroom...begin to get dressed for my day and look in the mirror and think or may even say out loud...CRAP...I still have such a long way to go!

Mirrors can be tough to handle in the mornings...Actually mirrors can be tough in general...at least for me. 

So...on any given day...I may have that reaction.  So today was one of those mornings...after such a hard workout yesterday...there is some (unrealistic) part of me that would like to think I am going to get up and SEE the difference...but such is not typically the case...which makes it seem such a daunting task to know that I have so many more hard workouts to go before I reach my goal...

So what to do when I wake up in that frame of mind?  First let me say..that today, it has just plain ole caught me off guard.  I have no idea why...That is one of my biggest challenges that I have discussed here over and over again...the "swings"...the Highs and Lows and the Ups and Downs...though I certainly like to blame it on middle age and hormones...I am pretty clear that these moments are part of my general personality...THIS very thing is part of what I am working to overcome...the negativity...the part of me that fears getting stuck and not making progress...

I have shared that I am truly stuck right now when it comes to weight loss and maybe that is always needling at me in the back of my mind.  I really do make the effort to re-frame the experience and focus on the fact that I am getting up, suiting up...fighting this battle daily!  The rest will come. 

The mirror is challenging because it does not lie...and at 7:00 AM...I need lies...(just kidding).

But here is what I know..though the mirror does not lie about our appearance (in the purest physical form)...My interpretation of what I see can be chocked full of lies...messages about what I am supposed to be...supposed to look like...supposed to see!  I am betting that many of you can relate to that idea...the idea that what "we" see is not how others see us...both positively and negatively.

The mirror offers a reflection...a reflection through my own eyes...my own prejudices and my own experiences.  Though what I see in the mirror from a physical sense is pretty concrete reality...My reflection in that mirror is not solely who I am...or who I am capable of becoming. I have always said that I want to be able to get up in the mornings, look at myself in the mirror and be happy with who I am on the INSIDE.  Being happy with who I am on the outside is a BONUS! 

Of course...I am learning...that by working on my "outsides"...my appreciation deepens for who I am on the inside.  For me, I am learning that both have to work in tandem. 

By working on my outsides...I am in turn, healing my insides...physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

You see...the battle is not just against the bulge...but against the brain...against the insecurities...the fear...the resentments....the regrets...the doubts...All of it has to be addressed for me...

So though I have not a single clue why this is on my mind today...It is...My reflections on my Reflection. 

I want my Reflection to be a Mirror of God's unconditional love...for myself and for others...I want my insides and my outsides to reflect self-respect, dignity, the ability to love with all of my heart. a healthy pride and a willingness to face my challenges head on...I want to be a reflection of bravery, loyalty and strength..because God has given me ALL that I need to do so...

I want all of that...not there yet....But it is what I work for...The reason I believe in this Journey...Believe that this Journey is Healing, Making me Whole...Strong and Confident and ultimately a Reflection of these words:

I can Do ALL Things through Christ who Strengthens Me!  Phil 4:13

Not only that I CAN but that I AM!

"Everyone and everything that shows up in our life is a reflection of something that is happening inside of us." ~Alan Cohen


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