I think that a lot of overcoming addiction...food addiction in my case...Is about about trusting the truth. Trusting my ability to tell the truth, recognizing the truth and trusting the part of me that has all the means necessary to discern the truth in any situation. The last part of that for me is accepting truth at face value...Not twisting it...or distorting it out of fear, anger, or any other emotion that resides in this brain of mine!!
For me, developing that ability...lies solely in my ability to rely on my relationship with God. That trust I speak of is Faith. At least that is what is true for me. If I can truly stay in relationship with God...then I can stay in truth...It is when I meander...and stray a bit that I can find myself searching for comfort.
So when I can't tell the truth or hear the truth...I turn to things that comfort me...I look for ways to distract and of course, FOOD has been one of those pacifiers for me. I have other crutches that I rely on too...but food...well food has done the most damage!
So as I march head first into the 2nd year of this Journey...on the heels of a wonderful celebration of the 1st year...I am faced with my least favorite kind of truth...Truth about my feelings...telling the truth when I know that someone else is going to be hurt by it! Even if I make every effort to be as respectful as possible. To stay out of my reactivity and stay in God's reality...that is the tricky part for me.
I find myself with 2 opportunities this week that are both stretching me way outside of my comfort zone AND...I have really shifted back into high gear in my exercise program and food plan. Not necessarily a easily navigated path for me!!! Working my body AND my mind at the same time...well...that ain't purdy!!! HA.
So despite the success I have experienced and the high I am on from all of the great things happening around me in the past few weeks...I have truth to tell. Tough Truth.
I have had to face confrontation in my personal life and I have a big decision to make this week. Both are causing me pain and I am pretty sure, at the very minimum, have added a bit of stress to other's lives.
Not to be cryptic...but I do need to be respectful. Sufficed to say...with every thing going on...I would really like to soothe with food!
So in an effort to alleviate the emotional cravings..I am writing about it here. At least to the extent that I feel comfortable doing so.
I am faced with confrontation with someone I have had in my life for a very long time...Someone that has had their own demons to overcome...Someone that I care about very much...however, I find myself feeling angry and hurt. So...as much as I wanted to not even address the issue...My gut..and my heart led me to me to say what I needed to say...though not said very well...it was said. Sadly, It has been met with silence...which is always hard. The hard part about the telling the 'truth" is to somehow not have any expectations about how that truth will be received. The even harder part is accepting that there are times in my life when I have to make painful decisions...accept my part...and let go and truly turn it over to God. So my pain this week is about speaking the truth and letting go of what that may mean for the future. The not knowing part!
I am also faced with the challenge of making a decision that could impact this current path that I am on...a path that I am liking so far. I really need to keep God's voice in the forefront. For the first time in a lot of years...I have a clear head...not everyday...but so many more days than I used to!
My Journey is my priority today. Keeping my Faith in 1st place, My Health and being present in the lives of those that I love and cherish. Priorities. Behind those three things...comes everything else...and in a different order depending on the situation.
Here is the cool part for me. I REALLY want this Journey to continue with the same vigor...with the same emphasis that it has had over the past year. I am not losing steam! I am still so inspired...Now not only by those that inspired me originally but ALL of the other inspirational God moments I encounter daily...and they do happen daily...I have to just be willing to "see" them!
I don't want to soothe with Food..but instead push through with courage...with strength and with a continued spirit that says I will not have my butt kicked by life circumstances but instead...face them and overcome them with ENERGY. I want to continue to recognize the blessings...the gifts and experience the growth while my physical body slowly shrinks!!
You see...there is no turning back for me. So...as I face the difficult realities of today...I know that the decisions I make have to be about the next stop AHEAD on this Journey. I know that I have to be God Centered and not Self Centered...(the voice in my head says...Good Luck With That!!!) LOL!!! My friend Donna will find that particularly funny!!!
I have to make decisions that take care of myself and not of others...because IF I take care of myself...I can be a better person and my ability to truly be present, caring, attentive and honest...all increase when I physically, emotionally and spiritually take care of myself...Not Selfish...But instead Self Care!
Last night I did my first workout designed by Kerri's trainer. He, of course, is in California...so I do not have the benefit of that immediate...in my face, kind of accountability one gets with a trainer. However...I decided that I HAD to be accountable to ME...I had to push like a trainer would push me...I had to think like an athlete...I had to WANT to be better...The cool part...I did that!! I kicked my own butt and today my BUTT is letting me know that my workout was successful!
I really need to continue to move forward...without the aid of food...or anything other crutch...I need to know that I can finish this myself...in a full relationship with God and ALL of the ways that God chooses to remind me that He is with me...every step of the Way!
I will need your prayers. As soon as you have a minute...Today is a big day!