Tuesday, August 6, 2013

With The Ugly Comes the Transformation

Wow...it is getting closer and closer to one full year on this Journey...and as it does...I am aware that it really does seem like yesterday that I started this Journey.  I truly can't believe it...and I certainly can't wrap my head around all of the things that have happened over that time frame. 

All I can say is Thank God...thank God that I have all of the experiences over that past year documented and permanently engraved on my heart! 

Keeping with my commitment to honesty...my commitment to accountability and to telling my real story about this Journey...The Whole Truth and Nothin But the Truth...I must admit (begrudgingly) that I am having some difficulty.

Some health challenges, some motivation challenges, some food challenges...just a whole lot of freakin' challenges...

I always surprise myself with my expectations of how things are going to go...or how they "should" go.  So...

 Truth #1...I really believed that by 11.5 months into this Journey...my food habits would be completely transformed and I would NOT be struggling much at all!

Truth #2...I really wanted to be migraine free by now...I am quite tired of pain!!!

Truth #3...I am STILL hitting walls when it comes to my motivation...


Truth #5...Today has felt like so many days prior to me making this decision to make some big changes in my life!!! I feel sick, tired and overwhelmed.

So as I write this...I know that there are quite a few people out there who really don't like it when I don't write in a hopeful manner...So...just to address that here...I always think that being able to tell my truth is in fact, Hopeful...Not always pretty, not always happy, not always optimistic...but ALWAYS hopeful! 

Here is why...Fester, Fester, Fester....If I stuff what I feel...disguise the truth with funny little anecdotes or wise cracks...I just fester...and I usually can only ease that pain (temporarily) with FOOD or a combo of Food and inactivity combined...If I talk about it...If I "own" what is going on...then even though uncomfortable...I am not just sitting on the issue...keeping it cooped up in an already fluffy body!!!

Today was not a good day.  I worked from home so that I could be here with Mom as she goes through some medical "stuff"...however, I had a big, ole MONSTER migraine today!!!  A real beast! 
I HATE them...they are mind numbingly painful and still typically stop me in my tracks. 

However, I did manage to work...which at least allowed me not to feel guilty for NOT working...I was not profoundly productive but...refused to completely cave to the pain. 

But as the day progressed...I just had this nagging, gnawing feeling that was so familiar...yet...I was acutely aware that I had not felt this way for a while.  I felt beaten..."whooped" and I really just wanted to eat and sleep...

After I worked all that I could manage...I crashed for while and woke up with what I call "IMPENDING DOOM"...(dramatic music in background)...

Don't Ask me why I call it Doom...I can't say...It started YEARS ago...when I was a kid.  But lately...I have Doom a lot!!! So that is one of the big faith issues I battle each day...Turning the Doom over to God and trusting that if there IS actually anything "doomish" lurking around in my life...God has got it covered!!! 

But I kinda suck at letting it go and turning it over...more truth!!!

So I knew when I sat down tonight that this was going to get a bit ugly...but with the ugly comes the transformation...I can be transformed completely...that I do believe...and it may not happen totally in 365 days...clearly it will not...Unless Chris Powell and the Extreme Weight Loss people bust down my door and work their radical magic...complete with TV editing!!! 

So here is the Hope part for me...today was not good...but I did function...AND I managed to get in a 6 mile bike ride...despite the migraine!  I needed to remind myself that I could do something that I absolutely COULD not do 1 year ago..that I HAD in fact, made some progress and am still on the road to Transformation.

I saw this quote the other day and liked it...so of course, I am sharing it here...

The greatest mistake we can make is to stay on the ground after falling.” Victor Manuel Rivera,

I feel fallen today...I feel tired and I feel a bit "whooped"...but the difference in me today compared to the me from last year...I will not stay on the ground...I will get back up and keep moving this fluffy body in the direction of transformation.

So you will not be surprised by my next request...I need your prayers and your support!  I have from the beginning and you have been there for me like a champ!! 

My prayer for myself will be for clarity, for a strengthened faith, for patience and for a continuation of the miracle transformation I have experienced over the past year and I pray that I stay in God's Will. 

Please keep my Mom in your prayers as well as she faces some health issues...

Lastly...I am attaching a reminder about our upcoming event.  PLEASE check out our Facebook page...Lots of really cool silent auction items...Lots of Volleyball to be played and Lots of Fun to be had...Lot of Kids to make happy and healthy!

Play It Forward-Rally To Serve


  1. Hold tight to your positive-focused attitude. We all have suck days. Some people are defeated upon the sight of "suck", while others strive to make "suck" push them forward and not hold back. Herculean determination, for sure. You hold your Hopeful Writing and thinking tight. That is the biggest muscle that you have been building over the last many days.

    Doom sucks, unless we're talking about the video game from the 90's. ;) You may always struggle with Doom, but use "...equal and opposite reaction." You recognize it. See it coming. Then kick his arse! You have come a long way and you showed that you still have some focus, but the reality is that it is hard sometimes. Falling reminds us where ground level is, but we don't stay down there. Get back up, find your altitude again, and contour your journey. You have prayers from Austin.

  2. Great...Great Words Howard...so insightful and you are right...We do all have suck days...But I am fighting to not get "sucked" in to the gloominess of Doom! and no it is not the cool video game from the 90's...Thank you for sharing your heart and wise words with me...I am better for it!